THE VALENTINE'S DAY WISEACRE

Valentine's Day is, simply Love Day. With the exception of your odd massacre, it's not about Valentine at all. Whoever he was. Some pussy-whipped Roman flit. It's all about Love. "Love" in the sense of "Having Somebody to Take You Out Somewhere Expensive and Give You Things".
Which would be a pretty simple transaction, except that our entire concept of Love and what it means has gotten cluttered up with all sort of sayings that people take as truth, leading to misunderstanding and the sort of homicides that misunderstandings justify. It's time to examine some of these seemingly benign maxims and weed our the facts from the foibles.

For openers, it's widely stated that All's Fair In Love And War. Not so. Let's examine this one in specific detail:

1. Poison Gas: unfair in both, although perfume is generally excepted
2. Lying about marital status: considered unfair in love, merely ineffective in war.
3. Surprise and sneak attacks: fair in both, though unsporting
4. Biochemical tactics: unfair in war/ widely advertised in love. Because warfare operates on the Geneva Convention, as opposed to the more conventional conventions of Paris. Or even conventions of Shriners.
5. Taking no prisoners: frowned on in war, merely cost effective in love
6. Two timing: unfair in love, OK in war, but difficult. The problems with having a war with two fronts has been discussed, but not as widely as difficulties with the beast with two backs.

It should be obvious at this point that these homilies are not always what they seem. Let's just cast a cold eye on other saws, mots, and chestnuts that confuse our inevitably confused approach to the other sex.

Love makes world go around . False. Love can make your world go wild. Or kablooey. But the rest of us will not be moved.

Love don't last, cooking do. True. Where are preservatives when you need them?

Love conquers all. False. Or there would be no soap operas. War doesn't conquer all either. That's the whole point. Half of it has to lose.

Love is blue. False. This notion probably comes from "Blue Movies". Otherwise who knows what they were thinking? Actually, love is pink inside.

All you need is love. False. It's like saying all you need is money. Or youth. Or looks. Or a ladder as tall as the well you fell into. Not a solution, in short.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. False. Actually, it's superior firepower that means never having to say you're sorry. You hear people in love saying how sorry they are all the time.

Love hurts. True. But not as bad as the lack of it. When you look down a calendar of American holidays and commemorations, Thanksgiving and Love Day really jump out as the least crazy reasons to celebrate.

Great one, Lin. I usually find something to disagree with, but not this time.

As Tina sang: "What's love got to do with it?". On a news show some time back, they said there were two St. Valentines. They were both killed on Feb. 14. I don't know if they died for love or money.