Making the Most of Anger replies

Mmm chocolate...oh be still my racing blood sugar!

Pam what great articles. I worked with troubled teens when I lived in California and we implemented all of what you have said. Counselors and therapists worked closely with all the kids and our reactions to them as staff. The in services have been an invaluable part of training and now in my life. I think I do better with my job working with the disabled as I do, because of everything I learned. Of course I still mess up, but I can usually recognize it and admit it. That helps with any population, because if I can admit I'm wrong, it gives the people I work with permission to admit they are wrong also.

I still have to bite my tongue when my daughter rolls her eyes at me, or is sassy..., but it is becoming easier to let things go. I choose my battles more so things don't get blown out of perspective or control. It is funny because when my daughter generalized or minimized things, I point it out and simply say that statement is not true and I restate the problem.

"You never listen to me."
to
"I am listening, I just don't agree with you and I'm not going to let you get away with it."

"You are never fair, all my friends are going."
to
I'm not letting you go this time because you just got caught leaving school grounds to go to that boys house when you should have been getting help from your teacher. You told us one thing and did something entirely different."

"It was only a website."
to
"We have already discussed the site, it is inappropriate, porn is not okay! Your dad and I have talked to you about this before and you have chosen to do it anyway. You have computer restriction and won't be able to go on the computer at at all without supervision until further notice."

Just a few examples.

Vickie

What beautiful examples Vicky! Our kids certainly can figure out how to push our buttons can't they? I know mine most certainly have (including last night) and I often rely on those techniques that I have learned. Trouble is that our darned hearts and emotions get all twisted up in the process, and in my case last evening, I managed to make a couple of statements that in retrospect I am not happy with but -ack! I let her push my buttons.
How old is yours? Mine are 19 and 22. I bought some chocolate today so I can stuff it in my face next time I want to say something stupid.

Pam, my daughter is 15 years old. It has not been easy. I can see trouble brewing before she is even aware and it drives her nuts that I'm not a parent that will turn my head. I think the problem comes with our own kids or husbands, because we are emotionally involved. Working with someone without those ties is definitely easier, because we don't tend to take things as personal, it is that way for me at least.

Chocolate sounds good, the good dark espresso chocolate is my favorite. I have to watch it though. Don't want the dreaded weight gain.

Vickie

Tory, just a little aside here--dark chocolate has much less sugar than milk chocolate. The darker the chocolate, the better it is for you!!

Zada, thanks for that reminder. I can use some right now...

Vickie

Just rereading some of this, Pam. One thing I have found is that when confronted with someone else's anger, if they are loud, I only hear the anger and not the why. Often, if this is pointed out, they see that I really do want to know why they are angry. It does tend to soften things a little.

It is a great article, by the way!

You are right Zada, and it really is important to understand the why. There's too much anger in the world, IMO. Way too much.
Thanks for your feedback, too.

I think the anger often stems from misunderstandings. Once the air is cleared, so to speak, people are often more in agreement than not. Communication is key in most all situations.

I agree, Zada, being unable to disagree with you on anything. Over the years I have found that at times the most effective form of cummunication is a fist applied to a nose.

I think a lot of the anger is from stress.

Too often, many people tend to bring a lot of unneeded stress in their lives.

Pursuing too much material wealth, not taking proper care of
their health, focusing on wrong priorities, living with blinders on, etc etc.

If these people would just simply their lives, take care of their health, re-learn what things really matter, and actually LIVE instead of simply EXISTING they might find much of their stress ... along with their anger ... would disappear.

Dick, only use the fist for a punctuation mark!

Very long. I couldn't read that all. But about the anger I am angry all the time. Yes it's so if you want to say something to somebody no one hear you. There is the permanent noise around, so you must cry out what you want to say, and no one of us can not cry out anything being not angry at the same time.