Death

Self or Clinically induced death.
 
There are numerous stories about this subject and much controversy.
 
This subject is now being talked about on TV talk shows.  A famous Formula One Race Car driver, Michael Schumacher, is in a clinically induced coma after a Skiing accident where he fell and hit his head on a rock causing brain damage.  No one knows if he will recover, and if he does, whether he will be able to function normally.
Some people are kept alive for religious reasons even when the situation is hopeless.  This happened to a friend of mine whose mother was kept alive for over a year because she was Catholic and it was against their religion to pull the plug.  If I read my Bible correctly, Jesus chose to die on the Cross rather than save himself.  The reason doesn’t matter as much as the choice, IMV.  But, what happens when a person is not in a position to choose?  Is it up to the family to decide? 
People have been dying since time began when there were no hospitals or doctors to keep them alive.  Why not let the person die a natural death when it is determined that there is no hope for survival?  Having said that, I believe that loved ones don’t want to give up hope.  They often hope for a miracle, and miracles do happen.  I think there is a difference in thinking when it is about a young person –vs. - an old(er) person.  When one is in their 80’s or 90’s, I think they have lived a long life and preserving the body in a vegetable state is foolish.  Often these people are suffering even with pain medication.  We take our pets to the Vet, and when the Vet says that there is no hope, we allow the Vet to put the animal to sleep.  Why do we insist on keeping a person alive when they can no longer function or there is no hope?
 
At this moment, my neighbor, 77 years of age, has been transferred to a hospital that has Palliative Care facility.  http://www.getpalliativecare.org/whatis/
His wife said this morning that there is no hope.  Don’t know what happens next.
 
Then there is the financial burden.  Where I live, it is all covered by Insurance.  For others, the cost can be a financial disaster.  When a life is at stake, cost is seldom a consideration, however it is a concern when there is no hope for the patient and yet the costs continue to accrue.
 
What are your thoughts?

My thoughts are:

Don't  take life too seriously--No one gets out alive.

1/20/2014

                    Very interesting subject I've read about many times. I being there with my
                 friend one on one for four years, strokes turned into dementia, dementia was
                 turning into Alzheimers. Yes he was in two different care centers ( Homes) I
                 really didn't know what these were until I saw them up, close and personal
                 which emotionally tore me up, thats why I took care of him for those four years.
                 I heard a radio show a few days ago while driving discussing this same subject, a
                 nurse who worked in hospice care explained to him about people who are dying
                 see their departed loved ones, we'll the idiot guy kept saying what do you mean ?
                 She explained it again, I knew right away what she meant because I lived it with
                 my friend, he kept saying he saw ( All departed relatives,)  his aunt, his sister, his
                 father, I was at first spooked by this and would say where do you see them? Then 
                 I remember reading a book once I think it was called " Life After Life," Yes I do 
                 believe the person who is about to pass may see their relatives or friends weeks
                 before it happens, they come to help the person make the transition to the other
                 side, I know it's hard for many people to deal with people who are very ill, or if their
                 in a coma, they won't give up even when Dr.'s say the person is brain dead, I say let
                 them go, no human being I know wants to be a vegetable. I always remember Van
                 Bulow case she was in a coma for 25 years ! She just passed away I think 2 years 
                 ago. I say bless those who pass on and look at it their not suffering anymore...

                                                                      Joe

Mahy of these situations can be taken care of by a living will, where an idividual states what her or his preferences are in case of an illness or accident that leaves them on life support.  Properly writtten and filed, they should settle the problem, whether it is  coming from the doctors or the family members.

When I was last  hospitalized and undergoing tests, it was very straightforward and simple.  I was asked if  I wished to be resuscitated, I replied  "NO. If I am that far gone, let me go I don't want my ribs broken and my batteries to my brain transmission system messed up." 

They put a purple band on my arm with a Do  Not Resuscitate order.

This question was asked in the presence of my husband  and several doctors.

1/20/2014

                 Alice..

                        Good for you ! I have several documents..I even discuss it with my Dr.
                                                   
                                                             Joe

A couple of years ago when I had the surgery for the massive infection in my spine.  The doctor asked me about resuscitation, my answer was "You can resuscitate but, but no machines to keep me going."  My heart stopped in the intensive care and they had to sap me back, but I was breathing on my own when they did.  So for me it was a good choice.

 

Glad you are here, Don. 
 It was a very good choice.

Death is the end to life as we know it.  No one knows what comes after, if anything.  I have a living will.  I would not be dead yet still breathing with artificial means.  I have seen it.  The person who is dead yet breathing via machine is not there.  It should not be up to the family.  Everyone needs to put their wishes onto paper and file it and send it to everyone of their family.  There is no life without the brain.  
I do not want to live with just my brain alive, either.  That is not living.  
Love, 
Betty

How about this:  Make our wishes known then enjoy living.  We can still have fun so lets do it.

What Alice said.

I do that.  Alice is right.  The days one worries about their death are wasted days.  Live every day with as much love and life and energy that you can put out into the universe.  It all comes back to you and that is the wonder of life.
Love,
Betty

I love you guys!  

1/20/2014

                       I say enough with death, it comes sooner than one thinks, on with
                       life , love , helping others, loving other people, loving animals.

                                                       Joe

All I ask is that I be allowed to see it coming and experience it as it happens. It's the last thing I'll know, and I don't want to miss that ride.

We don't get to pick our death anymore than we chose our birth circumstances.

alj wrote:

I love you guys!  

We love you back!

Actually, countries like China are wrestling with an older generation without a younger one to care for them and the costs of getting older. In some ways, we do pick our death date by the way we live our lives. Some might say that we don't entirely choose our life's path and therefore I am wrong. People who live according to healthy food and thinking still die untimely deaths. Also, circumstances point us in directions we might not otherwise choose - such as stress and associated addictions.

However, if we are capable of choosing to avoid bad healthy habits and live according the wisdom that surrounds us, we may choose a better quality of life for the years we live.

My physician says if you have something you wish to do and are capable - do it. Life is uncertain.

Living life with dignity in old age is important.  Shoving old folks into homes for the elderly can be a serious blow.  They may feel abandoned and "unwanted". 
My daughter works in a home for the elderly and shares stories about older people: their wants, desires and feelings.  A large part of the care is "listening".  They have stories to tell.  Many of these stories relate to their childhood and their recall is good while short-term memory is difficult.

I would far prefer being shoved into a nursing home than to disrupt my children's life with stories of my childhood.  I have written the most favorable ones in a  book they can read if  they desire.

I agree, Alice. My mom lived with me for several years. It was fine so long as she was able to take care of her basic needs while I was at work. When I saw that she was losing her ability to do that, I shifted to the night school, and my sister-in-law would drop by to check on her while my nephew was at school. At the end of that time, she told my brother and me that she felt it was time for her to move into a "home.' We took her around to several in the area, and she picked the place she wanted. She had her own apartment and was able to move some of her favorite furniture items into it. The apartment had a call system; if she needed help, it was there very quickly. She lived there for almost a year, basically content, before the center notified us that they felt her condition was beginning to deteriourate. We agreed. At that point, we looked into and moved her into a personal care home. This was a large house, with several bedrooms, in a residential neighborhood. There were three other residents, all women around her age and condition, with 24 hour nursing care. Otherwise, they lived as a family- ate meals together, visited and watched TV in the den. or reitred to the privacy of their rooms. Several months later, she died there, and the staff took very good care of her, kept us informed, and called inher doctors when they were needed. We were free to visit whenever we wnated, and we did, regularly. She was not always happy to see us, as we interrupted her routine. She was very fond of the staff, interacted as she could with the other residents, and was as happy as she could be, given her mental and physical condition. We would not have been able to give her that attention at home. We all had to work, and the cost of full-time, qualified sitters would have been as costly as the home.

I would want something similar for myself, and there are several options here in this part of SA.

The day I am no longer capable of taking care of myself, is the day I want to pass on.  If I were to have the feeling that I am a burden to anyone, my life is already over. 
I know what happened to my grandfather.  When he was placed in a home, he died shortly thereafter.  When visiting him, one could see he was miserable.  Based on that experience, when my grandmother was not capable of caring for herself, my mother took care of her until her death.
My mother was cared for by my sister until her death. 
Knowing that your children want to care for you, just as you cared for them when they were young, is something to cherish.  I have such children.  Having said that, I still would want to pass on if/when I am no longer able to care for myself.

I understand your sentiments, Abe.

The thing is, we do not live in the same world that our grandparents did.

My grandmother looked after her father as long as she was capable of doing so.  As she and my grandfather got older, their children convinced them to leave the farm and move closer to the town (my home town) where most of the children lived.  That meant moving my great-grandfather into a nursing home.  I must say that he was as happy there as he had been living with his daughter and son-in-law.  He was, as far back as I can remember him, a good, kind man - softspoken, with a wry sense of humor.

After moving into the nursing home, he began living in his own reality.  He adapted by spending much of his time in the past.  He generally recgnized us when we visited, but would relate stories about his life which were clearly set in his past.  He was content to live out his last days that way.

His daughter was much the same when her children decided that the nursing home was the only viable solution.  She, too, slipped into her own world.  I wrote a poem about it, which is posted in the poetry section here.

It is our children who will have to make those decisions for us.   They need to be free to make those decisions based on what is best for everyone, based on the individual circumstances.

Both my grandmother and her father were people whom I admired greatly, and whose outlook on life - and death - have shaped my own.  That positive influence continued into their last days and included the attitudes toward living that they carrried into their deaths.  They lived their last years in nursing homes.  They were visited often, and their caretakers thought highly of them, and took pleasure in looking after them, because of the positive attitudes they still carried.

It still comes down to who we are and how we choose to perceive life.  The circumstances vary based on circumstances and need.

Abe F. March wrote:

The day I am no longer capable of taking care of myself, is the day I want to pass on.  If I were to have the feeling that I am a burden to anyone, my life is already over. 
I know what happened to my grandfather.  When he was placed in a home, he died shortly thereafter.  When visiting him, one could see he was miserable.  Based on that experience, when my grandmother was not capable of caring for herself, my mother took care of her until her death.
My mother was cared for by my sister until her death. 
Knowing that your children want to care for you, just as you cared for them when they were young, is something to cherish.  I have such children.  Having said that, I still would want to pass on if/when I am no longer able to care for myself.

Abe, Your wish is noble and shared by most folks.  Unfortunately the timing does not always coincide.  My father-in-law was healthy and able until nearly 80 when he suffered a catastrophic stroke.
He was taken care of by his wife until she was unable to care for him and he spent several years in a nursing home. He was content and happy always.

One of the hardest things for us to do, especially as we get older, is to let go of being in control. thing is, when it comes right down to it, control is an illusion. We never really have it. Recognizing the truth of that and accepting it, helps us, in the long run, to let go of worrying about these things, staying in the present moment, and enjoying the moments that we have in front of us. That's the best we can do.