Medical embarrassments

Subject: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:18 pm

I recieved this in an email this morning, and thought I would share some humor with you. I found it funny, but if there are objections, I will delete it.

Embarrassing Medical Exams
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, ' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years--when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly,' he replied. 'I can't seem to get used to the taste.' I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry. Had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY !!!

8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:11 pm

Great ones, Zada. In the first one, what do you suppose the woman in the cab was thinking?
If people object to these, they are the ones that should be deleted - from the human race.
Medical embarrassments 973110

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:38 pm

OUTSTANDING!!!!!

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:03 pm

Zada those are great! Don't change a thing -- about them or you! Very Happy

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:01 pm

Oh Zada, I loved them. There I was all alone in the house, sitting at my desk, and laughing like a crazy woman.

Thanks. I needed that.

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:22 pm

Dear Brenda,
I love being all alone in my house, sitting at my desk (or not) and laughing like a crazy woman. My neighbors need that!

hahahahhaha.
Love,
Betty

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:36 pm

Hadn't thought of that, Betty. Thanks!

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 7:03 pm

You are all great. I needed to hear that there are those among us who laugh like crazy people just like I do!! (Alone or not!) Thank you for your comment Pam. I think I am too old to change, anyway.

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:27 pm

Super. I will pass them along.

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:32 am

Funny stuff. Hospitals are always full of funny stuff.

The patch one reminded me of this clown in Cabo San Lucas who managed to convince a nitwit Power Squadron type that he knew boats and could be trusted to bring his 60 foot yacht around the Cape for him.

The guy was basically just a hippie druggie/drunkie. He got lost and some other boats went out look for him.
He drunk up all the liquor on board, then discovered a very comprehensive first aid kit.
Scopalomine isn't just "truth serum", it has some other properties. One of which is that it controls seasickness. Another, lesser known quality is that it's a powerful hallucigen.
THe found the guy laying on the deck naked, sunburned deep red...except for the places covered by the over 60 scopalamine patches he put on his face and wherever else he could reach.

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:56 am

That's funny, lin. Those 'patches' have caused a few problems here and there, even the stop smoking ones. I guess the instructions either did not include take the old one off, or folks just don't read the instructions.

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sun Oct 19, 2008 8:04 am

Zada!

Thank you for sharing that ... I needed it after the the last couple of days I've had.

It is too funny! Abel loved it too and of course I had to send it on to my doctor brother and my mom.

You always manage to brighten this place! sunny

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Sun Oct 19, 2008 9:43 am

Thanks for uploading so many good laughs.

Malcolm

Subject: Re: Medical embarrassments Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:09 am

Thanks, Zada for the good laugh this morning!

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