Death

I'm all about not being a burden,  and am fine w/ a nursing home. The issue is, where are these great, affordable nursing homes that some of you are talking about? The relatively cheap ones (by that, I mean $3k/mo) that I've seen are not the serene places of great care some of you described. The caregivers are largely low paid, indifferent third worlders, and the residents' hearing aids, jewelry, and other sundries disappear. I'm referencing homes in Miami that my grandma and other relatives were in about a decade ago.

I've looked into homes in Albuquerque, where my parents live, and they cost about $6k/month. I am wondering what the homes described in this thread cost and who paid for them. Where I live, there are several decent homes mostly populated by elderly that were all chain-migrated when their kids immigrated here. Never worked one day here, but they're all living in those homes free, paid for by Medicaid. So unless you're very poor, seems that a great deal of money is needed.

The one where my mother stayed was in The Woodlands, just north of Houston, and was about 1/2 the price you're quoting at the time, which was the early to mid 1990's. It had several options including cottages for couples as well as eiher independent or assisted living apartments, a swimming pool, planned activities, sponsored clubs for a variety of interets, busses for daily shopping trips, etc.

The smaller personal care home we moved her to for the last few months was less expensive, but provided more intense care. It was in the area of NW Houston where my brother and I both lived.

1/22/2014

                  As I related in another story I had to live last year, I've seen home, trust me
            there are only two in town, horrible , their being sued for neglect of two patients.
            I have a friend who keeps nagging me to move into a senior housing, I was furious!
            I'm not old, I'm still young and vital. I believe what Abe said, when you love someone
            you take care of them till the end, you know their being taken care of properly, I do
            know it's very trying, heart wrenching, but deep inside they know you loved them and
            did your best till the very end, that's what I would want....

                                                              Joe

I wish you and Abe the best in having your needs fulfilled, Joe. And you are correct in saying that some places are not up up par when it comes to giving quality care. 

There is no single answer to this situation. In today's world, it isn't always feasible to care for our loved ones at home. Fortunately, there are quite a few options that are comfortable and trustworthy for those who choose that route, and it is a viable option for those whose situation precludes having one live at home.

LC My father-in-law went straight from a hospital to a home.  Medicare paid for a bit, then he paid until his assets were depleted.  Medicaid then kicked in.

Nursing homes: "Heaven's waiting rooms."

Would be cool if all seniors could be as entertaining as you "nursing home ninjas, Al.

How to best care for our loved ones as they age is never a simple choice, or an easy one. It is a complicated matter, and the decisions should be made based on what is best for everyone involved. A grown child who still has children at home, or a full time job, or a house that is not large enough or properly equipped needs to consider all of those circumstances, and make what is the most loving choicefor everyone. It isn't a matter of what is convenient. It is a matter of what is best for the loved one. Sometimes, especially in today's world, that means placement in a well-run facility which has the space, equipment, and knowledgeable staff.

I wish there were more affordable "group homes" with only a few residents sharing like Ann described. That would make old age less frightening.

dkchristi wrote:

I wish there were more affordable "group homes" with only a few residents sharing like Ann described.  That would make old age less frightening.

DK, here is a page from Google showing a search:

http://www.google.com/webhp?nord=1#nord=1&q=personal+care+homes+in+florida

This was posted on the web as a medical fact:



When a brain is damaged, the undamaged parts take over the job of the damaged parts. This could take some time. I would not give up that easy. As to those in a comma state seeing dead people they have known, I believe it is just the brain making an effort to fix things.



My belief on death are in line with scripture. “Asleep in the grave. Asleep in the grave awaiting the resurrection. Your thoughts do parish.”



I do not like the idea of death, but I do not fear it. Since there is no thought in death, a person is not concusses of time. Jesus said, “It is like walking threw a doorway.”



On the other side of the coin, if my belief is not correct, and there is no God as many believe, than this life has no value.

My neighbor and friend that prompted this thread, passed away at 5:30AM this morning.  I learned that he had a malignent tumor in his back and by the time it was detected, the cancer had spread and nothing could be done.  He was one of those people who didn't get an annual physical that may have revealed a problem.  He did have a Living Will and didn't want his life to be prolonged by artificial means. 

I fondly remember the trip we took together on his boat navigating the canals in France.  There is a network of canals that were built during war time to move materials.  Now it is used for recreation purposes.  We tied up at night when we found a nice cove and used the charcoal and grill we brought with us for our dinner.  It was a great time.  We slept on board.  The boat had six sleeping births.  He was an Architectural Engineer and continued work until his illness.  I will miss him.

So sorry for your loss, Abe .  Friends like that are irreplaceable.
.

Thanks Alice. 
I find it odd that when a person passes, we remember the good things about them.  Often when a person is alive, we see faults in them.  Too bad we can find the good in people while they are alive and let them know how we feel.

Dear Abe, I am sorry for the loss of your friend.  I hope he did not suffer long.  You are right about finding the good in people.  I think it is a choice you make for your self.  I know people who do not have anything to talk about unless it is just gossip.  I am blessed to live far enough away that I do not get many such visitors.  If they gossip about me, they have forgotten it by the time they see me and I do not hear it. people do not have enough to do...that may not be true.  People are too lazy to find joy in doing.  Often they consider everything a chore.  There are always thing that need done and joy to be found in the doing.  
Love,
Betty

Abe, thanks for sharing your fond memory of the friend who has left you in reality but remains in memory and spirit. I am sorry for you loss, friends are a treasure.

1/24/2014

                   Abe...

                            I'm so sorry about your friend , he sounds like a beautiful treasure. As we all
                  get older we wonder what will happen to us , me especially since I don't have anyone
                  no relatives , except a niece who's 46 and she keeps tabs on me, I told her I'm 
                  donating my body to science, so no one has to go through funerals, etc. My motto
                  the person isn't here anymore and they've gone on to a beautiful experience. As for
                  nursing homes, I don't believe in them, their blood sucking and don't give a dam about
                  the elderly just $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

                                                                           Joe

The Nursing Home owners are the problem, Joe.  The people who go there  lose everything, the workers toil for very little. The only profiteers are the owners.  Sad situation.

Some nursing homes are problematic, and need to be better regulate or shut down altogether.

Many more are reputable, caring services. It's one of those things one needs to be proactive about. Check the home out before you get involved with it.

For some families, a properly run nursing home or retirement center is the best answer for the elderly person who needs specialized care and knowledgeable caretakers.

Dying is no fun and rather costly.  Everyone does it sooner or later.

Abe,

I'm sorry this is late, but I'm so sorry for your loss.

God Bless

Yesterday on FB there was a test to determine at what age you would reach before you die.  I think Ann reported her age to be 92.  I took the test and I'm here to say there is now proof of "Life After Death".  My age at death was shown to be age 57.  So, I'm living proof of this spoof.
On the other hand the numbers may be turned around since I'm 75.  In which case I'm on borrowed time.

We are all glad you are still here, Abe.  As to that test, you must be thinking of someone else.  I've never taken it, and can't see myself doing so.  I've no interest in speculating how long or short my life might be.  I would rather take as much joy as I can in the present.

We are all on a clock of some design.  We may do our best to delay its ticking, but tick it will until our source claims back the soul it sent to this earth for a human experience.  In the meantime, we will live with our illusions whatever they are and muddle along with all the things we think we control and those we know we don't.  Best I can see is worry less, laugh more and love more.  Strip away everything else and its the human connections that really matter whether many or just a few.  They alter our beliefs our behavior and who we are as we progress through this life.  Those we love who leave this life leave their mark on us and memories to treasure for having known them rather than sadness for losing them.