Cheese String Theory

Professor Bertrand Polinsky studied at a little know university in an also not so well known country of Zaal in the southern hemisphere of the Earth.
The country of Zaal is located on an Island that is usually passed frequently by ships and aircraft which never even give it a second glance.
It is so easily mistaken because of its flat featureless landscape, as a basking whale. Only whale hunters have noticed it and have been known to take pot shots at it with harpoons. These attacks are never taken lightly by the people of Zaal however and they launch counter attacks at the whalers ships with torpedoes and usually succeed in sinking them. It is on this not so well known island in this little known university that Professor Bertrand studied quantum physics.
It was here he came up with his famous Wool Theory. Wool Theory is similar to String Theory but with one exception the wool unlike the string is knitted in the shape of a cosmic woolly hat and coat.
The Theory goes like this. Seeing as space is infinitely huge and contains absolutely no air to breath it is also infinitely freezing bloody cold. Therefore any intelligent creator worth his marbles would create a remedy for this lack in temperature hence the fabric of space is formed into a woven woolly hat and coat.
Hundreds of students who studied with professor Bertrand also agreed with this theory and further studies came up with others ‘Elastic String Theory’ similar again to String Theory but more flexible, ‘Cheese String Theory’ the universe is like the moon made basically of cheese strings which are full of holes so any traveller wishing to journey through space can do so through the tiny holes in the cheese strings making long distance travel easier and cheaper as you can always have a cheese sandwich. This theory was the most popular of all so much so that Professor Bertrand abandoned his Wool Theory in favour of Cheese String Theory.

Scientists on the island worked so hard at their studies that it was not long before they built a huge spaceship on one side of the island and made an enormous giant cheese wedge on the other. Carefully they aimed the spaceship at the giant cheese wedge in readiness for the greatest journey of all time.
The entire population of the Island of Zaal including Professor Bertrand wearing only woolly coats and hats boarded the spaceship and count down commenced. With split second precision the engines roared into action and the spaceship left the launch pad hurtling towards the giant cheese wedge on the other end of the island.
There was an almighty squelch as the spaceship disappeared into a hole in the centre of the cheese wedge and an enormous explosion followed causing the entire island to sink into the sea never to be seen again. No wreckage was ever found and no one knows for sure what happened to the islanders of Zaal .

Next time you eat cheese give a thought for Professor Bertrand and the Islanders of Zaal for out there somewhere in the farest reaches of the universe there could be a spaceship full of people wearing woolly hats and coats that stink of cheese.

Dear David,

I do enjoy your mind. You ease mine.

Love,
Betty

I'll certainly keep them in mind every time I eat cheese. Do cheese crackers count?

Yep! They have tiny holes in them so be very careful you never know what may suddenly fly out of one!

Dick Stodghill wrote:

I'll certainly keep them in mind every time I eat cheese. Do cheese crackers count?

Only if you are crackers.

David,
was the cheese green?

Green cheese Abe I can honestly say I've no idea.
I have never tried green cheese have you?

It was a saying when I was a kid that the moon was made of Green Cheese.
An expression about the moon was also used when something was thought impossible. "That's like going to the moon."
Of course that changed after the moon landing.