A very large topic: ELEPHANTS

Subject: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:31 am

From the pages of the Cottondale Daily News comes this breaking news.

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PREGNANT ELEPHANT KILLS FLOCK OF CHICKENS

Sam Smith of North Hollyhock Road in the Elmore Hills community recently got a huge surprise when he returned home from an evening of fun at the local opera house. Elly May, the pet elephant of Sam’s neighbor Ralph Jones, had gotten out of her pen and had eaten all of Sam’s prize fighting roosters.

Sam says he immediately grabbed his shotgun with the intention of shooting Elly May and maybe even shooting Ralph as well. However, when he ran back into his front yard he saw that not only was Elly May in the family way, she was actually giving birth on his front lawn.

Sam, ever the opportunist, persuaded Ralph to give him the baby elephant in exchange for the dead chickens. He had heard of other neighbors earning extra money by leasing their pet elephants to the local police department to use to sniff out drugs during traffic stops. It seems that elephants are much more adapt at drug sniffing that dogs, probably because of the size of their proboscis.

One local cocaine dealer objected, saying that he feared he could lose an entire shipment of coke with only one sniff.

The police department has begun an investigation into how much coke it would to get an elephant high, and expects to have the test result soon.

Sam’s elephant, a very cute young male, has been named Ramsey and Sam says he will never allow the youngster to develop a taste for chicken.

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Please share with us here the story of your favorite elephant, especially if you have ever earned money by using them to sniff out cocaine.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:35 am

Question: When an elephant is in the room, is it better to ignore it, acknowlege it, or shoot it?
scratch

Ann

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:39 am

I would say sit it down and analyze it!! Maybe it won't get the habit of cocaine ingrained in it that way. lol!

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:58 am

Ann,

I do love elephants but I'd feel safest shooting it.

Why?

Can't ingore it-- it would get hungry.
Acknowledge it-it would still get hungry.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:59 am

One of the old "How can you tell jokes" from back in the day.
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Q. How can you tell when an elephant is in bed with you?

A. You can smell the peanuts on its breath.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:36 am

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:55 am

How do you know when an elephant has been in your fridge?

By the footprints in the butter!

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:03 am

If an elephant were in the room, I'd buy a big bag of peanuts, then sit on the floor cross-legged so we could eat 'em and share stories together and laugh.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:41 am

Those folks in Cottondale have nothing on the people of Peru, Indiana. Circuses used to headquarter there and one day an elephant escaped. While one might think that finding an elephant would not be too difficult, he was on the loose for two weeks. One day he decided to stroll down Peru's main street.

When we lived in Cooperstown, NY a bear did that one day in nearby Oneonta at the height of the Christmas shopping season. He may not have been a very smart bear because he should have known it was time to hibernate.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:47 pm

zadaconnaway wrote:: How do you know when an elephant has been in your fridge?

By the footprints in the butter!

Omg...

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:36 pm

Do you know why ducks have flat feet?

From stomping out forest fires.

Do you know why elephants have flat feet?

From stomping out flaming ducks.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:23 pm

Do you know why elephants wear red toenail polish?

Canouflage for hiding in the cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? It's pretty good camouflage. Don't you agree?

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Thu Feb 26, 2009 12:33 am

A Hippy was standing on the corner snapping his fingers. A passerby asked why he was snapping his fingers. He said, "To keep the elephants away." The passerby said, "There ain't no elephants within a thousand miles of here."
The Hippy said, "Pretty effective, ain't it?"

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:37 am

How do you make instant elephant?

Open the package, add water and run!

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:39 am

What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks and 2 trunks?

An elephant with spare parts.

Subject: Re: A very large topic: ELEPHANTS Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:12 am

Abe F. March wrote:: A Hippy was standing on the corner snapping his fingers. A passerby asked why he was snapping his fingers. He said, "To keep the elephants away." The passerby said, "There ain't no elephants within a thousand miles of here."
The Hippy said, "Pretty effective, ain't it?"

That may have really happened, Abe. I remember a similar situation. Mr. Hardy, the father of one of my best friends from high school, had an elephant gun in his collection. When we asked him what use he could possibly have for it, he replied, "Well, you haven't seen any elephants around here lately, have you?"

Ann

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