You've got to laugh...

Little Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.

The old man said, 'Whatcha got there, son?'

Johnny said, 'Got me some chicken wire.'

'Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son?' asked the old man.

'Gonna catch me some chickens,' said Johnny.

'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire,' said the oldster.

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street.

About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old man's front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire. The old man was shocked and couldn't believe his eyes.

A little later Johnny passed the old man's porch. 'Whatcha got now, son?'

'Got me some duct tape.'

'And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape?' the old man asked.

'Gonna catch me some ducks.'

'You can't catch ducks with duct tape,' said the old man. Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.

About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape. Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old man's porch.

'Whatcha got now, son?' asked the old codger.

'Got me some pussy willow.'

The old man said, 'Wait right there while I get my shoes!'

Shelagh, it's a strange coincidence but your story seems to go hand in hand with the news headline that is currently on CNN.





(CNN) -- For the first time in 400 years, the beaver has returned to Great Britain.

I did.

Gee, I didn't know girls in the UK told jokes like that. Well, actually I did know.

I found it by accident and knew it would make the men here laugh. I do get the joke but we don't use the term. You sit on your f****, but that would be considered rude over here.

You know the way it is, scones are cat head biscuits and biscuits are cookies and elementary schools are grammar schools and grammar schools are high schools and senior lecturers are professors. It's a wonder we manage to communicate!

Well, not that I think I'm difficult to understand, but I know for fargle that timmies are not the same thing as bumpenhackenbacks, and neither are smarkers. Jocklig scaoopes are not the best tasting, but we snaggle them just the same.

I understand perfectly, Don.
As for the Brits and Yanks communicating, how can you communicate with people who eat bangers and mash, bubble and squeak, toad in a hole and call french fries chips and potato chips crisps?

I plead the fifth. I remember a young mother writing a letter to the BBC about a commentator's commentary on a cricket match between England and West Indies.

She was watching the match on television while her young son was sitting nearby, playing with his toys.

Michael Holding was batting and Peter Willey was bowling. When the commentator said, "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey," the young boy turned to his mother and said:

"What does he mean?"

Another classic commentary on a match between England and West Indies at the Oval came affer Ian Botham (batting) knocked over his own stumps and was dismissed (declared out). Then bad light stopped play and commentators Jonathan Agnew and Brian Johnston were filling the time with replays of the match. Johnston was being a bit mischievous and saucy about Botham straddling the stumps, when Agnew went one better and said:

"Well, he didn't quite get his leg over, did he?"

Johnston tried to continue talking normally and he succeeded for about 10 to 20 seconds; then laughed so much he was unable to speak, and all this was heard on air.

One of my friends sent me on myspace:


Little Johnny had not studied for his life science exam.

The teacher in the one room school house was giving an oral exam.

"What are the four main advantages of breast milk?" she asked.

"No need to boil." called one student."

"And another?" the teacher questioned.

"It never goes sour." said another child. "Correct." said the teacher.

"It is available whenever is necessary." called out another.

"Johnny." she asked. "Do you have the last answer?"

"Sure," he said. "It is available in attractive containers of varying sizes."

He got an "A".

Like the sports gags, Shelagh.

Some of my favorites were newspaper headlines.

My alma mammy, the U. of Washington delighted me for two years when their star running back had the surname of "Hooker".

So I got to see headlines like:
"Hooker Welcomed Back Into Huddle"
"Hooker Scores Despite Pulled Groin"
"Hooker Runs Amok in Secondary"
"Hooker Revives Hopes of Post-Season Play"

But my all time favorite was when I was serving very hard time at Wake Forest U. (Baptists, no dancing, bunch of puritan facists, and no women to speak of) whose mascot was the Demon Deacons. (Interesting concept, huh?)
So they pulled off an upset win against the South Carolina Gamecocks.
And of course the Winston-Salem paper said, "Deacs Beat 'Cocks In Overtime."

Stumps! See what I mean about understanding Brits?

I can't top Lin's headline but my old Muncie Evening Press had a good one when two cops who hated each other, Jim Peters and Paul Cox tangled at a meeting. The headline: "Peters and Cox Battle at Merit Commission"

LOL
Oh, I'd say you topped it.

You guys are too much!! You had me blushing. (Okay, so I was flushed from laughing.) Isn't it delightful the way the language twists when it hops the pond? (And how twisted minds perceive it on each end?)

Who you calling a twisted mind?

Amazing lin. To think that you can do the twist with your head.

lin wrote:

Who you calling a twisted mind?

Thank you very Munch.

Dick Stodghill wrote:

Stumps! See what I mean about understanding Brits?

I can't top Lin's headline but my old Muncie Evening Press had a good one when two cops who hated each other, Jim Peters and Paul Cox tangled at a meeting. The headline: "Peters and Cox Battle at Merit Commission"

Do you mean to tell me you've never bowled a maiden over?

I've tried, Shelagh, but they usually just stood there like stumps.

You mean they upped stumps and left? Isn't that just like a woman?

Upped stumps? No doubt about it, English and American are two separate languages.

We down tools as well!

What? You have me totally lost, Shelagh!

Mind you we Scots can easily confuse the English by just asking for ginger and I don't mean the root.