Were You Afraid of Your Parents?

Our son sent this email to us right after he left for basic training and after finding out he and his wife were "expecting" our first grandson. It is the best email I've ever received ... well a close tie is the email I got from him last month telling me he was safely back in the U.S ...

hey guys, i just wanted to say thanks for everything, ive been
thinking alot and i mean ALOT. I've been just thinking of life and the
past, present and future, i think alot of when I was a kid and had such
a carefree life then, I thank you guys alot for all the wisdom you
shared with me and all the good advice too. Even with all the knowledge
you guys gave me, a few time I have to learn the hard way. I can't tell
you guy how much you guys mean to me and all the love I have for you
guys, you guys have always been there by my side helping me when ever I
need it, even at times I never asked. I'm trying to figure out what it
is I need and want in life, I'm at a point where I dont know what the
right thing is to do, I'm not so much asking for advice or anything, I'm
just letting you guys know where I'm at but I'm sure you guys can figure
that out on your own. But I do know when I come home i'll be going to
school and trying to be the best father I can, I don't know whats going
to happen between me and ****** but you guys don't need to worry,
we'll always have a good relationship. But anyways I just wanted to write
you guys to know I love you guys and I thank you guys for being the best
parents any son could ask for, you guys always had faith in me and
always put 110% into everything that was good for me and dad I only
hope I can be half the father you where to me, your a great man and I
know your going to be a great grandfather ( great as in you know
"great") but ya .. mom and dad .. thanks for everything and thanks for
always being there ..
Love,
***

alj wrote:

She believed it was her duty and obligation to mold your mind.

Ann

Thank you, Ann,

You have a good grasp of it.

Good job, Jo Elle!

Alice wrote:

Betty Fasig wrote:

You bet I was afraid of my parents. Both of them. They were the example that perpetrated the court rulings about child abuse. The did it all. Raping, beating, starving, shouting, and finally dumping everyone at the welfare office and taking off. Actually, that was the best thing they ever did for any of their 13 children.

The best thing I can say for myself is that I never hated them. If I had, they would have won.

Love,
Betty

How can you argue with results? You turned out so good. Makes one wonder doesn't it?

It makes one wonder how much more "swell" I would be if they had loved me.

Love,
Betty

Betty,

There are strong people like you who, I believe, having loving parents would only have added a loving childhood to your life. I think difficulties make some people stronger people, and you are one of those.

There are people in good families that go bad, and people in bad families that do good. It is a mystery and is an example of the strength of the human soul.

Sometimes I say that my children have survived in spite of me being their mother.

Carol

Carol,

I do have to wonder about you. Seems to me you qualify for sainthood at the very least. Anyone who can have six kids and never scream, shriek at,or spank them is a marvel in every aspect.

Are you sure you weren't born old and wise? I am just now
mellowing a bit. I even tell our daughter to stop freaking out-- her kids will be old people before she knows it.

Alice,

Who said I never shrieked or screamed? I think I often woke up the neighborhood. I am surprised my kids aren't deaf from being screeched at. I call it my crazy mother syndrome.

Now I am calm and quiet, my normal disposition. Those kids tried to drive me permanently insane, but it didn't work.

I keep trying to get back at the one who tried the hardest to send me into permanent insanity. Yesterday I bought him a normal looking t-shirt, with a little palm tree on it. When he goes out in the sun with it, it becomes a rainbow of colors. I can't wait to see how he reacts!

(Sometimes I think he succeeded.)

Carol

Carol,

That makes me feel a bit better Motherhood brings such guilt with it.

It seems like we spend our entire lives being pregnant, having kids, recovering from having kids.

Going crazy from the kids. Wouldn't life be dull without kids?

You can see my family in my gallery here. I am proud of them. You will see they are an adventurous group of people. (I bet you could guess which one tried to send me into permanent insanity.)

Very nice, JoElle.

Love, Carol

Carol

Sorry your kids were so limited. I had only two and they pushed me right off the edge. Oh well--what are kids for anyway?

To make and keep you humble.

If I had not had them, I'd have gone over the edge sooner.
I am glad they are here.
They make life much brighter.

Five years ago today I was in England for the arrival of Jonah. Jonah was suppposed to be a girl--thank heavens he is a boy.--more like three boys wrapped into one boy.

Alice wrote:

I know nothing about how to rear children. My children were perfect as was I, so who cares?

Now if we must know the truth of the matter--I don't know anything about anything.

Childrearing is very complicated business.

Children are so different--what works with one does nothing for another. I wish I could say I never laid a hand on my children. I guess I could but it would be a lie.

In the ideal world, it would certanly be preferable to sit down and have a reasonable conversation concerning misbehaviour.

However I am consoled by a friend's tale of what happened at her house.

Her husband was a renowned army doctor. Their daughter was a typical teenager. A seral killer was roaming the nearby streets.

One night no teenager came home. By morning doctor had decided she was dead and gone. Then she walked in the door. He jumped up snatched off his belt and whaled her backside.

I wonder who was misstreated the most here--I would say he was.

Supposing she called the cops--he would have been arrested and she removed from the home.

Whose side would you be on? Do you consider her to be an abused child?

1. Perhaps he needed to find out what had happened. Hopefully she would have been truthful.

2. She wouldn't have been taken from the home if she called the cops, unless this had happened many times previously.

3. Maybe, more effective than the beating, would have been tears of joy for her being alive and not dead.

4. When a child disappears and returns, there is one of two reactions, anger or joy. Anger at worrying the parent, joy at being found. Such a complicated combination of feelings.

Carol