Funeral

Beerdigung (Funeral) today for a member of our choir, Eric Hafner, 72 years of age. He was a Winzer (wine grower). His specialty was Schnapps. The last time I saw him was when I visited him and we sat in his wine Stube and he insisted that I sample a number of his Schnapps. Don’t remember much after that, but I did take some home. He was working in his vineyards when he fell ill, went home and was found sitting in his Stube, dead of a brain hemorage.

It seemed that most of the townspeople showed up for the funeral. There were approx. 800 to 1000 people there. It was so crowded that our choir had a tough time finding a place to stand in that the sign that said, “Reserved for Choir” was ignored. It was very cold standing outside the small chapel. Then the sound system wasn’t working properly and kept cutting off so that those standing outside couldn’t hear the proceedings. In addition to the Priest, words were spoken by our Bürgermeister, (Mayor) our Choir Vorstand (Choir Head of Board) and the Vorstand for the local Winzergenossenshaft (Wine growers cooperative).

When I got home, I sat by the wood stove to warm up. Finally I’m warm again.

Our choir is diminishing in size. It is felt that our Spring concert this year may be the last. Sad that it too will die.

The emotional impact of your post is major, in many ways. Losses seem to be one of the prices of aging. Sure, when we are young we experience the death of loved ones and friends. It's just that death itself seems far away anyway. As we get closer to our own unknown, our age group begins their transition. If we live long enough, we become the counted, the few who have outlived so many who were loved and revered in our own lives. My mom is 93 and her her last friend passed a year ago - and that was a childhood friend with whom she corresponded only. It was devastating to Mom. Her brothers and sisters are gone; her last friend is gone.

I guess these are the times that having a religious faith is a comfort for many. A faith in the hereafter provides a sort of promise that your choir friends, Abe, will be singing in heaven.

I wish you comfort in your time of loss.

Thank you, Diane.

Dear Abe,

You post is profound. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. I have never been to a funeral that so many people attended. He must have left many Golden Footprints (like Carol Troestler) to have been loved so well.

Love,

Betty

Thanks Betty. Yes he was. He has two sons and a daughter. His sons were working with him in the vineyard and sent him home when he wasn't feeling well. Thy had no idea that it was so serious. His business will continue with his sons.
His wine business has a good reputation and he was well-loved and will be remembered. I remember him as always having a smile on his face. Never saw him frown. Just a very good person.

Yes, he clearly lived a life to be remembered by those he left behind.

I am reminded of my own father. I had decided that I would not attend his "final viewing." the name itself still seems a little ghoulish. I had mostly wanted a few moments alone in the home where I grew up with him, to do my own grieving, but the strangeness of my wish created such a stir with my mother and brother that I was convinced by some relatives to go along. Word got out, and I was greeted at the door of the funeral parlor by one of his closest friends, who gave me a kiss on my cheek, put his arm around my shoulder, and walked me to the casket. There were so many flowers that they had moved him from a viewing room into their main sanctuary. The arrangements that I mentioned in my Joy post a day or so ago re wakes - the floral champagne glasses proclaiming a Bon Voyage, were the first things I saw (one of them sent by this same friend). I realized how many people had loved him and were there to say goodby, and how they moved aside so that we could have a bit of time alone, just me, Dad, and his friend, that I realized how important that last moment was for so many of those who loved him almost as much as I.

We had a grand wake after, and the next morning, as his casket lay at the front of the Presbyterian Church sanctuary, where we spent so many Sundays together as a family, there were so many people that they had to set up chairs in the parlor, with a PA system for the overflow - I did just fine until the pastor said that God was saying, "Well done, my good and faithful servant," and then I totally lost it, but it was a good thing. I'm losing it again right now, just remembering, and that's good, too.

Funerals are not for the friend who has gone, they are for those left behind, to remember and honor the one who has merely moved on to the next level of life, just a bit ahead of us.

Ann, you have the words that express my own thoughts.

Love,

Betty

I have made a point of avoiding funerals if possible. It's been my choice to remember a life, not a repose in death surrounded by people and flowers. When I pass, I wish to be cremated, someone spread my ashes somewhere in the Everglades, maybe put a brick in the walk at church and say a transition prayer during the regular service. May those who wish to share memories gather of their own volition at a time of their own choosing.

Obviously, I also respect all those who have far different views and honor their beliefs.

Diane,

I do not much believe in grief. I think that when you die, the people who gave a whoot about you are astounded that you are gone, they wrap themselves in the memories of what you have been to them and their own fear of death and after a few days, go on about their lives. It is a nessessary process. I would not have it otherwise when I go.

As much as we feel concrete beings on this earth, we are contrarwise(sp)... vapor with form and brain for a small time of eternity.

I am tired this night.

Love,

Betty

A friend of mine recently told a story about ownership. We think we own things. We come into this world naked and leave it naked. Therefore, instead of concentrating on what earthly goods we can accumulate, we should instead concentrate on spiritual capital.

While those we love may have accumulated wealth and power, it is their spirit and their generosity for which we remember them.

Just saw this , Abe. I am sorry for your loss.