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 Golf joke

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slb
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PostSubject: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:02 am

Various versions have been floating around for about thirty years, but still a good one:

Matthew, Mark, and Jesus were playing golf. Matthew tees off and drives the ball 250 yards straight toward the green. Mark tees off and drives the ball 300 yards straight toward the green. Jesus tees off and shanks the ball into the woods. The ball bounces from tree to tree until it's spit out of the woods, skims over the small pond, skates through the sand trap, up onto the green, circles the hole six times and fall in. Hole in one! Mark looks at Jesus and says, "Enough with the miracles, already, let's just play the game!"
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:40 am

Good one Sib.
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:29 am

A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box.

"Would you like to join us and make a foursome?" asked the grandfather.

"I would, but on one condition," replied the lovely young woman. "I prefer to select my own clubs and make my own putts without advice from men. Every other time I've golfed with men, they try to give me advice. Will you agree not to give me advice?"

The men all consented in unison, none of them being particularly good players.

As they soon realized, this young woman was a fabulous golfer. She was getting par on every hole. The men were wondering who would have the nerve to give her advice!

On the eighteenth hole, the woman found herself facing a 35-foot putt, with a severe undulation on the green. She studied it, and studied it, and studied it.

Finally, she said, "Gentlemen, I'm very happy that none of you tried to give me advice before this. I've never played a round with men when at least one of them didn't try to give me some advice. Right now, if I make this putt, I'll have par for the course, and I'm asking for your advice. If you help me and I make this shot, I'll sleep with each one of you!"

The young man rushed over, studied the putt, and said, "You have to aim for that small bush to the left of the hole, that should be the right break!"

The father ran over and studied the putt, then said, "No, I think you should aim at the knot on the log to the left of the hole, and that will be the right break!"

The grandfather walked up to the ball. "Heck," he said, calmly picking up the ball, "that's a gimme."


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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 9:58 am

Love it Shelagh. People forget that these old men are clever (tricky).
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:51 am

Good one!
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Al Stevens
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:26 pm

Definition of a pessimist: Someone who says "aw shit" on the backswing.
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:36 pm

Two mortals, Ben and Sam, and Jesus are playing golf. The mortals don't know who he is.

On the first hole, Jesus selects a 3-wood. Sam says, "You need a 4-wood for this hole." Jesus says, "No, I saw Arnold Palmer play this course last week. He used a 3-wood."

After the first shot, Jesus selected a nine-iron to shoot to the green. "Probably ought to use a five-iron," says Ben. "No," Jesus says, "Arnold Palmer used a nine."

Jesus hits the ball into a water trap. He goes to the edge, walks across the top of the water, reaches down into the water, and retrieves his ball.

Ben says, "Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?"

"No," Sam says, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer."


Last edited by Al Stevens on Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:41 pm

Groan! lol
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:42 pm

A golfer checks into a hotel near the course. They have packages of three golf balls for $2.50. He figures he'll buy one after he checks in. The desk clerk tells him the room will cost $750 for a night.

"No way," he says and goes down the street.

"How much are the rooms," he asks.

"Fifty five bucks a night," the clerk says.

"Good, I'll take it. How much for a package of golf balls?"

"Eighty-two dollars," the clerk says.

"What? The place down the street has them for two-fifty."

"Yeah, but down there they've got you by the rooms."







Get me started...
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Mar 09, 2012 2:16 pm

Here's another old one:

An snarky pro golfer challenges an amateur to a round of golf. The amateur says he'll play on one condition, that the amateur gets two gotchas. The pro, not knowing what that is, nevertheless agrees.

At the first hole, the pro steps up to the tee. Just as he's into his backswing, the amateur rushes up behind him and yells, "Gotcha!" right into the guy's ear. The pro slices the ball into the rough.

The round finishes and the pro does just awful. Back in the clubhouse the amateur's buddies mareveling at how the man could have beaten a consumate pro. The amateur says, "He spent the entire time wondering about the second gotcha."
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Sun Mar 11, 2012 6:04 am

Those rejection slips sure do add up:

When a young aspiring author marries, he asks his bride to never look in his golf bag because of his superstition about anyone interfering with his clubs.

After twenty-five years of evenings spent at his computer keyboard working on his novel and composing letters to agents and publishers, she finally gets a glimpse inside one of the golf bag's side pockets that he accidently leaves open. Inside, she sees 3 golf balls and $50,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains, "Every time I recieved a rejection slip, I put a golf ball in the side pocket of my bag." She thinks that three times in twenty-five years is really not justification for all her lonely nights watching his back and loses her temper.

"But honey! Look at the $50,000!" he responds.

"Sure, but what’s that about?" she asks.

"Whenever I got ten golf balls, I sold them."



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tensejim
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PostSubject: Re: Golf joke   Fri Dec 14, 2012 6:52 am

lol...you guys are funny
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