ODE TO AMERICAN IDOL

A couple of years ago, when American Idol became so important in the lives of so many, I composed this. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I hope you see the humor and I hope you enjoy the poem.
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ODE TO AMERICAN IDOL

“Ask what you will of me, sweet darling,
Ask me for body and soul
Gladly I’ll give you all that you ask for
Twice maybe thrice in the hay shall we roll…”

“Aye, we shall roll, and do so with vigor”
She said, from her bedroom repose
Hastily I shed everything I was wearing
And struck my most sexy, most flattering pose.

She reached for my hand, or so I was thinking
But the TV remote she did seek
I stood in the darkness wearing chill bumps aplenty
As she warned me three times that I could not speak

“We can’t roll in the evening, tween 7 and 8”
She said, as she turned on the Idol
I suffered the mother of all headaches and stoneaches
Whilst consuming a whole bottle of Midol.

Harpe
copyright 2007 All rights reserved

Lol! I thought only wives had headaches!

Now I see why the eyes are bulging.

You are a rascal, Don. Talented, but nevertheless, a rascal.

Maybe I have watched too many alien movies, but Don those eyeballs are freaking me out

Well done, Don. Well done. I never did see the appeal of most tv shows, and that one in particular!

Ok, so I changed the avatar again. This is my pom McKenzie in her Marilyn Monroe wig.

Don, you are a riot these days. What has gotten into you? Cute puppy, too. I bet she's a lot cuddlier than your first dog!

That she is, Zada, that she is, and there's no chance of picking up a splinter when you pet her.

Being a songwriter, over the years I have written a few things that I thought might pass for funny. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but I always enjoy the writing of them, and usually the finished product. Here's one.

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BLIND DATE

I read the message that somebody, had written on the phone booth wall
And when I found your name and number, I decided I would call
You answered softly in a whisper, come on over if you can
The night is cold and I’m so lonely, and I really need a man.

So I hurried right on over, and I stayed the whole night through
You did all the things your message, had informed me you would do
Although you are pushing sixty, and your youth has lost its glow
I could barely see a wrinkle, you’re too plump for them to show.

I could tell you were a lady, from the way you drank your wine
Before the bottle touched your lips dear, you wiped it off most every time
I could tell your hair was phony, when it fell off in my beer
Made you look like a side show carney, but by then I didn’t care.

As you nibbled on my neck dear, it began to feel so good
That I hardly even noticed your right leg was made of wood
Your teeth got locked up on my ear lobe, that’s how I found out they were false
But I slipped out to the kitchen, found a fork and pried ‘em off.

When you opened up the window, I almost laughed until I cried
Cause the houseflies looked so funny, as they raced to get outside.
You gave me love and understanding, and one thing I know for sure
All the other things you gave me, a penicillin shot will cure.

Girl I know you’re not a princess, and the things we’ve done aren’t right
But if you’ve got five more dollars, I’ll come back tomorrow night.


Ó 1975 harpe

What a hoot. I think that one passes for more than funny. Good job, Don, and I needed a laugh this morning. Thanks.

Good one Don.

Thanks folks, I think the entire thing is summed up in the last two lines.

A twisted tale.

I have a perfect record, having never watched IDOL (except for the 1000 clips per day that show up on all of the satelite channels in the system.)

But, all around town, people are cutting afternoon meetings short and starting their evenings later than usual because of this blasted show.

So, Don, your song "speaks to me" even though I'll never confess to having been exactly in that position.

Perhaps you should call Garth's people and make a pitch. Either him or the Cable Guy.

Malcolm