We returned from the cabin yesterday afternoon, a couple of days earlier than planned. But a dear family member had some medical problems and was in the hospital, and we needed to see her. She is now safe and will become well, but her well-being was the concern of our whole family, with many phone calls.
Over many years we have been a healthy family, but the last two years we have somehow often ended up in the ER or ICU or a hospital room. One time about a year ago, after my husband had hip replacement therapy, my son said, "We've got to stop meeting in hospitals."
A year and a half ago, at the beginning of my cancer diagnosis, I ended up in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. One night the nurse came in laughing."I have to tell you about the physician's report in your file. His only report. He said, 'There were nine people in Carol's room when I arrived.'"
One time he asked me, "Can I tell you what I need to with your family and friends here?"
My reply was, "Of course, I will just have to tell them anyway."
Somehow we have not stopped meeting in hospitals, but somehow God and angels have looked down on us, and in spite of pain, has kept us all safe and helped us become well.
Sometimes I wonder. What is there to learn from these experiences? As a writer, what is there to write?
My daughter is the music minister in a church in Virginia. She said she is not sure the priest believes her requests for prayers for illness in her family. It does make one wonder after so many years of good health. But the prayers continue to work and we continue to get better.
My wishes for my granddaughter are greater than those for me. I want all my children and grandchildren to outlive me. They are all so brilliant. They all have so much to give to the world. And although we all try to stay healthy, somehow not everything is in our control. There are other factors, other plans.
My gratitude is great: for my family, for my family member who I pray will be well, for us all to stop meeting in hospitals.
But even when we do, we gather and talk and sometimes even laugh. I showed my granddaughter in the ICU how I can walk behind my wheel chair. I wanted her to know what seems impossible can be possible.
Sometimes I don't feel needed, feel useless. My husband has to cook, clean, wash our clothes. Once I can walk better, I will be able to help more, but until then I feel somewhat useless.
But the last few days I have been at the end of the phone line. I've listened, given my love, and know I still have a place in this world. I must have or I wouldn't still be here.
And I will treasure each day, each day with my family, each day with those I love dearly.
Love, Carol
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