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 Query Letter Feedback

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matthewkeith

matthewkeith

Number of posts : 10
Registration date : 2013-05-02
Age : 47
Location : Commonwealth of Kentucky

Query Letter Feedback Empty
PostSubject: Query Letter Feedback   Query Letter Feedback EmptySat May 04, 2013 12:43 pm

I am a new author - new to trying to find representation, anyway - and would appreciate any feedback anyone's willing to give. Everything I have read thus far on query letters has referenced keeping it short, do not go into a lot of detail, and do not talk about yourself unless it directly pertains to your book or your personal marketability.
This is what I've used most recently:



Dear ,

For your consideration, I would like to submit my novel, Watchers of the Night, a compelling fantasy adventure.

“You don’t even know where you are, do you.” A statement, not a question.

Paul Bennett doesn’t realize that his sleep disorder is actually a gift that allows him to travel the night free of his body. That is, not until he is approached by a member of Astralis; an organization funded by the government that uses people with his talent to gather information for the greater good.

At Astralis, Paul finds inclusion and friendship on a level that he’d never before had the chance to experience and begins to believe that Astralis could provide a new life for him. It isn’t long, however, before he realizes that Astralis is an organization under siege from within. Paul finds
himself forced to either choose a side or leave Astralis forever.


Watchers is complete at 112,000 words. I have begun work on a second novel based around the same characters.

I would be pleased to send you any requested portion of the manuscript for review.

Regards,

Matthew Keith
-name, phone, email, address, etc-
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http://www.matthewkeith.net
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
dkchristi

Number of posts : 8594
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

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PostSubject: Re: Query Letter Feedback   Query Letter Feedback EmptySat May 04, 2013 2:11 pm

Looks good to me, but I know there are certain requirements from each agent for what they want in a letter.
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http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
Domenic Pappalardo
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

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PostSubject: Re: Query Letter Feedback   Query Letter Feedback EmptyTue Jan 28, 2014 10:51 pm

Your story is like a movie I saw. Can’t remember the name;

A group had people who when sleeping could go into other peoples dreams, and give them heart attacks…one of the sleep guys goes in to kill the president, and the good sleep guy goes in to save him.

If an agent rread this book, or saw the movie, they might think it's a plot you built yours from. I would,



Outside of that, I think you write a good query letter.
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vmaxnick
Three Star Member
Three Star Member
vmaxnick

Number of posts : 91
Registration date : 2012-11-29
Age : 57
Location : Somerset

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PostSubject: Re: Query Letter Feedback   Query Letter Feedback EmptyMon Feb 23, 2015 5:10 am

Sounds a lot like 'Inception' which has even been parodied by 'South Park' and to a lesser extent, the 'Nightmare on Elm street' series. Not saying the idea couldn't work well again but it could be a bit of 'been there, done that' mentality on the part of the receiving agent.
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http://www.rhino-trikes.co.uk
Abe F. March
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
Abe F. March

Number of posts : 10704
Registration date : 2008-01-26
Age : 80
Location : Germany

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PostSubject: Re: Query Letter Feedback   Query Letter Feedback EmptyMon Feb 23, 2015 8:23 am

Wish I could offer help, but I have no success with query letters. 
I'm guessing, but I think timing is important as well as hitting an Agent's hot button.  As DK pointed out, you should check to see what type of material an Agent is looking for as well as their requirements.  They do vary.
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