Avatars

Then there's the example set for me. My mother is 91. There is nothing she can't do that she did before except maybe run up the basement stairs (which my brother and I have forbidden her) to answer the phone. I put a phone in the basement.

She still shovels the drive when it's not buried. She does all her own shopping and drives quite well. She does all her own cooking and cleaning. I would say she is much like a woman in her 60's by looks, dress, and behaviors. We have stopped her from mowing the lawn; but she does the weeding and whacking and trimming.

Then there's the ageless lady at church who must be pushing 100, elegantly dressed each Sunday, drives to church in her Lincoln and does the inspirational reading with drama.

Well, DK,

Now you will have to do better than that!
You have a long ways to go.

I wish my mom could be like that. She and my dad are in their late 70's. She is terrified of my dad "going" first, leaving her alone, and that fear is killing her. She stopped eating much, and whines and wails all the time. A few weeks ago she had a heart attack. Which she brought on herself with all the stress of worrying, of course. She survived it very well; two days later she had a stroke (which she also brought on herself, IMO). That did more damage than the heart attack. She actually isn't that bad off physically, much better than most stroke victims. She can move around and talk, even if she has to grasp for the words sometimes. But mentally she's just a big mess. She's depressed beyond belief, just sleeps all the time, no interest in anything. I don't know why she has to be like this. I just don't get it.

We can't live our lives for them, LC My Mom started doing the same things after she reached 70. Dad had been gone for 5 years, and she said to me once that she was tired of coping. She didn't want to have to cope anymore. That's when she decided to die. She would tell us ahead of time. "Lucas had the flu while he was here. Now I'll get it." She did. "I have arthritis. It's probably rheumatoid." It was. "People my age fall a lot and break their hips." Guess what?

Everyone is different, and we each have different ways to deal with aging parents. All I can say, is, don't feel guilty about the choices you make. Figure out what is best for everybody involved, including yourself. You have that right. Then let it go and act on whatever seems right to you.

Ann

Thanks, Ann. You're right, of course. It's just hard to see that when you're in the middle of it. I've told them that they should move here and I'll help them move. It's my dad who's most stubborn about it. He wants to stay where he is; he doesn't seem to acknowledge that he can't continue doing everything himself.

Are you all trying to frightgen we folk who are in our seventies? I’m inspired by the old folk in the village where I live. Thy refer to me as the Junge (the young one). They are thankful for the blessing they have. They speak of the hardships of their youth, surviving the war years with the struggle to survive and rebuild. They are always thankful about something in their conversations. I find that positive. They have no worries about healthcare services. That is a big factor as to why I live where I do.

The old lady who lives three doors from me turned 99 last month. I saw her out in the garden yesterday getting things ready for spring. My neighbor across the street, a year younger than me, had a stroke this week while working in the vineyard. He’s a member of our men’s choir. I plan to visit him this week in the hospital. My friend, Hermann Frech, will turn 83 this year. I’m writing his story about his induction into the military at age 15. He told me yesterday that he wants to start our weekly walks. He decides on the route we’ll take, and at the end of the hike (usually about 6 Kilometers) he selects a destination where we will have coffee and cake and/or a glass of wine. While we walk, he gives a history lesson of the area. He is the town historian and formerly a school teacher and principal. I feel so fortunate to know these people. No matter how tough I thought I had it when I was a kid, it dims in comparison to what others experienced.

So, at 72, I’m considered young. That means within the next 20 years, I can still accomplish much and realize new dreams. When my time is up, it will be up. I will have lived a life that’s full. I trust that what I do will be of benefit to someone.

I am thankful for my friends on this forum.
You have given me much.

I'm not trying to frighten anyone, I'm just kind of discouraged by what I see in my own life. I don't know a lot of active, vibrant elderly people (actually, I don't think I know any). Dick Stodghill impressed me so much because of how busy and sharp he remained at his age. But I think he was very rare.

3/5/2011

Abe..

I want to live in your town, I've always felt older people had
history to tell. My step-father's grandmother in 1962 was over 100 and
she would tell me stories of the Civil War and show me the currency she
had from the era, as a young kid I was entranced by it.
In my compound there's a neighbor down the hall, Stuart, one day two
years ago I saw him load skies onto his car and I thought oh my God
he skies, me never, fear of heights. This gentleman also plays golf, he
does his own laundry, drives his car and shops, this past summer he
went to Spain for two months to see his daughter. He's 95 !
I also knew a lady here who was 92 , just as active, she asked her
daughter to give her some help, her daughters answer was I have no
time, I can't help you and my husband ( evidently her husband was ill)
When she told me the story and she would go to a nursing home I felt
so bad for her because she was so active , I even saw her shovel her
car out from a snow storm, I miss her. I know someone else who I used
to volunteer with at the hospital here, she's a rip, always hitting on the
young orderlies , I told her Bee their too young for you, her answer:
" Their too dam old for me !" She's 95 , I love her spunk !

Cheers..Joe

the goblin came clean, saying "...thanks for hiding your photos then, for now I can go back to seeing you from what you write, unhampered by how you look that is, which you'll agree is beyond your control, can't be proved, and has nothing to do with here anyway...", in fact, the goblin thought the book idea for the avatar was perfect, and suggested using the same username and avatar for each forum across forumland as a uniform and acceptable plug of product so to speak, saying "...my mother, in her heyday, had both fame and fortune from both writing and illustrating, yet she didn't grasp the ideas of remaining mentally active and socially engaged, so the years passed and the rest you know..."

Joe,
I'm sure you would like it here. People care about one another and lend a helping hand. I feel at home and safe.

3/5/2011

Two weeks ago I lost a friend in NYC, I knew her for
42 years, she was 97 ! She was short and Irish- Scotch
I remember when she was in her 80's ( We lived in the same
apt. bldg in NYC ) a guy came one day saying he was from
AT&T , he showed her a badge. She let him in and he checked
her phone lines, when he went into her bedroom she saw from
the hall he went over to the dresser and picked up several rings
( one I gave her for her birthday that year,) he headed for the
door and ran, she chased him down three flights of stairs into
the street, he got away. When I came down that night to see
her she was hinting she had something to tell me, I said tell me.
When she finished I told her she could have been murdered, her
answer to me was: " I could've handled him, he was shorter than
me." I doubted that because she was 4.8 tall.....Oh yes I replaced
her ring that was stolen...


Cheers..Joe

alice wrote:

Abe,

Thanks! I know where your website is and even know what you look like. It was JoElle's I was inquiring about.

Hi Alice,

At the end of this message (or any message I post) there are little buttons at the bottom beneath the signature line. One of them is marked [www] if you click on that it takes you to my website.

Or to make things easier, it is here: http://www.dreamersforest.com

JoElle,
I know what you look like and like what I see. You have always referenced your website where your profile is shown.

Doesn't the reader want to know about the author? I don't understand how one can promote themselves and their work, yet stay hidden from view.

My reference had more to do with communication. Getting to know a person helps with a visual.

JoElle,


Thanks! Stupid me! I was looking at your signature.

"...I suspect that most people don't know how the writer looks like either, but what they are meeting here is the written word of the writer now..." mentioned the goblin, adding "...besides, how one looks is often the wrong way to judge someone anyway, individual choice I guess, but I will never reveal myself to you, simply I am mere words in posts perhaps but I am the picture of dorian gray by it..."

Sometimes photos don't tell the whole story. When I was younger, I often resented being judged by my appearance. I didn't understand why "brain" and "blonde" were seen as contradictions. Still don't, honestly.

Ann

Ann,

You look great-- then and now. The bonde jokes are just that --jokes. My daughter-iin-law is blonde and very smart, also.

Your hair is spectacular.

It's better today, Alice, but it was a real thing, getting people, especially male people, to take you seriously. I may leave this thing up for a while, just for the heck of it.

Ann

We have all changed. Our conception of beauty has changed with our changes. What has happened to me is that I accept the beauty within as tangible and looking out of beautiful eyes having nothing to do with our skins but more with spirit and brain.

My grands would not agree because their life is all about the exterior presentation. I guess it has always been that way between the sexes.

Love,
Betty

Ann,

How old were you?

Um, it was '69. Lynn was two and Susan a baby, and David hadn't quite been thought of yet. I guess I was 26ish.

Ann

In reality, my appearance has had many phases. I had what I call "good years" and "bad years." The "good years" were as follows: age 17; age 21; age 35; age 48; age 55; age 61. Around each of those ages was a period of time when I felt exuberant with life, glowed with hope and promise, and had no regrets. In between were times of trauma and hardship, regrets and doubts. My countenance and bearing hide nothing. I am a walking book. Poker is not my game. If I can find them, I'll post a few pictures to the album here that take in some of those ages.

Abe F. March wrote:

JoElle,
I know what you look like and like what I see. You have always referenced your website where your profile is shown.

Doesn't the reader want to know about the author? I don't understand how one can promote themselves and their work, yet stay hidden from view.

My reference had more to do with communication. Getting to know a person helps with a visual.

I had my real self as my avatar here for awhile.
Maybe if we had readers here too I might use it.
I think most of you have seen the real me.
To me most forums are for friendly chat, helpful exchanges of info, and sharing experiences, so I like to use fun avatars that represent the way I see things.
And that would be someone fey.

My readers have my photo and website info on the backcover of my books.
My photo and bio is on my website, Amazon author site, and Facebook.

I went through phases, too:

Thin and ugly.

Less thin and still ugly.

Pudgy and still ugly.

Fat and omg look how ugly I am! Then again, don't.