Advice - Opinions

Opinions are welcomed when we make a post.  The opinions that I want are from the person responding and not a quote from some famous person.  I often read about what “X” has to say on the subject.  I don’t give a shit what “X” has to say.  If “X” has become one’s mentor, that’s fine.  If what they say has been incorporated into your psyche, then make it your response.  You don’t need to quote someone else to make your point. 
When “X” was a nobody, what he/she said didn’t mean much until they became famous.  I am often asked to qualify what I say or to indicate the source.  This is not a school room and I don’t need to be taught, however I am willing to learn if what is presented is deemed worthwhile.  I value more the comments that come from the heart and from experience than anything that comes from some manual or book.  How one personally feels about things has more meaning to me. 
If one wants advice, they should ask for it.  I have an acquaintance that is slowly being repulsed.  Any intended conversation with this person turns into a lecture.  Some people like to impress and prove how smart they are.  I don’t want to be lectured or put down.  Intelligence is not just book learning.  Some people are just socially inept.   I find that Teachers tend to teach when talking.  That is something E. Don brought out in a previous post. 
My good friend and champion, Hermann Frech, can’t resist telling/teaching when he talks.  He has much to offer and with him I don’t resent it since his experience weighs heavily on what he says. 
This is how I personally feel about Advice and Opinions.

You and I have not exchanged words for some time Abe…I’m sorry for that. I have always felt the things you have said, do have value.

As a young boy I started listening to old people. I have always taken to heart what they have said. I understand their anger. I understand what they feel. Today I am one of them. In January I will be 78. To me that is not old…it just means I will die soon.

Those near death don’t start building a future, they start reflection on the past. What if’s come into play. We start putting value on some things, and tag most others as a stupid waste of time.

Before one of us dies Abe, I want to tell you what I feel about you. I think you are a fine person. You are an example of a good man. That is how I will remember you.

Thanks Domenic.  I have just taken you off my "Ignore" list.  I haven't seen many of your posts in the recent past.  I don't even remember why I placed you on that list.  In any event, what is past is past.  Let's begin again.

I resemble that remark!

Do you honestly think, Abe, that by not using a name you avoid being personal?

This response is neither an apology nor a defense.  I do not feel I owe anyone here either.  OK, I got into it with LC more than I should have the other day, but I apologized to her already.

Among other things, I am a teacher.  Retirement from teaching doesn't change that.  I do not know everything. When I want to learn something new, I look it up, and tend to remember my sources - not quite so much as I get older.  As a researcher and research writer, I feel compelled, when I can, to credit my sources.  To not do so would be cheating.

I still read a lot, mostly non-fiction these days.  One can find articles and books that say almost anything.  I remember working with a student - a very good student - who had written a paper that was not up to his capabilities.  I asked him to rewrite it.  He was shocked, because he usually got high praise from me.  His assignment had been to discover, through reading Emily Dickenson's poetry, what her philosophy was.  What he had actually done, was to write about his own philosophy and apply it to her poems. Only it wasn't working, because his philosophy was not the same as hers.

"Emily Dickenson is wrong?" he asked
"Not necessarily wrong, Rik," I responded, But she does not see things the same way you do."
But, Ms J," he said - a tone of incredulity in his voice, "She's in the textbook!"
Rik," I said, "You are 17 years old..  Over time, you are going to find that many of your 'teachers' are going to see things differently from you.  When that happens, you need to trust your integrity.  And that means trusting your feelings about what you are reading or being taught."  
Our discussion went on a bit longer, and afterwards, about once or twice a week, he would pull a chair up to my desk while he talked through a situation that concerned him.

The point is, when we read, or listen to a speaker (formal or conversational), if we are intent, the words will resonate or they won't.  What I taught my students, including Rik, was that they needed to trust that instinct, and choose whether or not to take it in, and that was how they developed a sense of integrity, and from that place of integrity, developed their own unique voices.

Different people have different perspectives.  When we enter a discussion with an intent to win, we turn it into an argument.  And nobody really wins an argument.  Discussions, when they are open, can broaden our perspectives.  We don't have to agree with anything that does not resonate with us.

So back to my point, I read a lot, every day, and when I find something that resonates, I share it.  Readers can take it in or not, depending on whether or not it resonates with them

I am not just a teacher, I am a storyteller.  I write stories  Some of them get elongated into articles and books.  Some of them go into responses I make here.  This is, after all, a writer's forum.

So, it seems that when I write from my own knowledge I am "giving unwanted advice," and when I share knowledge that I gain from what others have written, I am not writing from my heart, which is, plainly speaking, bull****, because I do not share anything that does not resonate with me.  If I share it, it is because it strikes a cord with who I am.  Again, I do not "know it all."  Nobody does. Lifelong learners cannot stop learning new things - from others. Learning something new is an exciting gift, and a gift needs to be shared. (Gift meaning something given - not a talent that one has)

I often find that when people are judgmental, it is because they are projecting their own repressed shadows on to the people they judge, rather than recognizing it as a part of themselves that does not meet with their own approval.  For instance, I am not the only one "giving advice" on this thread.

It isn't necessary,   Once we accept those rejected parts of ourselves, they become like friends.  We like ourselves well enough that we don't need to project.

I share who I am, wherever I find me.  I don't expect everyone to like it, but if you don't, it's your problem, not mine.

It is sad, though, Abe, because we used to be friends, and I am not the one who has changed.  As Dom said, you are a good man. Lately, something seems to be bothering you, and I feel that I am getting the brunt of whatever it is. It seems to go back to the time I started writing about the sacred marriage of masculine and feminine, and the need for a balance between those perspectives.  

Just me.

Ann, my immediate impulse to your post was: If the shoe fits…
As for “we used to be friends” I didn’t think friendship depended on agreement.  If I felt that we were not friends, I would not respond to your posts. 
I don’t agree with everything you post and most likely never will.  When I agree, I say so.  As for quotes, it is my opinion and belief that everything we say, unless it is from personal experience, comes from some outside source.  If we believe in someone else’s concept or opinion, we can make it our own.  We need not quote it but put the thought into our own words especially since our interpretation of what we read may differ.  If we are writing and use material of someone else, identifying the source is necessary – as you already know.
I know you like Campbell and quote him often.  If what Campbell says is what you believe, why not tell us what you believe.  We need not know where you acquired your insights. 
 
You talk about people (me) being judgmental while at the same time you make judgmental remarks about it. 
 
I enjoy sharing experiences with others, as I believe you do also.  When I make a post knowing that it will be attacked, I feel reluctant to make the post.  I have at times written things intending to make a post and then deleted it.  Sensitive issues especially concerning the M.E. I can expect to be attacked and am seldom disappointed. 
 
We can continue to share and debate, but please try not to preach or teach.  In writing, we are told: “Show, don’t tell”.  Can that be achieved in a post?

Sorry, Abe, but I have no problem with the way I post or what I have to say.

This is not the first time you have made your feelings clear. We get it. We know how you feel. I stand by my post. This is your problem, not mine.

We are not in competition, in my view. I do not need to continue to express my perspective. I will continue to post as I see fit.

Deal with it, but do not expect another response from me. I have stated how I feel, and I am done.

Good wishes to you.

I like everything: quotes, opinions, counter opinions, thoughts, ideas, links to sites for further information. I like it all. What I have noticed about forums is that the members want to read everything that's posted and then complain about it. I don't have time for that. If something is of no interest, I skim it or by pass it altogether. I don't get involved with the political threads; what I know about US politics could be written on the size of a dime. That doesn't mean that members shouldn't discuss politics because I'm not knowledgeable enough to participate. It simply means that I won't be reading every post on every thread. My advice would be: if you don't like it; don't read it.

Sounds good, Shelagh, however how will one know if they like it if they haven't read it?

Quotes are usually posted inside quote marks, Abe; you can ignore those. If a post starts to sound preachy, you can stop reading.

Sorry, I didn't know you were just referring to quotes.

I had a wonderful experience today.  I talked to a person from Algiers.  Does anyone know anything about Algiers?  I certainly do not.  I never studied it.  I never paid attention to it in the paper.  I think it was in some old movie.  I know it's not on my list of places to travel.  I am sorry I don't know anything about his country.  It would have made our conversation even richer. He left Algiers in what he said was called the "Black Decade" for its horrors.

However, he is now a naturalized U.S. citizen who like many immigrants came to this country with a few dollars in his pocket and dreams.  In his own country, he was a physician.  Here, he handed out flyers for advertisers and any other menial task to earn a buck because no one would give him a real job with his little English.

He saw a U.S. Army stall at Times Square.  He talked to the officer there and learned that he could join the U.S. Army if he could pass the ASFAB.  To make a long story short, today he is a successful physician with a home and family and a practice in which he serves anyone who enters his door. He still serves in the U.S. Army reserves and was among those reservists called to serve in Iraq.

"This is the greatest country in the world," he says. "The U.S. Army taught me English, gave me the tools to serve the flag honorably in Iraq, provided me with income and a dwelling place and the chance to become a physician again in this country.  I get up every morning with joy that I am here, that I have the freedoms and prosperity possible.  After surviving New York City and returning from war, nothing in life is difficult because I am in this country of opportunity and freedom.  I want to return the gifts I have received.  I do it in whatever way I can through service on hospital ships and through service to my community and people with needs."

He also told of unbelievable hardships with an attitude of seeing the hopeful side in the worst conditions.  He had one concern about this country though.  He could not understand how we can be so unkind to each other, personally and politically.  How we can air our dirty laundry to the world for our enemies to watch and learn.  He felt we should be so grateful for a land of freedom and opportunity, air to breath and the ability to sleep without fear, that we should never say a disrespectful thing about our government or those who serve the country.  He felt we should disagree in principle and seek resolution, but the hate radio and animosity in congress was just the sort of thing that brings down nations eventually.  Instead, we should be looking high to our flag with joy in our hearts and hope for the future that we share with the world and our neighbor.

He set me thinking about how quickly we can harm friendships with a barb here and there.  I want his joy each morning and I don't want to adopt the AA bit not to be burdened by people, places or things that damage my serenity.  Nor do I wish to damage someone else's serene day.  Now, the latter is not my responsibility, but I know how to push buttons as well as the next person.  I will try to keep my buttons under control. 

I met a joyful U.S. citizen and it infected me.

I like both Abe and Ann.

THIS IS AN OPINION!!!!

Advice should only be given when asked for.  Then the person giving the advice should know what the heck they're talking about, otherwise they're just offering an opinion.  Opinions are like BUTTS, everybody has one, some are just better than others.

p.s.  Abe,  You need to learn to say what you really feel. 

In my short time here I've noticed certain members like to quote long passages from their favorite writers and/or thinkers. I don't care about what they think. What do you think?

When I was thirty two, I listened to a talk given by a man of eighty. It was a Bible talk on how to treat others. Somehow he sidetracked himself, and began telling a story about his youth. Telling that brought tears to his eyes. I realized after all the years that had passed, he was still feeling the hurt. His sidetrack moved me, for I too had deep feeling of events in my youth. Hurts we bury seem to come out in different ways.

When I talk to people today who express feeling I don’t like, I remember that old eighty year old speaker. I remember my own deep hurts…I know we all have them. Rather than returning anger, my heart goes out to the person who has expressed anger toward me. I can see hurt in some of the members on this forum, as I’m sure they can see mine.

I figured out why those who hurt me did so. It was my fault. At the time I did not know, “You train others how to treat you.”

Quote :

In my short time here I've noticed certain members like to quote long passages from their favorite writers and/or thinkers. I don't care about what they think. What do you think?

Your short time as this schizophrenic personality, Chris? Is Prison Guy talking w/someone else right now?

You're such a dumb troll ...and I'm even dumber for responding.

???

If you're dumb, I must be dumber. Should have seen it sooner.

Annie

D. J. (Don) Stephens wrote:

THIS IS AN OPINION!!!!

Advice should only be given when asked for.  Then the person giving the advice should know what the heck they're talking about, otherwise they're just offering an opinion.  Opinions are like BUTTS, everybody has one, some are just better than others.

p.s.  Abe,  You need to learn to say what you really feel. 

D.J...lol, you just broke your own rule...who asked you for that advice?

---

Quote :

If you're dumb, I must be dumber. Should have seen it sooner.

To tie this to the "losing IQ points" thread earlier, every time I read one of Chris's posts, I lose a few points.

I still have no idea what you are talking about. But if this is how you welcome new members with baseless, ad hominem attacks, then I think I'll go somewhere else. Maybe I should have heeded the warnings I read about this form. Goodbye.

Domenic Pappalardo wrote:

D. J. (Don) Stephens wrote:

THIS IS AN OPINION!!!!

D.J...lol, you just broke your own rule...who asked you for that advice?

Dom,

I wasn't giving advice. it was an opinion.

and people wonder why I don't post!

Quote :

I still have no idea what you are talking about. But if this is how you welcome new members with baseless, ad hominem attacks, then I think I'll go somewhere else. Maybe I should have heeded the warnings I read about this form. Goodbye.

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!

LC124 wrote:

I still have no idea what you are talking about. But if this is how you welcome new members with baseless, ad hominem attacks, then I think I'll go somewhere else. Maybe I should have heeded the warnings I read about this form. Goodbye.

Any remaining doubts dissolved.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?rd=1&word=advicead·vice (d-vs)

ad·vice n.
1. Opinion about what could or should be done about a situation or problem; counsel.