A Dose of Reality

Carol,
I'm right with you on choosing to live in peace. I've had my own share of sick and nasty people who tried to break into my peaceful existence. I learned to not live in fear, too.

But I feel so badly for those who haven't found that peace in their lives.

Alice,
I believe that your friend knew about the beatings of her children, too. And maybe the kids wanted to stay with their father over her because he scared them into it. Abusers know how to manipulate their victims. They break down their victims' confidence and fill their brains with fear.

Helen wrote:

Quote :

Abusers know how to manipulate their victims. They break down their victims' confidence and fill their brains with fear.

Helen, this is also true of mental and emotional abusers.

Ann

Yes, I've known a few of them, too.

Me, too.

Carol

There came a time in my life when I realised that I did not deserve what was being dished out. I left and went into the arms of another who did not value me. And then to another. The faces changed and the types of abuse also changed. Eventually I realised that I was responsible for what I allowed to touch my life. This only came as an adult, when I was able to change my surroundings. And my mind set also changed.

As a child I would escape into books. I wish I had stories like Wooffer to help guide me back then. Fortunately, I did not have to live with Betty's horrors. I might not have survived. Often, what we learn as children carries over into our lives and affects every choice we make. And what choices do the children really have, anyway? Thank heavens there are advocates out there today who really care. The world needs a thousand more Carols!

Today, I create my own reality. Not all of it good, but not all bad, either. The positive influences (much from this board) help me stay strong and keep going. I think we quite often give best what we need most.

Thank you for your thoughtful answers. You all agree with me that she had to know.

I am wondering why she thought she could tell me such an improbable tale.

To gain my sympathy? I am aleady sympathetic to her.

She is a college graduate with a BS in Nursing.

We were roommates in college, years ago. I never knew her to lie or distort truth.

She freely admitted to me she had had a mental breakdown. I am beginning to think she has not recovered.

Alice, she may have been looking to you for absolution. If you accept her story as valid, it becomes more "real" to her. She doesn't have to deal with the guilt of having allowed it to happen.

My dad was never able to face the reality of Mom's abuse. It was not on such a horrific scale, but he would tell us to stop upsetting our mother so that everything would run smoothly. We believed him, and assumed responsibility for her rages and manipulations. I had a hard time when I first realized that I was not to blame, and that he had convinced me that I was, rather than protecting me. I forgave him rather quickly, though, because I knew that he did love me. He just couldn't bear to deal with the reality of this woman he loved as well.

Ann

Good point, Ann --Thanks!

Today was a wonderful reality.

My sister-in-law has made it throught breast cancer in 2007 and colon cancer in 2008!

We are hoping cancer is tired of her. We are all very tired of it. She has had surgery, radiation--that took care of the breast cancer. Then chemo, radiation, surgery and more radiation.

So far so good--we decided to celebrate. It was fun! the whole bunch went to Olive Garden.

We were a motley crew.but a happy crew. There were 10 of us. Three were in their 80's. One MS patient and one with PD. One morbidly obese one in early twenties. 3 outwardly healthy ones and the cancer survivor.

Life is very good.

It soundslike lunch/dinner was a lively one!