Have You Ever Had a Friendship End and Wonder Why?

I lost some friends (2) during a church political battle. The rest agreed with me. I am well over it-- they can't seem to let it go.

I cannot fix it and have gven up tryng. Anyone had a similar problem? Have you ever lost a friend?
I have finally decided it is their turn to try to fix it or leave it.

What would you do?

I traveled to Italy with a long-term friend. She didn't speak to me in a civil manner for the entire trip. It was as though she left her happy meds at home and brought the mean ones.

When we returned, she got in her car and left; and it's nearly two years without me hearing from her again. I don't have her number (changed cell phones) or her address. Perhaps that's the same with her.

Actually, looking over the duration of the friendship, it carried some flaws. She was a troubled person with some major mood fluctuations. I always felt on egg shells in her presence. However, we did have some great times and were good friends during some troubled ones.

I truly see nothing I did during that trip to trigger her behavior. I'm an easy traveler. She created quite a bit of discomfort for herself by her obvious unhappiness; but it seemed self-induced. An "apology" is difficult to fathom without knowing what harm was inflicted.

DK

You sound as baffled as I am --so sorry.

Thank you for reminding me. These were egg shell folks also. I have lost nothing.
Everything had to be their way.

This is my poem in Forever Friends:

Shelagh, that would do well in a friendship card - it fits so perfectly.

Thanks DK!

What is it about churches? I did not know I had lost this particular friend until one night, at a group gathering. I went into the kitchen to do a bit of cleaning up, and this individual assumed that I had left, and began to talk about me in a very derogatory way. People tried to shush her, but it was too late. I am sorry she stopped wanting to be my friend. She feels bad, I hear, and wants to make up. I don't hold a grudge. I just know I cannot trust her, so we can still be acquaintances, but not likely friends.

All this revolved around the calling of a new rector for our little church. Many of us ended up leaving in the long run, because of similar machinations.

Yep, sometimes, it's just about churches.

Ann

Shelagh,
What a nice poem.

Ann,

You are right--it seems to be the church folks who are the least loyal.

That is because the church folk feel so damned Sanctimonious, not to mention pious, especially if they are in the politics end of things. I would say that some are downright Pontious pious. hahah.

Love,
Betty

Betty Fasig wrote:

That is because the church folk feel so damned Sanctimonious, not to mention pious, especially if they are in the politics end of things. I would say that some are downright Pontious pious. hahah.

Love,
Betty

You are so right-- I steer clear now. Should have earlier. Live and learn.

I have a friend who always gives me reasons I need to go to church. I think she is worried I will not go to heaven or something disastrous.

I have a little file of instructions: happy songs, a story I wrote, special prayers. Just happy stuff.

She brings me special desserts which I love, so I really can't complain. She is a good person and trying to save me.

Love, Carol

Carol,

She should seek advice from you rather than give so freely. So many church people are great preachers, but lousy doers.

Sorry!

I just spoke with my mother on the phone. She said that she had lent Forever Friends to the ladies' group at her church. They returned the book with a box of chocolates for my mother!

Shelagh wrote:

I just spoke with my mother on the phone. She said that she had lent Forever Friends to the ladies' group at her church. They returned the book with a box of chocolates for my mother!

Those were good church ladies.

It's a good book! My mother is going to send Stories of Strength next. She just wants another box of chocolates! LOL!

9/14/2010

Shelagh..

That poem is beautiful ! Your Mom deserves the
chocolates.. Was it Godiva ? My favorite..

Cheers..Joe

Like the poem, Shelagh.

Church politics makes church going such a misery.
All the sneeky plotting behind closed doors and whispering behind your back.

People who call themselves your friends provided you meet their critieria and the moment you make a mistake you become the target of whisperings and malicious gossip.

I am so glad to be away from all that.

You write a nice poem Shelagh give this to your mum.

Thanks Joe, Abe and David!

David,

It is a sad commentary on churches that so many of us have been burned when we should have been blessed.

After the ceremony, the rituals, the sermon, the music, church is just like any other organization of human beings with all the attendant problems, pettiness, and politics. You find the same thing in every group from the prom committee to the Moose Lodge, from the condo association to the board of directors at the hospital, from the House of Representatives to the PTA.

It all starts on the playgrounds at recess. And never changes from that.

Al Stevens wrote:

After the ceremony, the rituals, the sermon, the music, church is just like any other organization of human beings with all the attendant problems, pettiness, and politics. You find the same thing in every group from the prom committee to the Moose Lodge, from the condo association to the board of directors at the hospital, from the House of Representatives to the PTA.

It all starts on the playgrounds at recess. And never changes from that.

Aw Phooey! Church costs far more too. They want your money, time and loyalty.

I've had a few friends -acquaintances, really -inexplicably go cold. No idea why, but what's more important, I don't spend time wondering about it anymore. Sometimes people just get bees in their bonnets, or bugs up their butts about something, and there's nothing you can do about it.

They want your time and your money and your money oh plus 10% and your money. They also want control of your life and your money. Oh and 10% if you've still got any left.
Oh you get in exchange promises of divine blessings whatever they are.
If you are poor they want you to give your last cent (widows mite and all that.)
I would hope the widows mite rebel and refuse them anymore money.

And they don't even thank you--just ask for more.