A PAGE FROM MY NEW MURDER MYSTERY

12/31/2009

A page from my new murder mystery 2010...

Chapter 3 Page 19

Everyone heard the clanking sound of the wheels of the gurney as the attendants brought it down the stairs. All eyes shifted towards the doorway to the great hall, they could see the gurney with Jane's body go by. Then the closing sound of the front door, it was spooky and sad at the same time.

Aunt Clara was standing at the large window staring out at Jane's beautiful garden , flowers of every color. Jenny came up from behind to whisper in her ear. " Let's take a walk in the garden and get some fresh air." Aunt Clara nodded her head yes. She and Jenny walked arm in arm towards the great hall and out the front door. As they strolled along the garden path Aunt Clara bent over a rose bush and broke off a delicate pink rose and smelled it. " This is one of the roses Jane created, she called it Sinclair after her husband when he died, what a beautiful thought. Jenny do you think we can go home after the funeral?" Jenny sat down on a stone bench , she motioned for Aunt Clara to sit next to her. " First we have to attend Jane's funeral, then we'll leave, okay." Aunt Clara shook her head yes. She sat staring at the delicate pink rose, tears streaming down her cheeks. Jenny leaned over and put her arms around her shoulders. " That's it, let it all out." Slowly they got up and walked towards the house, the rose Aunt Clara was carrying was loosing it's petals to the ground, it was creating a trail of tears.....

Cheers....Joe....

12/31/2009


Future pages will be available to wet your
appetiate for greed, murder and a shocking
conclusion....Look for it...


Cheers..Joe..

12/31/2009

Domenic..

Are you pointing out a mistake ? Or
are you saying you like the page ?


Cheers..Joe

It was a correction, and I like the story. I would suggest you take out all the words that do not help the story...keep it tight. I put in a little *example part just to show how it can be made tight. I would stay away from words like spooky.

Everyone heard the clanking sound of the wheels of the gurney as the attendants brought it down the stairs. All eyes shifted towards the doorway to the great hall, they could see the gruney with Jane's body go by. Then the closing sound of the front door, it was spooky and sad at the same time.

*The gurney clunked from step to step. Janes body slipped, reveiling a gray foot. All turned away as the body passed.

Domenic

12/31/2009

Domenic..

Happy New Year... I like that...

Thanks...Cheers...Joe