An Upbeat Christmas newsletter

A STODGHILL SAYS SO BLOG:

It has been enough to turn a man against the holidays reading all these Xmas newsletters from folks whose kids just graduated from Harvard Law School which must have had one king size graduating class so it has come like a breath of fresh air to get one from Ol’ Ike down near Gnaw Bone, Indiana which follows:

Well, friends and kinfolk, none of us can complain about the kind of year it has been for the family cause for 2 months now we been out of bankruptcy as you probly know. The bank took back our new 12 room house but we found a great little empty place only a short way off from where the railroad goes through. After a couple weeks you can’t hardly notice the trains go by 50 feet off from the outhouse.
Esmeralda is jest about all recovered from that little disagreement with one of our new neighbor ladies. Most of the knife wounds are all healed up and the doc says the only scar will be the 8 inch one running crost her nose and on to her right ear.
It brought joy to us all when young Jimmy was let out of Reform School jest in time for the holiday seeson. On top of that, little Hortense passed 3 of her 5 subjects in fourth grade down at the union school and that shore was a big step upward from last year.
You may have seen on the TV about Aunt Tillie being et alive by a rampaging black bear but it turned out OK when the county was nice enough to put her 6 kids up in the orphan asylum jest down the road a piece. They wouldn’t of had to done that cepting for the parole board turning down their daddy’s application so it looks like Uncle Ed will have to stay up there in the state pen at Michigan City a while longer which ain’t bad when all things are taken into account. From what I hear the kinfolk of them three men he gunned down at the beer joint over Terre Hut way said some pretty nasty things about Ed at the parole hearing and that didn’t help his cause one bit.
The one sad thing in our lives right now is Cousin Anse still being in a coma up to the hospital in Naptown after being run down by one of them 18 wheelers when the car he stole turned out not to have no brakes. His wife Maude has filed suit agin the owner of the car and is specting big things to come of that.
So as you can see it has been a pretty good year here in Hoosierland and all we can say is we hope life has been as kind to you and if not the new year treats you jest like it has us down here. So like the fella says don’t do nothing I wouldn’t do – ha ha.

Thanks Dick I'm still laughing. I have been talking about doing this very thing for a couple of years now. I have several very close relatives where husband and wife both make six figure incomes and that's not counting the cents. Needless to say we read through the Christmas letter every year listening to all of the wonderful things they did during the year. I love them dearly and I am thankful they are all doing so well but I wish they would climb down off that high horse every once in a while and remember where they came from. Maybe they do because they remember my address every year.

We have some friends who send cards like that every year. This year their picture was of them in prison garb. I'm assuming the picture was for Halloween, but you never know.

Some gems from their letter:

While Pete was turkey hunting a tom turkey flew into his tent blind and I had to shoot him to protect himself. (From his wife I am assuming. This needed some editing, but I got the idea.)

The annual Wimbledon tennis victory went to Dick and his mother, Joyce. As you can imagine we did not hear the end of that. They are both so humble.

(Regarding a 40th birthday celebration.) We all went for pizzas and then to some of Dick's old haunts. Unfortunately because he is so old many of them are closed.

Carol

Those are all great ! I don't get too many newsletters, thank heavens. The ones I do get are pretty down to earth. Their lives are just as boring as ours!!

Dick that's a riot -- clearly I need to inject a little humour into my Christmas letters from now on. Oh, dang, speaking of Christmas letters...they are sitting here on my desk. Maybe I'll just cross out the title and call it a New Year's Letter. I never seem to get the things out on time for Christmas anyway!

Great thread folks!

But Jo Elle, when did that matter to people who file lawsuits? Aside from myself, of course. When they made me mad I sued Prudential and got a piece of the rock.

Dick,
liked the letter. Funny with some of the real world mixed in.
Merry Christmas
Abe