A Dose of Reality

http://www.way2hope.org/abuse/abused-children.htm

The above link should help all with childhood issues.

Fortunately most of us are not as sorely afflicted as was Betty and her folks belong in jail, but it is too late now for that.

It seems to me that consciously remembering the past, as painful as it might have been, gives us more control than repressing it would.

Ann

Alice wrote:

http://www.way2hope.org/abuse/abused-children.htm

The above link should help all with childhood issues.

Fortunately most of us are not as sorely afflicted as was Betty and her folks belong in jail, but it is too late now for that.

Thanks, Carol and Ann,

As usual you are both on the right track.

You too, Alice. You are on the right track also.

Carol

One final thought on remembering.

Never, ever try to repress your memories.

The very instant you try,that is all you can think about.

I defy you not to think of a red-faced monkey for the next five minutes.

Instead set aside a time say 7:00 every morning to think about the red-faced monkey and see how long before you tire of it.

Our minds are funny.

One time we had a psychologist who had a miraculous cure for worry. A person could not let themselves worry at all during the day, but they were to set their alarm clock for midnight and then get up and worry for a half hour. I have no research results but he said it worked. I never tried it though. I had too much to worry about to only have a half hour!

Minds are funny things.

Carol

Alice wrote:

Betty Fasig wrote:

Dear Carol,
That little girl.

I will never forget her.

Love,
Betty

Forget her! She grew up and is an old person now--a good one too.

I rescind my advice--think about her every day at 7:00am for at least one half an hour. Next May 16 we will talk about her again.

Better yet, start a thread about her--I am interested in her also.
You will forget her before I do.

Betty, have you ever heard of John Bradshaw? I saw him do his 'on the family' presentation on PBS years ago. You can get his CD, Book, Kindle Edition, etc through Amazon at a pretty reasonable price.

When I watched it, the tears just flowed like a burst pipe. For me, it was quite healing. I think the program was about 6 hours and deals with 'dirty little family secrets' and healing our inner child.

Good, Zada,

Thank you--I am glad you were helped.

There are always some secrets somewhere. We never really know what is in the hearts and minds of those in a family. Sometimes I wondered if my brother really grew up in the same family I did, because he often perceived things quite different.

I wrote about my family because I wanted to piece puzzle pieces together and discover the secrets I knew were there. Some I found and some have gone to the grave in the hearts of those who lived with them.

There are things that go on around us we know and some we don't know. Families are supposed to be places of refuge and support, but sometimes are frightening places of conflict.

My mother's resentment of her father was very strong. She later told me her father had an affair, and the woman had come to their house. That was enough. I knew I could have asked who the woman was, but I did not.

TV shows can be healing. Books can be healing as well as writing.

I believe "it is never too late to have a happy childhood." We just need to know we can create our lives, and even when bad decisions are made, like DK said, the next day is a new day and we can pick ourselves up and start once again.

This thread has such a feeling of love to it, a quiet peaceful caring.

Love, Carol

This is such an eye opening thread! Sorry for replying a little late.
I have spent the last 25 years of my life with a wonderful person who is physically and mentally suffering. Yes she is a victim of childhood abuse of the most dispicable and unthinkable kind.

We have encountered on our travels through this life many people who with the best intent have advice born out of their beliefs. If only it was so simple as praying or reading the Bible or giving money to the church. But it is not.

There are just some things that just happen that we just have to bare it seems. It is a little bit much when you get told that the reason you're suffering is because God is testing you or you're not praying enough or you've been lacking in faith. I would forgive anyone for thinking that a God like that is cruel. I somehow feel that those who dispense such advice are very much in error and mistaken in their belief.

I think you guy's are helping more through this thread than those who offer such God Given advice.

dmondeo wrote:

This is such an eye opening thread! Sorry for replying a little late.
I have spent the last 25 years of my life with a wonderful person who is physically and mentally suffering. Yes she is a victim of childhood abuse of the most dispicable and unthinkable kind.

We have encountered on our travels through this life many people who with the best intent have advice born out of their beliefs. If only it was so simple as praying or reading the Bible or giving money to the church. But it is not.

There are just some things that just happen that we just have to bare it seems. It is a little bit much when you get told that the reason you're suffering is because God is testing you or you're not praying enough or you've been lacking in faith. I would forgive anyone for thinking that a God like that is cruel. I somehow feel that those who dispense such advice are very much in error and mistaken in their belief.

I think you guy's are helping more through this thread than those who offer such God Given advice.

Welcome, Dmondeo,

You are very insightful. I have not been so gun-ho on religion since my vibrant health disappeared.

It is almost -not quite--funny. I worship God--just don't think you have to be in a certain church at a certain minute to do it properly.

I was uanble to drive for two years--totaly house-bound . My good
Catholic friend said to me, "Doesn't your church have a van to haul you and the other shut-ins around in?"

I laughed and said, " What? They don't think anyone should be sick--why would they do that?"

The line that gags me is when I am told God is "purifying me.'

I don't believe it for an instant.

See I am wrong--with my attitude no wonder I am not well!

Also, If they did have a van to haul folks in--they'd probably have a preacher exhorting us on what to eat ,how to exercse, why we were not well and then take up an offering to boot.

Now you got me going--it will all come out.

I had a friend, she is a friend no longer. I bore long wth her--too long.

We were both on church board. For some unknown reason I had the misfortune to become the church board chairperson.

I did not seek it as I did on the life raft.

She was my worst nghtmare. She called me and told me continually how wrong I was about everything.

Other board menbers co-operated--she did not.

The pastor was wrong, I was wrong the secretary was wrong, the janitor was wrong and of course I was to fix it all just to suit her.

Fnally after two years that ended.

I had brain surgery and walked to church wearing a hat.

What a crime ! She came over and hissed, You get that hat off of your head, you just like attention."

Life is so beautiful without her. More later...

Now knocking wearing a hat got me!!

I love my hat collection. I love wearing hats.

My hair has progressed to my being able to go hatless without drawing attention to a partially bald lady, but I love the hats. It took me a while to get the right style for me. Big floppy ones just didn't work.

Carol

Modern medicine has come a long way in helping us to heal, or at least to cope with, our conditions. But I wonder if there will ever be a cure for mean-spiritedness.

Ann

Thank you, Carol,

I abode the hat remark.

Then along came my pancreas surgery. They took my spleen as well--it was no Sunday picnic.

I was concerned before the surgery as I had 50/50 odds of cancer.

Pancreatic cancer is generally fataL

She said, " Do not think about it!"

After the surgery they opened the incision, I was on heavy meds--she said, " All you need is Tylenol. "

I saw the light. No more of her.

Ann ,

I hope she gets over it--she will have to do it largely alone.

Marie,

How right you are.

Disc problems are frightful. I had a very sucessful back surgery after a disc rupture.
Hope you get better and stay that way.

Back to the real world!

How do you see it?

I don't know how I missed this very touching thread! Abuse is everyone's problem, and no one should just sit around and watch it happen around them without doing something. Those who turn away when they could help are just as guilty as the abuser. "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."

Helen,

Glad you are here.

Thanks, Alice. I'm always lurking around. Glad I found this thread. It took awhile to read all the wonderful posts, but I'm so glad I did.

Your advice would be most welcome.

Helen,

You are a good person to be here.

The other night when this discussion was progressing, I felt those good feelings.

I think they are still here, and go beyond the words spoken.

Carol

Carol,

Thank you. I could feel the warmth from this thread. It pulled me in, and I wondered how I didn't find it sooner.

Alice,

You always start the best threads! They make people really think.

Thank you, but it is the responders who make the threads.