Spreading the joy of writing

When I was in the hospital last year, I met the most wonderful nurse. She embodied the true essense of compassion. The more we talked--between her work with other patients--the more connected I felt. She has an amazing life story and expressed a desire to record it in a book. We talked for several days, and she became more and more excited about actually starting the project. Add to this; her story sounds like a facinating, inpirational journey. She literally pulled herself up from a very humble beginning.

I just spoke to her on the phone, and I am so pleased that she is writing! I hear the zeal in her voice.

Have any of you felt as if you might have prodded someone else to follow his or her dream to write? It is the most wonderful feeling!

What a great story for too Rhett! Thanks so much for sharing it here, and I hope she keeps in touch with you and lets you know how it all turns out.

Keeping those writing torches going...

Hi Rhett,

I few months after one of my cousins lost her husband, I suggested that she should write a children's story -- not for publication but for her young grandchildren. She lacked the confidence although she did give it some serious thought. I received a letter last week saying that she'd just completed a course in children's literature. Maybe this will lead to writing as well as studying children's books. I have to admit, I did get a real buzz out of hearing how much she enjoyed the course!

I'm ashamed to say I recently experienced just the opposite. I'd been working with someone who has been writing for several years and was about to give up after the last rejection.

That same day I received an email from someone local who had accomplished some wonderful things in the business world and she decided she wanted to write a book about it. She asked me for some 'pointers.'

It still astounds me that people recognize that you have to go to school several years for any other profession, yet they think that anyone can sit down and write a book. I've heard, 'If I had the time, I'd write a book,' or, 'You wouldn't believe my life story. I should write a book,' a hundred times. They all think it's simply taking the time to write. Well, I say yes, anyone can write a book, but to write it in a way that other people will want to spend the time and money to read it takes professionalism, which is knowledge of craft and techniques.

So after yet again consoling a writer who has spent time and money on classes and still receiving rejections and encouraging him to keep learning and keep trying, I had to answer someone about 'pointers.' I told that person what it's really like, that some people, even after classes, have to spend years learning techniques and they still face rejection.

I regret that email. I regret that she contacted me when I was trying to keep someone from giving up.

I sent that person another email and apologized, saying I was having a bad day, and to please, if she truly wanted to write, to disregard all my doom and gloom and just write. I haven't heard back and that makes me feel even worse.

But I guess that's a good lesson because I doubt I'll ever do that again.

Sometimes the truth is the most difficult thing to say. You know it will hurt and you wish it would be someone else to inflict the pain of the truth.

Often we respond too quickly to a situation. We're busy and want to get it over with or off our minds. As with other situations where decisions are being made, sleeping on it can help us formulate a proper response. It can be the truth but done in a manner that is more acceptable. We're all guilty of that Brenda.

I have found that "asking questions" to be a good way to handle sensitive situations as well as other problems. It places the responsibility on the other person. In the case of advice on writing, asking them if they're prepared for lots of hard work. Are they prepared for rejections, etc., places the decision on their shoulders.

Excellent advice, Abe, including sleeping on it before replying.

I've spent soooo many years teaching, encouraging, etc, that I can't believe I dashed someone's hopes & dreams so quickly. I just hope I get another chance to talk to her. If so, I'll remember your advice.

I know a few people that have started to have a go at writing since reading my work.

I also helped a young boy get published for the first time. He's been published a few times now.

I'm feel rewarded.

I always remember something Bette Midler said about offering constructive criticism...or, any criticism.

Now, this isn't exact--memory often doesn't serve me--but it's the gist.

She was in some kind of class where they discussed how to comment without making the other person feel belittled--a method she called "sandwiching". The negative comment is sandwiched between two good things.

When asked to try the method, she turned to a woman in the group and said, "You have a wonderful smile. You are the probably the biggest b**** I have ever met. Nice shoes."

Always, that cracks me up.

Anyway...I still feel it is important to tell the truth, even if it stings. As long as it is said with respect and the most kindness I can muster, it doesn't flatten the person's desire to write.
One problem I encounter ALL the time; people want me to give them the instant formula for achieving publication.

Often, they don't want to hear the answer. Work. Write. Edit. Attend conferences. Join and attend writers' groups. Write. Edit some more. Read in your genre. Research publishers. Take classes.

Sounds so easy, hmm? Right...

It's fun finding people on or off line who feel inspired to write, whether it's active journaling or for publication. When they have questions, I tell them whatever I'm aware of that might be helpful.

I feel better about it, though, when they person has a background and/or education that will help them be successful. In reading Brenda's comment, I don't think writers are trying to protect their turf, so to speak, when they feel somewhat discounted by those who think anyone can write a (salable) book.

Even though I have an interest in Carl Jung's work, I wouldn't presume to go up to a Jungian analyst and say that I've always wanted to help people sort out their subconscious minds.

I say this even though writer Mark David Gerson, in his very interesting "The Voice of the Muse" begins with a statement to the effect that: you can write; anybody can.

Malcolm

"Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts."

I agree wholeheartedly with Brenda and Rhett, writing requires a great deal of hard work. Unfortunately, writing well is no guarantee of success, which brings us back to Lynn's discussion about writers and storytellers. The truth is that if you are a good storyteller and can write well, you stand a much better chance of succeeding.

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
-- T.S. Eliot

Guilt is an interesting reaction. Brenda, to tell someone the truth is not a bad thing, and although I suppose we can always frame things constructively, to not have filtered your thoughts in this case is not a weakness on your part.
Sometimes people ask for pointers because they want to learn; other times it seems that they want to find others to do the work for them. Then again, sometimes they want someone who will be brave and tell them the truth.
How many awful singers have you seen on the American/Canadian/British Idol series? Some of those people have worked very hard but will never make it because in the end they do not have what it takes. It's really depressing to see that they are cheered on by their parents or friends who say "you're great - set your mind to it and you'll succeed...you're a star...blah blah good cheer..." when really they have not got one shred of ability when it comes to singing. For them the truth can hurt, but I also think that we do people more favours sometimes by telling the truth, and by granting them freedom to choose something else rather than staying stuck...in a rut.

A lot of times there is simply no reason to tell someone what we perceive the "truth" to be. Fact is, the "truth" for you may not be the "truth" for me, and vise versa. You may find it extremely hard to write well, and may need to spend countless hours, days, or even years before you feel comfortable enough to write something and let someone else read it. Then again, writing may come as naturally to some people as breathing or walking.

If I have no stake in a matter, and the outcome won't really affect me, either personally or in a business way, then I don't see a lot of reason to always tell everyone the "truth" especially if it might hurt them in some way.

In the instance presented here, I would have told the person to prepare for a lot of hard work, do all the research they could on the subject, and just go for it. They will find out soon enough if they have what it takes to complete a book, and to try and market it. If they do, then they will make the project the best they can, take advice from whomever they get to read it, and then jump into the pond with the rest of us.

I never tell people they're fat, or ugly, or dumb, even if I really believe they are, unless they say something to me to make me respond in a negative way. I will admit that this happens sometimes, and has on a couple of message boards, but I try not to. I don't mind telling the truth, but most of the time I'd rather just make a passive comment and not hurt anyone's feelings, and certainly not do anything to keep someone from writing if they really want to.

Well Don, now I really feel lower than a worm.

Of course I encourage people. I started cliquing writers’ manuscripts in the early eighties when I owned a bookstore and met a lot of writers. And even during the times of great stress when I had to put my own writing aside to act as a caretaker for someone I loved dearly who was suffering from a terminal illness, I still edited, taught, and encouraged others.

I believe I mentioned this was one incident that I regret, and the email came when I was consoling someone else who’d received yet another rejection.

I know your views on rejections. I know you’d rather publish with a small company than face all the typical rejections with the bigger boys. But some of us are shooting for the big-time, and to get a rejection after months, years, sometimes, of hard work, is devastating. I was encouraging her not to give up, because I whole-heartedly believe in pursuing your dream no matter what.

However, when this other person thinks all she needs is some ‘pointers’ to write a best-selling book, I responded in a way I seldom do. And I regret that. I wish now that I’d slept on it as Abe suggested and tempered my response a little more gently.

But I have to say, that when you’re going for the stars, it’s sometimes a long, difficult road. To just write a book doesn’t always cut it.

I agree Don! It doesn't cost anything to offer a kind word. I take the same attitude to reviews. Once a work is finished and published, there is nothing to be gained for the author by pointing out the weaknesses of a book. By selecting out the books strengths, the author can figure out for themselves what needs to be improved next time. You have to credit authors with some intelligence and ability to "read between the lines".

When I passed my 11+ exam to gain entry to the local grammar school, a letter with the exam result arrived at home. After reading the letter, my father said that I'd only just passed. I asked him how he knew. He told me that he could read between the lines. I studied that letter word for word and line for line and couldn't figure it out. Of course, I did eventually work it out without my father having to tell me. His intention was not to discourage but to stop me becoming complacent.

I'm now an expert at "reading between the lines".

This is a good conversation, but I'm getting ready to leave. A new restaurant in the Big Bear foothills is having their first 'event,' an upscale dinner with a jazz ensemble, and my newspaper is sending me to cover it. Otherwise, I'd continue here as some others have added some interesting comments.

Will check in when I get home.

Brenda sounds like a great way to spend the evening! I hope that the music and food were good and that you are treated to a great evening!
Cheers!

Brenda says;

"I know your views on rejections. I know you’d rather publish with a small company than face all the typical rejections with the bigger boys."

And you have this belief why?

I've said many times that I see no use in going through the countless rejections that so many people feel like is the only path to true publishing. It's the old way, but not the only way. I see rejection notices as a way someone has of telling you that what you've written isn't very good, and if one doesn't have to go through that, then why do it.

I honestly believe that there are a lot of paths that will lead to the same destination, and if someone wants to spend all of their time writing and collecting rejection notices, that's fine for me. I just see it as a waste of time. Most will write for years and years and never get published by a major house, and it's not just me saying that the odds are against you, it's the entire industry saying it.

I think I will choose my own path, and perhaps in the next five years we will see who ends up where. Sound fair enough? I'm sure Brenda, that you think you are learning a lot from all those rejections, just as I'm sure you think you were right in your assessment of me, but I will still respectfully disagree.

My question to you, and to the others who don't think there is any other way to do things, remains the same. Knowing that you have a very, very small chance of ever getting that major deal, what will you do ten years from now when all you have to show for the time is a stack of rejection notices? If you pursue the same path for the rest of your life and it doesn't work for you, you'll be no better off than I if my way doesn't work either.

Once again, I have no way of knowing where any of us will be in 5 years, but maybe if we're still around we can compare what we have accomplished.

Brenda, I hope the dinner event was great.

As far as honesty goes, when someone asks a question, they are responsible for the answer.

I have managed to attain a modicum of tact, but will seldom lie to someone unless they are in danger of being suicidal. I also let them know it is only my opinion, and others might see it very differently. I am not an expert on anything but my own mistakes, and I make sure they know that.

If asked for an opinion on how well someone handled something, I might make the suggestion: "Have you tried ____ ?" If you can make someone think things out, they sometimes find their own answers.

And one adage: The truth will set you free, but first it will pi$$ you off!

If you don't want my HONEST opinion, don't ask for it is pretty much how I feel.

I think Abe's suggestion of sleeping on it is good. That way you can 'rehearse' an answer that will not be demeaning or crushing and still be honest.

For heaven's sake, Don. Climb down off that high horse. I said that was your belief because I've heard you say it countless times. I have no quarrel with that so why try to make it one? If I got it wrong, then I apologize. But only for that statement.

If I'm not published with the big boys in five or even ten years, then I'll spend more time learning. I want the big boys and so do most everyone I know because of all the advantages. I won't list them here because we've had that discussion before. You don't want to spend the time necessary to get in with the majors, that's your prerogative.

I worked with a writer for several years because she wanted a contract with one of the biggest romance publishers in the world. When she first started, she had no idea of how to write a sentence. She couldn't spell. When she'd start a page, she'd write until she got to the bottom of the page and there's where she'd put a period.

But she wanted to see her name on a book in Barnes & Noble and she wouldn't settle for less. She worked darn hard for it for 8-eight years and countless rejections along the way. And with each rejection, she learned something new. We attended some classes and writers' conferences together and one day she called me and she was sobbing, but it was a different sound, so I knew. She'd finally received that offer. Now she's a well-known writer with about eleven books published with the majors.

I also want that and I'm willing to work for it.

If you don't that's your business.

Pam and Zada, thanks. The dinner was absolutely wonderful, and the jazz ensemble was fantastic. We're not used to such great entertainment in our little city of about 40,000, but times are a-changing!

Great discussion! On the rejection letter thing, I have just this year read Stephen King's On Writing, and can't tell you how much it has affected me in a positive way. I highly recommend it, if you haven't read it yet.

He tells the story of his early years of writing. He began saving his rejection letters from the start, but never gave up, never let them discourage him to the point of not writing or feeling like a failure.

He measured his success, and was thrilled when instead of a plain form letter, there was a personal note written on it... even, "Needs a little work", or "Not the type of story we're looking for right now".

I'll have to look it up again but he also said there are three categories of writers—bad writers, good writers and great writers. With hard work, a good writer can become a great writer, but there is nothing that can make a bad writer even a good one. (Something like that)

"If you don't try a thing, you can't fail at it." ~ Brew, 2008

Brew, I read On Writing when it first came out. But I disagree with one statement. You can make a bad writer good because I’ve seen it happen. All it takes is for that person to have determination, patience, and be willing to learn.

I think a lot of those type things in his book was just his weird sense of humor showing, Brenda, but I understood his point. He had that terrible accident (?) about halfway through On Writing, you remember. LOL

I took his suggestion of "Kill your darlings" (adverbs) very seriously. I went through my sequel with the Word "FIND" feature and searched for all words ending with 'ly'. I must have eliminated at least 100 unnecessary adverbs that way!

I remember his accident and how shocked we all were.

Yep, those pesky little adverbs need to go.

Going to relax and sprawl now. It was a wonderful, exciting evening, but this ol' lady is worn to a frazzle.

"I also want that and I'm willing to work for it.

If you don't that's your business."

Or maybe I'm working as hard as it as you are, just in different ways.

I learned a long time ago to work smart rather than hard. Not that you aren't working smart, Brenda, but my opinion is that your way is not the only way, and saying that I'm not working as hard as you just because I'm doing it differently is very much a misconception on your part.

I don't think I've ever said you weren't working hard, Don. I think with the career you've had, you must've worked pretty darn hard. You've accomplished some impressive things and you know I think you're an excellent writer.

If you know of a different way to have a shot at the bigger advances, have the big chains carry your books and be eligible for the NY Times best-selling lists, I'd love to know.