Thank you, Alice

I had trouble sleeping last night.  I couldn't get my knees to straighten so I tried to sleep on my side and that threw my arms into awkward positions.  My head was racing with troubling thoughts and questions.  Am I ever going to get this condition under control?  The initial success of the steroid injections has started to wear off, and the other, more slowly acting meds either haven't really started to work, or are just ineffective.  Well, not completely ineffective, since I cannot run fingers through my hair without losing several strands of it.  I had been warned about that one, and my hair, though beginning to turn grey, is still pretty thick.  It's just another nuisance.....

So I gave up on sleeping, got out of bed and came here, into my study and its bookshelves, and reached, almost automatically, for my well-worn copy of Peas, Pills, and Parkinson's.  My hands and fingers still had to much early morning stiffness, so I came to the computer, went to the book's Amazon pages, and downloaded the Kindle version for 99 cents.  I've been re-reading it ever since.  I've read it more than once, so I know the story.  I read through fairly quickly, focusing on Alice's wit, stoicism, and positive attitude while dealing with an incurable condition that is more severe than this RA thing that has been controlling my life for months now.  I noted how these things manage to come up and present themselves at the most inopportune times, when we are already coping with family circumstances, work schedules, and all that other stuff we have to deal with every day.  I re-read her accounts of initial denial - boy did I get that one, especially now.  That walking in similar shoes thing is very real.  I also noticed even more strongly the resemblances between our mothers and their mothering, or lack of it.  I caught, this time, that her mom had RA, too.  I had seen what the condition had done to my mother.  That was one of the big reasons for my own denial.  No point in denying it now.  Forewarned - forearmed as they say.  

But the main reason I went back to her book was to read, again, about her attitude, and her ability to handle this intrusion into her life without becoming bitter or losing her ability to get out of herself, to reach out to others and be supportive of others, empathizing with their troubles and giving them comfort.

I know that, for me and my condition, it isn't so much about pain; I can cope with that.  It about being immobilized, and not being able to do the tasks I need to be doing.  Typing, once I get started, is OK - it's even a good thing, but getting to that creative space inside is still next to impossible.  Lynn's housekeeper stops by once in a while, and helps with major household tasks, and I get to spend a couple of hours working with and talking to a woman who is rapidly becoming a close friend.  Meantime, I've learned that keeping things put away is not a good idea, and have found a place for bottle-openers, pliers, and other tools that help me get some leverage for those simple little things that go with kitchen work and cooking.  But those are personal things, and don't accomplish anything in the way of service, except for those Thursday dinners every week.  That's about family, though.  I am basically a writer and storyteller and that's how I serve, and this is the place, these days, where I come to do that.  Sharing whatever I come across that seems important, that might help someone who happens to come across it, here or on Facebook, occasionally on Twitter, but mostly here, especially now, when so much of my time and attention has to be about me and coping and coming to terms with this invasive thing that has come into my life and is working very hard to control and limit it.  And the simple fact of that limited mobility limits my options as well.

And that brings me back to Alice and her inspiration.  Even as she has been coping with her Novovirus and it's complications, she has gone out of her way to be supportive and positive and keep a sense of humor.

If you are reading this post, and have not read PP&P, consider doing so, and those of you who have the book, think about pulling it out and giving it another read.  It will bring you joy and hope.

Annie

What a great review!  Too bad it's too long for Amazon!

What DK said.
Ann,
You are the inspiration.