Salvation in Squash

Subject: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:22 am

Squash
by Laurence R. Campbell

Frankly, all squash to me is prose
And heaven only knows
Why it was invented
Unless by someone quite demented.

No matter who are the cooks
I don’t like the looks
Of squash.

Even with a small touch of it
There’s much too much of it—
That is, of squash.

As for the taste of it
Well, that’s a waste of it—
Of squash, I mean.

As for the smell of it
I hate to tell of it—
Of squash, of course.

As for the sound of it
I hate an ounce to a pound of it—
You’re right, of squash.

When it comes to squash
It’s an orange-hued mush.

So rather than eat it,
I beat it.

I'm receiving conflicting reports from my muse about a new novel still on the drawing board.

Last week I was stunned when a major character was found dead at a friend's
house. She went there to feed his dog while he was out of town and
encountered an intruder.

My first reaction was: somebody's going to pay for this in spades. While
my muse had been providing hints about the probable culprit in this
tale or arson gone bad, she hadn't given me a clue about whether he was
going to be found dead in the conservatory or the hall.

New reports seem to indicate he might not die at all and, frankly, the
other characters including the Chief of Police are up in arms about
that.

I'm taking a laissez-faire approach, otherwise known as the
turn-off-the-computer avoidance approach. Inadvertently, a generous
friend has provided assistance in the form of a large bag of
garden-fresh squash.

Unlike my late father, I like squash, though I must confess it lacks the
excitement of broccoli and the down home durability of potatoes.
Suffice it to say, an entire bag introduces pressure into my schedule
since--unlike potatoes--it can't sit there for weeks without
"processing."

Determined to forget Character ABC who is dead and Character XYZ who might end up
getting shot in the ass with a .22 caliber rifle on a snowy morning, I
escaped into the no-brainer world of squash casserole this morning.

While cutting up the squash, I considered bringing ABC back from the dead,
rationalizing that unless one thinks the story is already said and done
before I write it down, she's not really dead until the book reaches
print.

While grating the extra-sharp cheddar cheese, I considered quitting the
writing business altogether and joining the ranks of an honorable
profession such as grave digging or repairing Linotype machines.

While preheating the oven and crumbling saltines with unsalted tops into the
mixture in the bowl, I decided that perhaps Character XYZ might get
shot in the ass two or three times prior to heading to the State Pen
for the rest of his life and just maybe that was a high enough price of killing Character ABC.

I'm just a writer after all, reporting the news from Storyville and points
east, not a god sitting in judgement of the good, bad and the ugly
between the lines.

I'm renewed and breathing easier now and I have squash to thank.

Copyright (c) 2009 by Malcolm R. Campbell. "Squash" copyright (c) 1987 by the Estate of Laurence R. Campbell

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:16 am

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:23 am

Forget the grave digging--I read in a newspaper a sad tale of a man who was digging his dad's grave. He fell over dead, so his friends got busy and dug him a grave.

Best skip the extra sharp cheddar cheese too--you have made me so hungry

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:27 am

I believe ABC died of an overdose of squash and broccoli, a combination guaranteed to kill any man. XYZ was drawn to the house by the putrid smell of the squash and broccoli and should be set free as he has already endured more than enough punishment.

I do recommend a new career of repairing Linotype machines as this will allow you plenty of leisure time to contemplate the joy of growiing and eating squash.

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:12 am

Quote :: Last week I was stunned when a major character was found dead at a friend's house. She went there to feed his dog while he was out of town and encountered an intruder.

I love when things like this happen!

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:27 am

Merri, stuff like that is always happen. Dick, I should have known you would blame the vegetables. Alice, that sounds like the kind of story I would make up, my best being one about people kicking the bucket in a graveyard.

Malcolm

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:45 pm

In the middle of last night I finally figured out what to do with some writing. I got up at 5:30 just to write it down before I forgot it.

Good story, Malcolm.

Carol

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:09 pm

Oh, Malcom,
The inspiration I have had with the contemplation of the rows of squash I have grown this year. The zucchini by it's own self in it's own row was an enemy that never relented. Each day, it grew another 6 inches, fortified it's green skins with chlorified vitality. Left unattended it became smug in it's undigestablity. What can I say. I gave up on it and let the goat people come to deal with it.

It was better that way.

Love,
Betty

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:13 am

Thanks, Carol. I hope you can read whatever you wrote down at 5:30 a.m.

That's all frightening, Betty. Somebody probably snuck in during the night and dumped Miracle Grow in your garden.

Malcolm

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:03 am

Zucchini is gross stuff. But acorn squash is the best! Cut in half, scoop out seeds, put brown sugar and a pat of butter inside. Bake for an hour -delicious!

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:37 am

You can have my share - please!

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:48 pm

LC wrote:: Zucchini is gross stuff. But acorn squash is the best! Cut in half, scoop out seeds, put brown sugar and a pat of butter inside. Bake for an hour -delicious!

Ever had zucchini bread? Yummy stuff!

Subject: Re: Salvation in Squash Fri Jul 03, 2009 6:21 am

LC - Yes, that's an excellent side dish.
Dick - I put your share in an envelope and mailed it to you.
Alice - I thought it was okay until somebody told me what as in it.

Malcolm

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