Is there a need to prove?

The need to impress
The need to prove
The need for recognition

Why is it that so many of us, at one time in our lives, felt the need for recognition and/or for the need to impress others?

We are often asked to prove ourselves, over and over again. If we accomplish something great, like in sales, it becomes part of our resume. On one hand it is supposed to show that you have what it takes to succeed. On the other hand, some view it as something of the past and that it holds no meaning for the current job or for the future. You are hired on a probation basis to “prove” yourself.

In sports, one can accomplish feats that create records. They are good until the record is broken. We seek recognition with medals and certificates. Does it have any bearing on what one can do today?

I have reached the point where I don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I know my capabilities and weaknesses. I dislike self-promotion and just want to be me, to enjoy my life the way I want to live it, where I want to live it and with whom. I don’t feel the need for approval of my actions. Either one accepts me as I am, with my faults, real or perceived, or not at all.

The Olympics prompted this writing. My son found a website that affords anyone the opportunity to win medals and the location to be tested. It is divided into age groups and indicates what one needs to do to achieve Gold, Silver or Bronze medals. Running, Swimming Shot put, etc. He said, “Dad, you can do this and win Gold.” My response was, “Why?” Why would I want to do it? What does it prove? Knowing me, I would over-extend myself and it would be a hazard to my health. For what? I reflected on my past and the things I did to “prove” my capabilities. I view self-promotion in a similar vein: “Look what I did!”
If what I do is necessary to make a living, then I can see the merit of doing whatever it takes. I don’t feel the need to do it for self-gratification. I know what I can and cannot do. If I can write something that will benefit others, i.e., provide them with some enjoyment, entertainment or knowledge, then that is worthwhile. Sharing ones life experiences can be beneficial or detrimental.

Do you feel the need to prove?

Ah, Abe, such a complicated subject. It has so many pieces from birth order, to talent, to self-esteem, to spouses, to children....just so many pieces.

One advantage of age is the wisdom that at last the need to prove oneself is no longer relevant. We are usually where we are. Period.

Yet, in today's youth culture, when is that age wisdom date? I am still proving that I can write to an editor who is in her 20's and is proving she deserves to be editor - you can see that little cauldron boiling....

My son tells me I am worthless, that my entire career amounted to nothing because I did not accumulate wealth. Wealth is the measure of man or woman in his current age point of view.

My next door neighbor brought me flowers from her puppy, Satcha, that I wrote about in the Southwest Spotlight (Wooffer's twin) - I don't have to prove anything to Satcha - she just likes me.

It's one of the things I like about retirement - so much less of "a need to prove."

It's a fact of life:

So, what have you done to earn a grade for this class?
So, why should I hire you?
So, why is your report more accurate?
So, why should we increase your salary?

Only, in retirement, I get to be a writer, and the need to prove continues...

So, why should I pay to read your work?

Is there a difference between the need to prove and the need for approval? I think perhaps there is. There is a different stance taken by the "needor,"( the one who needs) which requires a different approach to the "needee"(the one who accepts or rejects the work of the needor).

We cannot get clear of the need to prove, but we can of the need for approval. The latter implies an insecurity on the part of the needor. The former works best when it comes from a position of security and a sound belief in your statement, "I have what you need."

Which gets back to another advantage of being "retired." You have spent much of your life proving that you are capable of filling a need. As a retiree who simply wants to continue to have a purpose, it finally becomes something closer to the concept of, "find a need and fill it."

And, by this point, numbers don't really matter. Numbers are a part of "proving." They have little to do with self-approval.

You should pay, or not, to read my work because it speaks to you - and you alone - and tells you something about your secrets - the secrets that you need to hear in order to fulfill your own purpose, which you know in your soul to be a valid purpose, whether the rest of the world approves or not.

The main point? It doesn't matter how many "approve" of what you do. it only matters that you are following your own bliss as you do it.

Ann

We should only need our own approval, others have their own agendas that don't necessarily coincide with ours.
True friends accept us as we are.

D.K. I agree that it is a difficult subject and your views are sound. I also like Ann's remarks and especially "following your own bliss". As Alice said, "we should only need our own approval".

As Ann said, retirement has many advantages. The need to prove is gone. I think we all appreciate recognition for our accomplishments, but don't demand it. It is difficult when one is subjected to inexperienced persons who are trying to prove themselves at our expense, as expressed by D.K. In my hey-day, money was the measure of success. What kind of car do you drive? Where do you live? Do you wear the latest fashion? Then I met very successful people who didn't give a shit about what people thought. One man in particular, a multi-millionaire, wore old-fashioned suits. He said that no one in New York or Paris would tell him what to wear. He also drove an old car and I once noticed that he had a hole in the bottom of his shoe. The "would-be" successful, drove cars they couldn't afford, lived in homes that were over their heads and dressed in the latest fashion. They were always on the brink of ruin should anything rattle their cage. When you have it, you don't need to flaunt it.
Anyway, just my opinion.