European Commision

This was sent to me in an email its originator is anon:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than the other possibility, German.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped infavour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, vevil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer,ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forstplas.

Zis is English? Not as we know it, Jim.

I suppose our books will have to be rewritten!

David,

Are you certain it came as an email?
It sounds like your invention.
Very good!

No not mine this time it's way too good to be mine.

Your stuff is always very good!

Do we really want "hatter" to become "hater"? Turn "pal" into "pall"?

BTW, according to current spelling traditions, what might "ghoti" spell?

Ann

What's with all the emails poking fun at the stuff we teachers teach? This one I just received adds math to the mix:

Quote :

TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK
-
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy
International Airport
as he attempted to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a
calculator. At a morning press
conference, the Attorney
General said he
believes the man is
a member of the notorious Al-Gebra
movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General
said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names
like
'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama
said, 'If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told
reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement
by the President - It is
believed that another Nobel Prize will follow----

(I tried to fix the formatting and managed to erase the whole blasted thing.)

I would have deleted that last paragraph, but I think our president must have a sense of humor, or he would not have found the courage to run again.

Ann

alj wrote:

BTW, according to current spelling traditions, what might "ghoti" spell?

Fish? GBS, as I recall.

Nice one Ann.

Al Stevens wrote:

alj wrote:

BTW, according to current spelling traditions, what might "ghoti" spell?

Fish? GBS, as I recall.

You got it, Al
gh as in laugh
o as in women
ti as in action

Ann

I recall the one posted about the language. And the addition of Ann's math example adds to the comedy.

I think I made this post sometime ago, but perhaps it is worthy of repetition.

The news reporting the problems in Florida where Spanish was to be introduced into schools, and the comment by a lady who said, "If English was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for everyone else."

Abe F. March wrote:

The news reporting the problems in Florida where Spanish was to be introduced into schools, and the comment by a lady who said, "If English was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for everyone else."

Our foreign language speaking friends need to remember this.

These are priceless - thanks for adding some lightness and fun to the day everyone!