The Negativity is Never about YOU

I am happy to say that I'm coming out of a regression of sorts. Sometimes I forget that everything isn't about me. The past few weeks, several incidents have occurred that pulled me into some old patterns that I knew were unhealthy. Several friends have let me vent. That helped a lot. So did focusing on writing and studying instead of listening to the negativity of other people.

Now, I can remember stuff I learned some time ago. One can separate from the negative, hostile actions of others by remembering that their attitudes come from their own perceptions and perspectives, and are simply not valid for anyone except themselves.

We really do create our own realities. They can be heavenly, hellish, or somewhere in between, depending on where we focus our attention. And, we can choose that focus for ourselves.

I really like this place and the people I meet here.

This morning, I am a happy camper, and I wish the same for all of you.

Ann

3/23/2010

Ann...


What you say is true, top of the
morning to you..

Cheers..Joe

I'm a happy camper, too, Ann! Isn't it great?

Shelagh wrote:

I'm a happy camper, too, Ann! Isn't it great?

Ann

Nice to see all the happy campers here!! Shelagh, it is good to see you are happy also. You have concerned me.

I am happy also. Strange, but true.

Love, Carol

Count me in the happy bunch.

Dave and I went golfing today. The weather is perfect and I thanked God for life and fun and beauty.

On our way home Tom saw golfers on a couple of golf courses. I told him he had to go golfing, but he is afraid to leave me for that long a time. I am not afraid and perhaps a friend could come by.

Carol

I know I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: a great little book is The Four Agreements by Dom Luis. 1) Always do your best; 2) don't take anything personal; 3) don't make assumptions; and 4) be impeccable with your word. That's not the right order or priority, and the little book goes into explanations how each improves your outlook and your life. I find "don't take anything personal" and "don't make assumptions" to be keys to positive relationships. When he explains the personal one he says to take things personal is really quite an ego trip; it assumes one is the center of the universe and primary in everyone's thoughts and words. Often the unpleasantries sent our way are really a reflection of the misery in someone else's life, not a reflection of their true feelings about who we are. If we take things personally, we give control of our emotions to someone else.

I also heard a cool thing at church. Hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.....

What DK said.

Ann

Carol Troestler wrote:

On our way home Tom saw golfers on a couple of golf courses. I told him he had to go golfing, but he is afraid to leave me for that long a time. I am not afraid and perhaps a friend could come by.

Carol

Carol,

Can you ride in the golf cart? That is why I started going. Dave was afraid to leave me as I was on meds that made me fall. I am off those meds , but love to go.

I liked what DK said also.

Good post DK.

alice wrote:

Carol Troestler wrote:

On our way home Tom saw golfers on a couple of golf courses. I told him he had to go golfing, but he is afraid to leave me for that long a time. I am not afraid and perhaps a friend could come by.

Carol

Carol,

Can you ride in the golf cart? That is why I started going. Dave was afraid to leave me as I was on meds that made me fall. I am off those meds , but love to go.

Great idea!

Shelagh,


That is so cute.

We went again today. I drove the cart and even got out and moved the post for Dave to put the ball in.

it is so beautiful, I can see why people love to golf.

The first time I went golfing, I shot a 78 on 18 holes. I was young then, and just about as physical as a woman gets. I played tennis, softball, ran track, breathed lots of air. Now, I would ride the cart.

I have two Carry All's that run on gas. I used them for pulling nursery trailers around the farm. Now, I use them to maintain this farm.

I have had them, the same two for 20 years. Out here in this country, the baby grands loved to think they were driving while sitting on my lap with their strong grip on the steering wheel. We mooed at the cows, pick flowers, fished from the bridge, went to the little store. They love everything about those carts. Once they grew up enough to drive it themselves, what fun they had flying around this farm. How independent they felt, What smiles graced their faces.

I loved it all.

Love,
Betty

Many years ago we escaped the hurricane (they were smaller then) by driving to central Florida and staying at some resort with a nine hole golf course. We had a perfect foursome with the spouse and three sons - and me as a fifth. It took about thirty minutes for the boys to offer to take me back to the hotel because surely I'd rather swim and sun than waste time hitting that ball to nowhere. I never tried again.

I broke my back and had surgery--can't golf, but love to watch.

Dear DK,
The whole fun of golf is driving the cart. It is not so much fun on a serious golf course because everyone has to be QUIET!

When I planted ponds on golf courses, I noticed that the people gathered on their screened porches with drinks in hand and watched me, made comments about my butt, which was always up in the air, and had a fine time. Sometimes they cackled so loudly that I had to stand up and look right at them. What fun they do have on golf courses without once hitting a golf ball.

You would think that those old people live a sedate life, but that is not the truth. My David tells me about one older woman, who every morning at 6:30, was "getting nailed" up against a palm tree on the 18th green. There is evidently life after 70.

I am glad of that.

Love,
Betty

Betty,

As usual, you are so right.

I goofed today and thought of Abe and his great love of adversity--laughed and messed up Dave's shot.

Golf. It can be fun and relaxing, or it can be frustrating and stressful.
I took up golf when my father asked me to go with him. He needed the exercise and it was fun to be alone with my dad. That was when one carried their clubs. Then it graduated to a pull cart before evolving into a riding cart. The riding cart defeated the original purpose.

When I played golf in later years with members of the corporate community, things changed. Having a good score and winning the game was foremost. Excuses were common. It was the fault of the club, a bad lie, the green was poorly maintained, etc. Whacking the club against a tree, throwing the ball away because it didn’t go where it was intended. Placing bets on best hole, best nine and best game. The competitive spirit was transferred from the corporate room to the golf course.

Yes, golf can be fun and relaxing or it can be harmful to one’s health. It can also turn friends into enemies arguing about the rules, improving on a lie, lying about the number of strokes taken, etc., all over a little ball.

Carol,
Encourage Tom to play, but not to compete. You want to see him come home in good spirits. The fresh air, exercise and comraderie of friends are good.

For my ex it was tennis. It eventually reached a point where no one in our group wanted to play with him. And not because he always won, but because he made the game so competitive that it stopped being fun.

Ann

Ann,

Your ex sounds like a true nightmare. W had some friends like that once.

The man had to win everything, What a way to live.

I like friendly competition.

Alice, we all have nightmares of one kind or another. My ex is coming into my attention lately as I learn to "practice what I'm preaching" and see that it wasn't about me. He was in an unhappy place. I thought at the time that his attitude and behaviors were my fault. Thing is, if we see everything as being about us, we get stuck in the illusion that we can control what is happening around us, and control the people in our lives. If his anger was my fault, then I could fix it - and him. If he put me down enough, I would be unable to fight back, and he could control me. We had observed the rituals and signed all the papers, but neither of us was willing to let go and genuinely connect.

"It ain't right and it ain't wrong; it just is." (Tobey McGuire as Jacob "Dutchy" Rodell in Ride with the Devil. Jake rode with the bushwhackers during the Civil War. By the time the war ended, he had come to see the world in a new way, where there were no real "bad guys," just guys with unresolved problems of their own.)

Ann