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 Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?

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alice
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PostSubject: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 8:22 am

If a couple is of age, should parents interfere in their marriage plans?

What do you think?


Last edited by alice on Sun Jul 31, 2011 12:01 pm; edited 1 time in total
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joefrank
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 8:51 am

7/31/2011


Alice..

It's none of their business....Many families have split
because people put their noses where it didn't belong !
The kids would learn sooner or later if their right for each
other...


Cheers..Joe.. Very Happy
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LC
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 9:00 am

Depends -are the parents paying for anything?
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 10:14 am

By marriage plans do you mean ceremonial or the relationship itself? Cultures vary so much that they play a big part in these questions.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 11:04 am

dkchristi wrote:
By marriage plans do you mean ceremonial or the relationship itself? Cultures vary so much that they play a big part in these questions.
I think that's the key question. If ceremonial, the party paying should have some say. There may be budget considerations.
If the question has to do with the selection of a partner, that would be an interesting discussion.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 11:50 am

The timing of the wedding.
My parents wanted me to graduate from college before I got married.
That would have been a three year delay.

They were paying.
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alj
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 11:57 am

Different cultures - my family were eager for Bill and me to marry quickly so they wouldn't have to pay for me to finish college. Why bother, since the only reason the were sending me was to find a husband who could support the lifestyle I had grown up in. Ah, well, that would have meant that our three children might never have been born, since I doubt that we would have married if we had waited.

I think our lives are directed, and we come here with a predetermined purpose, and many of the events in our lives are designed to bring it all about.

It looks like you and Dave got together, however it came about. You guys were clearly meant to be.

Ann
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 12:04 pm

Thank you, Ann.
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Al Stevens
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 2:31 pm

The first time we got married, we eloped, so there was no interference nor any opportunity for it. The second time, 30 years later, they happily came to the wedding. I paid both times. The first time was cheaper.



I rarely do anything the conventional way.
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Shelagh
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 2:52 pm

"I rarely do anything the conventional way."

I never would have guessed that.

_________________
Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 41ZdcL0lV7L._SL125_ Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 41C9GeFDNWL._SL125_ Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 41%2BmGkZJdOL._SL125_ Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 51eDGllZXhL._SL125_ Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 41y7VHKoszL._SL125_ Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? 51Zs4N4T4eL._SL125_
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 3:10 pm

No one ever advised me. We eloped; we knew each other for two years of an on-again/off-again friendship/relationship. I was in Washington, D. C on my political internship feeling quite important and poised for my great future in politics; and he arrived in his uniform after being drafted for dropping some college credits and we were married. The rest of our marriage was building his career because he was most likely to make the big bucks. I dabbled in whatever work was available while I helped him move up the corporate ladder. We were a great team. If it were not for the Viet Nam War, we would not have married. We had an amazing life and a wonderful child.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 3:40 pm

DK,

It was meant to be. You have your son.


Al, How do you think of it all?



I at least learned something from my folks. Our daughter wished to marry we allowed her to decide when and where. We paid for the wedding and we also paid for two Master's Degree's afterwards.

Our son wished to marry halfway though college , we continued our support of him.

He did better in college after marriage than before.

I think it is best to let the kids decide.

I had a friend who told her son when he married, he was on his own. I said, Don't you want him to graduate? '"

She said she would pay him when he graduated.

He didn't make it--had a nervous breakdown and divorced to boot.


Last edited by alice on Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:56 am; edited 2 times in total
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptySun Jul 31, 2011 10:02 pm

I was engaged when I left for an overseas assignment while in the USAF. The engagement ring was returned to me by post. I didn't know it was my girlfriend's parents that sent the ring and that she was not receiving my letters.
I found someone else and got married before I returned to the States with my bride. What a surprise to my parents when they were introduced to their daugher-in-law.
It was not an easy road for either of us. I discovered that my fiancee had waited for me, but I was already married. My wife was considered an "unbeliever" and didn't fit in. I was even encouraged to get a divorce. My former fiancee was a nurse at the hospital where my son was born and saw my child. She also peeked into the room to see the woman that took her place.

I've often thought of the lyrics to the song, "MY WAY" and the verse, "Regrets, I've had a few; But then again, too few to mention.

I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption..."

I left my hometown in Pennsylvania and moved with my new family to Chicago taking a job with IBM. I made my choice, and it was my life to live without interference.
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 5:09 am

That's a great song. As I often tell a friend of mine, the only reality is the present. It's what we do with this moment that really counts. Todays well lived make yesterday's memories and tomorrrow's hopes and dreams.

We make the best choices in the circumstances of the present. Just a few minutes later, the choice may not seem as wise; but we are wiser. Therefore, regrets are wasted.

Every turn in life leaves another direction that was not followed. I once had regrets that I didn't follow my own career muse; but truth be told, I was always a little timid and preferred to walk in the shadow of someone I respected.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 7:52 am

Abe,



That is an incredibly sad situation. Your wife must not have been pleased either.

Your prospective in-laws in the first case would have been absolutely intolerable.
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Al Stevens
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 8:39 am

If I would not have run a red light, I would not have met Judy. Crime pays.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 8:49 am

Al Stevens wrote:
If I would not have run a red light, I would not have met Judy. Crime pays.





How so?
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 8:55 am

We seem to think that love comes in one, exploding, passionate experience. Love is all around all the time. It comes and goes and strengthens and weakens - and much about enduring love is a matter of choice while young love is a matter of youth and fantasy.

Many of us did not marry the "love of our life" as stories of youth unfold; yet the marriage partners we chose or who chose us provided just what we needed at that time in our life's path - and maybe forever.

Lost loves become nearly mystical in the memories, a ghost of perfection, tied in with other hopes and dreams that passed us by. The reality is that in this moment, ghosts are all that's there. The substance of their lives have forever changed just as we are forever changed by our own experience. Ask anyone who has attended a high school reunion thirty or more years past that magical time in memory. Who are all those old people, we ask. Then we look at the group picture and see one more person that we barely recognize who fits right in.

When our memories, mystical and magical, bring us joy; then we should revel in them for what they are. If they make us melancholy and bring us down, then we should dismiss them as unwelcome ghosts and enjoy the moment instead
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 9:03 am

I do think some marriages are ill-considered and ill-advised. My mother-in-law married for the wrong reasons. She is a rescuer and a do-gooder, a very good person, but, not good when marrying. We wish she had a spouse, but realize that after two flops and a failed romance she would give it up.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 12:08 pm

I agree with Diane.
My marriage has lasted 50 years. It was not all romance. I think a good marriage is a bonding.

Even married people have fantasies. To find that perfect mate means that one is most likely still searching while missing out on life. It's much like trying to find the perfect job.
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JoElle
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 12:10 pm

My mother in law to be didn't like me.
My mom didn't like my husband to be.
But they didn't interfere.

I was 18.
He had just turned 22.
We'd known each other less than six months.

We had a simple ceremony that didn't cost either of our parents a nickel.

My mother in law ended up loving me and my mom loves my hubby.
We just had our 28 anniversary.

I've always liked the young women my son brought home. And now I love my daughter in law.

I think it smartest to trust that you've raised your kids to make good choices. And if they don't, to learn from their mistakes. And be there when they need your support.

You can not live their lives for them.

Just love them.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 5:01 pm

Jo Elle,



Very good advice.



I can't imagine your mother -in-law not adorring you from day one. Glad she came to her senses though.
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alj
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 5:41 pm

These ones all done good:

Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? Lynnchris
My Lynn and her Chris

Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? Jimmysue
Susan's Jimmy and my Susan

Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? Davelynjayc
My Dave with his Lyn and their Jaycie

Ann
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyMon Aug 01, 2011 8:01 pm

They all are happy and healthy and beautiful. They are lucky to have you and each other. '



I hope an older Crowe finds you soon. Woudln't that be fun?
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans?   Should Parents Interfere in Marriage Plans? EmptyTue Aug 02, 2011 5:11 am

I know I've mentioned it before; my stepmother found her true love in her 90's. They only had a few years together, but it was all she dreamed it would be. Love came late, but perfect.
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