How to Please a Woman

A Stodghill Says So blog:



No, this is not an instruction manual. It is a plea for help. Why, I want to know, do women refuse to see certain little facts of life? Why won't they just accept the obvious? Why do they get all het up when a man utters a simple request?
For example, I sometimes point out to Jackie that men have it much tougher than women because they have to shave every day. More often than not she unleashes a tirade. This makes me wonder how she would like to drag sharp steel across her face and neck every morning.
This morning I greeted her for the first time, or at least the first time since eleven o'clock last night, by saying, "Guten morgen, mein hausfrau." Admittedly, I don't know if any German actually says that to his wife because I have never been present at such a moment. Most of the people I knew in Germany merely said, "Morgen." This struck me as odd as obviously it was morning and there was no need to point it out to me.
Whatever, Jackie got that look in her eye and warned me what would happen if ever again I called her a hausfrau, even though she is one. She said, " Why don't you go Germany? Don't you know somebody there who would take you in?"
"Abe March might. Or Peter Puhl in Nordenham."
"Good. Then you can talk in German all you want."
"But I like it here."
"Then speak American."
"Ya, mein Fuhrer." I didn't say that, I just thought it.
Another thing I don't understand about women is their reaction to a statement like, "If you'll take a break from scrubbing the kitchen floor, how about bringing me a cookie." Obviously that is an act of consideration. I could have just walked over the wet floor to get one for myself.
Or consider a minor burp to help a man's digestive system. Jackie's usual response is, "Thanks for saving that until you were right beside me. They probably heard it down on the first floor." We live on the sixth.
This just scratches the surface in explaining the ways in which women fail to understand and appreciate men. There are many more I could mention, but I think I'll quit now while I'm ahead.

I think women must say the same sort of things about us men. In fact I know they do for I have heard similar types of conversation in the precence of a group of females. Being the only male at the time I thought it wise to not say anything or was it just a yellow streak appearing down my back, hehehe

Wow Dick,
I don't think I want to get involved in this conversation.
Just a correction. You could say, "Guten Morgen meine Frau." But "Hausfrau." No, that means housewife and can take on a meaning like "Putzfrau" or cleaning woman. To be safe, just saying Morgen will work.
Last sunday morning I was helping to clean up after our annual choir dinner. A wife of one our members was working alone in the kitchen, washing pans, dishes, etc. I asked her if she needed any help and she said, "Nein, dies ist Frauen Arbeit." (No, this is woman's work.) I wondered how my daughters would have reacted if they had heard that statement.
Sure you don't want to move over here Dick?

Dick ,

I am overjoyed at the trap you have walked into. You set the trap, walked into the trap and now the fun will begin.

First off-- you men shave because you want to shave When you quit wanting to shave you will stop shaving.

All the explanation you will give is you don't feel like shaving. That answer will be accepted. People will love your beard.

If men golf and hate it--they stop it. That is one thng where they demonstrate far better sense than a woman who will say, "I began it, I MUST FINISH IT"

I have more comments, but will intersperse them between the many this thread will produce.
Later...

There are things worse than living in Ohio, Dick. If you moved to live near Abe, you would have to join the choir and sing for your supper. There's a thought.

You're right Shelagh. Or, if he was rude to Jackie, he may have to whistle for his lunch.

Dick, try this. Call her " Gnädige Frau."
She may take it as an insult but it means, "Gracious lady."

Dick,

Perhaps your wife is thinking: Ein Narr kann mehr fragen als sieben Weise sagen

or words to that effect

Malcolm

Thanks for the tip, Abe. I may try that, or even putzfrau when I'm feeling brave. The danger in saying anything in German is she will think it's something like putzfrau.

Shelagh, believe me when I say there is no danger whatsoever that I might be accepted into Abe's choir.

Malcolm, I'm afraid to even ask what that means.

Dick,
see the following website. Perhaps when you come you can take this flight.
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/2008-01-29-nudist-flight_N.htm#uslPageReturn

First, I would like to correct something i said on another thread. I don't think my marriage was a failure. It produced three individuals who all make positive, valuable contributions to society every day. And Bill and I both gained something from the years we were together. It ended. Maybe it was supposed to end. Everything, I believe, has a purpose. Maybe that purpose was accomplished. As far as remarriage was concerned, the circumstances of my life just did not encourage that possibility.

Dick, the feelings you and Jackie have for each other are so obvious in your blogs. Your grumpiness is part of your charm. Jackie clearly knows how to deal with you. You both have something to cherish.

As far as the men's work/women's work debate goes, everythng started changing when contraception became effective with the first "pill," back in the early 60's. It's no wonder that the Catholic Church has taken such a strong stand. They apparently realized how profound the change would be.

My son and both my sons-in-law have accepted the change. Their wives have careers. They share the work at home. They take it as a matter of course. It's the way things are and they are happy that the women they married feel successful in their own lives. They have strong marriages because they respect each other. I admire those "young" men for accepting this new paradigm. More and more men of their generation and younger see it as simply the way things are.

It's often different with us older folks. Although I recognize the relationship that Carol has with her husband and has described on other threads. My brother is a retired airline pilot, and he and his wife share one that is very similar. It is an atypical situation for our generation, though. Most husbands came home every evening, and our respective roles were pretty well stablized.

For a marriage to work in this modern (or should I say post-modern) world, men and women must respect each other as equals, and share in all aspects of the work it takes to hold a relationship together. I look at my children's solid marriages, and I see how things can be. I imagine that as we move out of this transitional period, more and more couples will marry and stay together. Some will have children, some not. Those who do will find ways to make it work for everybody. But the old roles will not likely come back.

Ann

I agree Ann. I see good things in marriages today. One is the role fathers play in their children's lives. This does not happen in all cases but is beautiful when it does.

One day I couldn't find my family chicken curry recipe. I knew my son made it frequently and called to see if he had the recipe. "Mom," he said, "I don't need a recipe. I know it by heart." And he enjoys cooking as I see other men in our family do. When my daughter and her husband come up north every summer, her husband does much of the cooking and enjoys it.

I think life today gives people opportunities. We talked about this in our family a few weeks ago, how some of us loved working. My daughter says her husband tells her she can quit working in about a year, thinking that would be a good thing, but she says she loves working. I did also. But others said they enjoyed staying home and that is all right as well as long as they can, which many women can't. But then men should be able to stay home and take care of children also, and I have known men who did that and loved it.

My youngest son worked nights and was able to be the major caregiver of his son the first year of his life. He could sleep when his baby slept and when his wife came home from work before he went to work. He'd call sometimes for advice when his son wouldn't sleep. I used to tell him to sing to him. My son has a beautiful singing voice.

Dick, you and Jackie are so great together. I know you two love each other. You can't fool us!!

Carol

I'd book that flight in a minute, Abe, but I'll bet there is a year-long waiting list.

Marie, I'll make her a valentine. No need to spend fifty cents for one.

But Ann and Carol are right, it is different today. In my grandfather's day men worked 12, 14 0r 16 hours a day and it many cases it was hard labor six days a week. No way could they have shared housework. It had eased a little in my father's time, but not too much. When I drove a cab it was for 12 hours a day, six days a week plus nearly two hours of travel time on city buses. Housework? Not a chance. It let up in the TV repair business - only 54 hours a week, but much of it was hard, physical labor. Same story.
The best setup when there are children is for the mother to be at home, but modern culture demands so much money for stuff that one paycheck often is not enough.
That is the big danger of today's economic problems. Huge house payments plus car payments and other payments for that stuff to put in the house can spell disaster. It already has for millions. Most of the problems around here are in what they call the exurbs - the huge houses far out. People living right in town in older houses are doing much better just as they did during the Great Depression. Living on two incomes is fine until times get tough and one income is gone, or in some cases, both.

It doesn't always have to be the man that goes to work. When my kisds were born I wasn't working so it only made sense for me to take care of them whilst my wife went to work. When she lost her job both of us looked for work. I was the first to find a job so our roles changed. I think if one parent is home for the children that they have a more loving, nurturing enviroment to grow in. Of course I am a minority opion these days and when we look back at history it is filled with the same problems we have today as far as the working classes go. At one time ever member of the family would have been employed in some form or other.

Homemade cards are the best anyway.

Carol

How to please a woman... Really it is no different than pleasing a man.

Believe it or not-- women are human beings, not mysterious beings.

Women would like respect and equal opporunities.

Dick,

More or less, one fool asks a question that seven wise men can't answer.



Malcolm

Alice wrote:

Dick ,

I am overjoyed at the trap you have walked into. You set the trap, walked into the trap and now the fun will begin.

First off-- you men shave because you want to shave When you quit wanting to shave you will stop shaving.

All the explanation you will give is you don't feel like shaving. That answer will be accepted. People will love your beard.

If men golf and hate it--they stop it. That is one thng where they demonstrate far better sense than a woman who will say, "I began it, I MUST FINISH IT"

I have more comments, but will intersperse them between the many this thread will produce.
Later...

How about this ? I like it if I must say so myself--it is true.


Malcom,

Seven wise women will be glad to answer it--five already have--we just need two more,

CALLING WISE WOMEN--WHERE ARE YOU?

Zada, Helen, JoElle, Brenda, Hurry up !

This question was answered at least as far back as the Middle Ages. One version of the story was called "Sir Gawain and the Loathly Lady," which explains that Gawain was sent on a quest to find the answer. He encountered an incredibly ugly hag of a woman who promised to give him the answer if he would marry her. Gawain knew he was honor-bound to take the answer back to Camelot and the Round Table, so he reluctantly agreed. That night, in the wedding chamber, as he was working up his courage to fulfill his husbandly duties, he turned and saw that the loathly lady had changed into an incredibly beautiful young woman. Seeing her thus, he eagerly took her to bed. The next morning, she told him the answer to his question: The thing a woman most wants is to have her own way. Then his bride offered him a choice. He could have a beautiful young wife either in the privacy of their chamber, or in view of the court at Camelot. But he could not have both. So, she asked him, which did he choose? Gawain responded that since, as a woman, she would prefer to have things her way, the choice was hers to make. He would accept whatever she decided. So, she told him, he had chosen wisely, and since that was his answer, she would be his beautiful wife all of the time.

See how easy it could be, guys?

Ann

Alj,
Why must we always insist on doing it the hard way?

Abe,

Because you are men!

Ann,

You are very wise--thanks for the great story.

I know women want their own way, but once in a while men should get to sing "I did it my way" instead of "Yes, dear."

I'd rather shave a leg than a face any day. Less angles, needs a mirror...and if you mess up, it's pretty hard to hide.

So far as pleasing a woman, my own efforts have met with mixed results. Try repeating, "Please, please, please".

Marie,
The right way?

The hard way is "doing it my (our) way."
The easy way is "doing it her way."

The right way would be to compromise, but sometimes that can be a never-ending loop. I'm reminded of a newly wedded couple I met, trying to get an agreement about signing a contract. I asked for a decision.
He said, turning to his wife:
"Is that OK with you?"
"It's OK with me if it's OK with you."
"But is it OK with you?"
"It's OK with me if it's OK with you."
"Yes, but is it OK with you?"
And so it continued until I finally stopped them. I handed them the pen to sign saying, "I think you're both in agreement. Sign here!"

Quote :

Uh, you have a beard.

You're very observant. (Or ingenuous to accept a picture as actually being of the person who displays it: an endearing trait, actually)

Proof of my stated distaste for shaving faces.

My legs are smooth as ivory, however. Long and well turned, lissome and toothsome.

Abe F. March wrote:

The right way would be to compromise, but sometimes that can be a never-ending loop. I'm reminded of a newly wedded couple I met, trying to get an agreement about signing a contract. I asked for a decision.
He said, turning to his wife:
"Is that OK with you?"
"It's OK with me if it's OK with you."
"But is it OK with you?"
"It's OK with me if it's OK with you."
"Yes, but is it OK with you?"
And so it continued until I finally stopped them. I handed them the pen to sign saying, "I think you're both in agreement. Sign here!"

The discussion is all about responsibility and blame. If anything goes wrong after such a big purchase, the husband wants to be able to say he was unsure and only agreed because his wife said it was okay. She knew that and turned it back on him. My husband does this all the time.