Living with Purpose

Something that continues to haunt me throughout my life is living with purpose. I have tried to do things in life with what I have been given, good and bad. Many here seem to do that also.

I wander, doubt, search, and sometimes am lost.

How to find purpose, especially when jobs end, mobility becomes limited, and resources become less is something that has haunted my latest year.

How do you deal with finding purpose?

I thought of this yesterday when Alice and I met, two people who have had limited mobility and faced life threatening illness, and thought the purpose could be friendships, living with joy, cherishing life.

Carol

Many mothers feel bereft when their final child goes off to school at the age of five. They feel all purpose has gone out of their lives. How wrong they are!

No wonder, then, that you should feel the same way every time there is some kind of finality to your life: kids going off to college, leaving home to seek out their careers, getting married. Then there is the volunteer work, the part-time and full-time jobs and the deaths of your parents.

It's understandable that you feel less purposeful. However, there are still challenges ahead; so focus on them and work towards them. Travel, writing, driving, renewing friendships: all these things are still important to you. Enjoy life. It's the only one you have.

Carol Troestler wrote:

How do you deal with finding purpose?

I do like Madonna, I reinvent myself, lol. Good question! I think what you're really asking is: how do we discover what we're supposed to be doing? I've asked myself that. Most of us, myself included, probably bump along this life, doing the things we have had access to, whether we're suited for it or not.

Carol,
you raised a good question. Most older people have that to deal with and there is no simple answer. Our backgrounds are varied and we reflect on the things that we did that brought us to where we are today. Some have physical problems that limits mobility and that changes what one might otherwise do.
But having a goal is important. I can't imagine getting up in the morning and saying, "Now what will I do today?" Having a schedule that means one must perform a certain task is not what I'm talking about. Retiring should mean doing the things you want to do that creates enjoyment and not something that you have to do.
You have a gift. The ability to write is something special. Not everyone can do that. Writing under pressure is not good. Writing to get published can be stressful. Writing for enjoyment is better. If it gets published, great. If not, so what. You had a full life of accomplishment and don't need to prove anything to anyone. Writing words of encouragement, that you do so well, can be a help to many. Take stock of your attributes and enjoy the memories.

A good question. One I can't answer, though, because it has never occurred to me. I guess the closest I could come would be "try not to get shot."

If the main purpose is staying alive, that's not a bad motto.

One of the things I'm working on is spending more time "being" and less time "doing." It always seems that I have too many projects going on and simply not enough hours in a day to get everything done and I miss out on the joy of the little things: a sudden cool breeze on a warm day, the sound of rain as it hits the roof of my car, the feel of the wood grain on the door at work. I try to linger more and notice these things so life doesn't go by in a dizzying blur.

Merri,

I like your expression about not wanting life to go by in a dizzying blur. However, the happier one is, the quicker life goes by, and bad times seem to drag on and on.

Everyone, thanks for the comments. I like the one about "reinventing oneself." That's a very good idea. The older one gets the more one has to reinvent over and over. Sounds possible though.

Once again having temporarily beat the odds, I have to reinvent myself. Being disabled is ending as we are putting away the rolator and ramp into our house as I no longer need them. Today I received a training session from a trainee for my life threatening illness program and told the person things were changing and there would be new procedures and I'd no longer be the trainer. Twenty years ago I sat with a woman at a conference lunch, and she said she needed a co-facilitator for a group at a comprehensive cancer center. We began a group, wrote a program and now are selling this to another organization.

Sometimes things drop at our feet, and other times we need to reinvent.

And gratitude is such an endearing thing to feel. I am enjoying feeling that as if it is a life purpose.

I hope there are more comments.

Carol

Quote :

Being disabled is ending as we are putting away the rolator and ramp into our house as I no longer need them.

Carol, hearing this news brought tears to my eyes. I remember the day I was able to get rid of the chair I had to have in my shower. I could finally stand without getting out of breath and needing oxygen while I washed my hair and body. It was such a thrill. Seems like a long time ago now, but every morning when I'm in the shower I think, "Remember when you couldn't do this? Or when taking a shower took so much energy it was the only thing you did besides sleep all day?"

Here's to reinventing ourselves!

merrihiatt wrote:

One of the things I'm working on is spending more time "being" and less time "doing." It always seems that I have too many projects going on and simply not enough hours in a day to get everything done and I miss out on the joy of the little things: a sudden cool breeze on a warm day, the sound of rain as it hits the roof of my car, the feel of the wood grain on the door at work. I try to linger more and notice these things so life doesn't go by in a dizzying blur.

I concur with you, Merrihiatt. Moderation in all things.

This poem came in the mail today. It is by John O'Donahue and I am only copying a few verses here. The title is "For a Friend on the Arrival of Illness."

Now this dark companion has come between you.
Distances have opened in your eyes.
You feel that against your will
A stranger has married your heart.

May you trust this light to clear a path
Through all the fog of old unease and anxiety
Until you feel arising within you a tranquility
Profound enough to call the storm to stillness.

May you learn to receive it graciously,
And promise to learn swiftly
That it may leave you newborn,
Willing to dedicate your time to birth.

Carol

I think it is all about discovering who you are inside.

Don't use your mate, family, or job (or anyone or anything else) to identify who you are.

Your core person is within.

Dear JoElle,
You have spoken the truth. Most of a person's life is lived alone even with husbands and children and friends abounding. The mind is solitary. There is no entry to it except by permission and that is often qualified and limited.

Love,
Betty

JoElle and Betty,

Beautiful thoughts. I think you are both right.

Love, Carol