Time for a joke

Subject: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:11 am

How do you stop a mathematician from pestering you? Laughing

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:13 am

Shoot him on a count of three?

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:14 am

I don't know; how do you stop a mathematician from pestering you? (If Jim's not right!) Time for a joke 950944

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:27 am

Work him out with a pencil?

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:30 am

Good one lin! I love this:

Quote :: Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer "one third x cubed."
She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
She asks, "one thir dex cuebd?"
"Yes, that's right," he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".
The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"

Not such a dumb blonde!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:26 pm

If a person had a career in spending other people's money, what would be his job?

He'd be a politician, of course!
lol!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:00 pm

>>>patiently waiting for the answer to the math riddle.

bounce

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Thu Jul 10, 2008 11:54 pm

I'm waiting too Pam. Perhaps there is a mathematical forumula in how long we must wait.

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:55 am

lin wrote:: Work him out with a pencil?

Very close to what I had in mind, Lin. Mathematicians are not easy people to confuse or preoccupy with puzzles, so I figured we'd have to give them something hard. How about this?

"A square has four sides. A pentagon has five sides. An Octagon has eight sides, right?" To which the mathematician happily replies "Yes, quite. And so?"

You then ask him, "But how many sides does a circle have?"

That should hopefully keep him away for a few hours...

Here's another. As hinted by PGK above, how do you stop a politician from pestering you? geek

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:18 am

Shoot him.

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:46 am

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:49 am

I'm with you, Abe!! lol!

That sounds like a fitting end to me!
Time for a joke 866227

line 'em up!!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:14 am

You're a bloodthirsty lot!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:27 am

Especially in an election year!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:58 am

Matching pairs:

Two old men were sitting on a park bench. One turned to the other and said, "You're wearing odd socks."

The man with the odd socks pulled at his trouser legs to have a close look and replied, "That's funny, I've got another pair at home just like these."

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:32 am

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:01 am

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know,,,,,,,,, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!' Smile

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:03 am

That's a good one Zada.

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:09 am

Thanks Abe, I thought the guys would enjoy it. Here's a couple of 'one liners' for us gals:

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:53 am

At the risk of taking up a lot of space today, here is another one:

Revenge is best served cold!!!

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Susan," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh. Don't talk." He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother." "I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you!"

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:22 am

Geesh! I wouldn't want to cross you - you take deadly revenge.

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:36 am

I've been told that revenge is sweet! Wink

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:38 am

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:08 am

Zada those are great. Love the helicopter one especially!

Subject: Re: Time for a joke Sun Jul 13, 2008 12:02 pm

» IT WAS A SIMPLER TIME - IT WAS A GENTLER TIME
» Chihuahua joke from Mexico
» My Dad's Favorite Joke
» WHAT IS THE BEST JOKE YOU EVER HEARD ?
» Pelosi joke