Opinions

We all have them. Sometimes we want to share them. Sometimes we are asked to listen to those of others. That is all well and good, but do you become as irritated as I do when someone asks for your opinion and then will argue with you about it?

Some years ago, my father asked for my opinion about the Euro. I said that I didn't know enough about it to decide one way or the other. He replied, "You can still have an opinion!" LOL!

Not knowing enough about a subject does not stop most people from holding an opinion!

Hello Abe. That's not an easy question to answer. For example, in the thread Shelagh started regarding President Bush's legacy, I believe her intent was a dignified thread highlighting some of the accomplishments of the President of the United States of America.

If she had started a topic regarding our Prime Minister, most would consider it rude for someone to jump in with comments about what an idiot he is, and rightly so, even if they indeed believed that to be the case, which I don't.

George,
I just re-read Shelagh's thread about Bush's legacy. I couldn't find where she highlighted any of his accomplishments, at least in the positive sense. He certainly has many in the negative sense.

Don't we all? I know I do.

Abe F. March wrote:

We all have them. Sometimes we want to share them. Sometimes we are asked to listen to those of others. That is all well and good, but do you become as irritated as I do when someone asks for your opinion and then will argue with you about it?

Hi Abe,
You shouldn't become irritated when someone asks for your opinion and then argues with you about it. That's the reason everyone asks for your opinion -- so they can disagree with you. That's the reason my dad asked me for mine! LOL!

~Shelagh

Shelagh,
In the last sentence I meant to use the word "advice" instead of opinion. There is a difference.

I saw the thread as asking what we thought Bushes legacy would be, and not just what we thought his accomplishments were. I commented accordingly. I didn't call him an idiot, but if someone wants to, I won't argue with them. Oh, and Abe, if you advise someone that he's an idiot, I won't argue with that either.

Ach, I'm just going to let my book talk for me from now on. It's kinda scary knowing you're about to become one of the most despised men in history.

Well, if that's so, at least you'll be successful. The most loved and the most hated each sell a lot of books.

Abe F. March wrote:

Shelagh,
In the last sentence I meant to use the word "advice" instead of opinion. There is a difference.

Abe, I think that when someone asks my advice , they are looking to see what I would do in their situation. It does not mean they are going to do what I might do. Perhaps the advice I gave them did not fit their particular circumstances, or would not work with their personality.

For instance, Joe blow asks Minnie Mable what to do in case he is pulled over for speeding in order to get out of a ticket. She is a cute young thing and assumes the cop is male. Her response might be to cry. It may have worked for her in the past. This really wouldn't work for Joe, but it is the best advice she has. He is smart, and does not try to cry if he gets pulled over.

It is rather like a woman asking her husband if "these pants make my rear end look fat?" Does she really want to know, or is she fishing for a compliment? If he is honest and perhaps tells her that her butt is big, and the pants have nothing to do with it would be rude, but honest. In that case, the person asking the question is responsible for the answer, whether they like it or not.

Just my opinion.

I was quite temped to show a photo of me on a cruise boat on Sydney Harbour and ask, "does my butt look big in this?" but I know that Abe likes to keep his threads on the more serious side.

I have a question Abe. How well do you take advice? Do you accept it without arguing back, go away and think about it and then make up your own mind? That way, you give the impression you have taken someone's advice, but you have made up your own mind anyway. I would be interested to know how you handle advice.

Shelagh,
you asked a good question.
At my age, if someone gives me advice that I didn't request, that alone would be cause for irritation, and depending on the advice, even anger.
If I ask someone for their advice, and even if it is negative, I would thank them for their "input." Acceptance of advice will often depend on the source - the person's background. What qualifies them to offer the advice they give?

As you know, people asking for advice usually want confirmation of what they are doing or wish to do. If your advice agrees with their view, they are appreciative. If your advice disagrees with their views, it is most often rejected and may even be cause for a rift between the parties.

If someone asks me for advice, I may decide to give it but only if I can be honest. That just happened two days ago when an author, not on this forum, asked me for my advice. I knew my answer was not what they expected and it would "hurt" but I felt it was needed. I got an argument back and the author tried to "justify" their position. Yes, that did irritate me. As someone once said, "only a friend will tell you when you have bad breath."

Opinions are a different matter. Everyone has one as I stated earlier. Most of the time opinions are subject to argumentation and can often be the reason they are being asked or given.

Hi Abe,

I am sure you would agree that the giving and taking of advice on message boards can be tricky and lack of eye contact is a severe handicap. When members of forums look for confirmation of their beliefs and not for real advice, they sometimes misinterpret the words before them in an almost obtuse way. This can lead to heated arguments.

I have learned to steer well clear whenever anyone asks for advice!

~Shelagh

Shelagh,
you're right of course. I think one needs to make the distinction between opinions and advice. From what I've seen, most of the things expressed on the boards are opinions. Giving of advice must be done with caution.

I'm all for opinions Abe. Even uninformed ones! I must be a chip off the old block after all!

I think that the sharing of opinions is often good if done with people who are open minded enough to consider what is said without predjudice. It can often open one's mind to new ideas.

When someone offers an opinion that differs from mine, I am always curious as to how they came to their conclusion. There have been occasions when someone's explanation has altered my view of my own opinion. People quite often know things that I don't.

Discussion is very valuable in my opinion, but it can't become a heated argument lest all sense of reason is lost.

Shelagh, I had to laugh at your comment. That was good.

I must reference once again how I view opinions -vs- advice.

If someone says to me, "what do you think?" - they're asking for an opinion. They are free to disagree and argue about it.

If someone says, "what do you advise me to do?" or "what should I do?" They are asking for advice and the answer should not be frivolous. One can choose to be honest or give the answer you think they want to hear. At my age I elect to be honest. They don't have to like me as long as they respect me.

I most generally avoid giving advice when possible, and it is usually possible. If the advice is being asked in a subject I have knowledge of, I might try to help the person consider their options, with the understanding that any decisions are theirs to make, not mine.

He who asks questions is responsible for the answers. It is what they do with the answers that counts.

Tricky, eh?

My opinions--like my true weight--I will reveal, but only to a chosen few who have a reason to be interested. Otherwise, they often provide a springboard for unwanted confrontations. I get enough of those in traffic.

Now...advice...hmm...that's different. If someone needs a piece of my experience in order to help themselves along, then I will provide it, gladly. Suppose I feel honored when they ask in the first place...

Opinions and advice are both things I am careful about.

I've found that often when people come to me with a problem and want advice ... they don't really.
Then want you to listen, and then they want you to tell them what they want to hear.

I've discovered my advice is rarely taken.

Opinions? Uh, I have no opinion on opinions.

Best not to have.