Human Tragedy

When I started my part-time job as grounds keeper at the Sports Center, I noticed a man sitting in a red VW Polo. He was always there watching me work. At first I thought he was spying on me, perhaps checking my work and reporting it to someone. I inquired and was told that was not the case.

He had his daily routine. He would take his morning drive and then sit in his car at the Sports Center parking lot even when there was no one there. He lived in a small room at the back of a small courtyard. At one time he owned the place but passed the title to his brother who sold it. He took one small room, tiny kitchen and toilet at the side of the house on the first
floor as a place to live. Across the street from his home flows a small stream. I would often see him standing by the railing overlooking the stream, perhaps daydreaming or just killing time. He was always alone. He attended all the fussball (soccer) games and would sit in his car or stand on the sidelines during team practice. Whenever I saw him, I nodded and he returned the nod. He was a loner - a nobody.

This past Sunday he was at the fussball game. Yesterday the church bells were ringing indicating that someone had died. I inquired and was told that Heinz was dead. He hung himself.

He was born in this village and was retired. He never married and had one living sister who has terminal cancer. He was once a star fussball player for the local team and loved the sport. I was saddened that I never took the time to get to know him or engage him in conversation. I will miss that shiny red car sitting in the parking lot observing my activities at the Sports
Center. He was obviously lonesome and most likely thought there was no reason to live. He was 72 years old.

It’s too late to make amends but it is a wakeup call. I can’t imagine living alone with no one to care or to confide in. Take the time to talk with someone you don’t know. They may be lonely and need to feel that someone cares.

Abe,

Very sad.

You nodded to him--probably more than others did.
Don't blame yourself.

The road runs both ways.
Suicide always throws guilt on others. It is a hurtful act.

What a sad story, Abe! There is a lesson there to be learned for all of us. Thanks for the reminder.

Abe,
This is quite a story, but a terribly sad one. I believe people should always find companionship through friendship, love and marriage in life. The ones that don't, deserve our care and affection.

I find it unnatural behavior for anybody to be a complete loner - especially going into late age. But I also know that human existence, behavior and psychological balance follows the normal distribution of statistical probability. And we can't always choose whether to be alone or with loving companions.

In other words, 95% of us will be somewhere in the "normal" bracket, with 5% of us on either extremes as a law of nature...this is why there will never be such thing as a perfect life or a perfect society.

It's natural to be unnatural - only 5% of the time .

We do make choices , however.

Abe tried to reach out to him. I don't know how far to go with people.

Some people like to be miserable. When they kill themselves, they leave others in an awful state of guilt.

Guilty of what--Abe did not run his life. Abe did not stop him from marrying, from having friends.
He chose his life and death.

I am in a quandry. A Brain job patient always lets me call her. She is often down in the dumps. How do I pull her out without allowing her to pull me in?

Listen with half an ear.

... your deaf one.

I must admit I get down in the dumps, even angry at times for having a life-threatening illness. I try to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with this extra life I've been given. Dumps are bad places to be. Sometimes one just has to do things. I've been "doing" too much and am now just "being." It is all a balance.

My third great-grandmother book in my series of four is about a woman that committed suicide. I don't know if it will work from a writing viewpoint, but I'm writing about her life in first person, trying to find the "why," but "whys" are really quite elusive. Doing this has given me this strange sensation that she somehow knows all of us, knows her descendants, cherishes us.

Here is what Hannah says through my fingers:

"I know I have many descendants, pretty young women and handsome young men. I left this earth before I could look into the eyes of my grandchildren or even the adult eyes of my children. I have many regrets about that. Being a grandmother and great-grandmother can bring great joy. I somehow know that and missed those warm kisses, hugs and moments of sharing on earth.

Today in the world much is known about genes and inherited qualities, that for one’s baby to have red hair there must be red hair genes in both the mother and father. Oh, that beautiful red hair, red hair showing up in my children and great-greats, in itself a legacy of my being.

But none of that makes up for not being there for as long as I could have been. Of course there are questions about life and death, about its meaning. My two babies died before they even got to go to school or learn to read. As their mother, perhaps I could or should have done something to avoid that happening. All I could do in the last months of my life was wonder, how I had failed to care for my children, to please my husband, to serve God when I had no idea how to do that after trying for so long."

Doing nothing is okay. Sure beats killing yourself.

It is easier on those around you also.

I have looked into this more than most folks and have thought of it from every angle.

Suicide is a very hostile action.

Suicide is forbidden in religion. It is the case in Islam, and I believe it may be forbidden in other religions also.

Ahad,
Very good point!

There is a commandment, "Thou shalt not kill." Some consider suicide murder.

We worked hard when someone was suicidal, forgetting usual confidentiality, getting resources into action. Those were tough times for our mental health center that involved keeping people on the phone, getting others involved. We saved some lives.

Carol

Okay, here goes.I had an extremely stupid doctor. He did nothing for me, but sat around stewing that I might kill myself.

He decided I was a super-motivated person who if unable to do everything I was used to doing would kill myself.

He asked me if I was suicidal. I replied honestly, ""That is against my religion."

He sent me to a psychiatrist who saved my life. He got me away from that doctor. If I had stayed with the stupid one I'd be dead and it would not have been by suicide.

People can adjust to changes. My public speaking days are over--that is okay.

I had people ask me why I didn't just kill myself.

My answer was, "If I kill myself I am dead. Maybe God will fix me."

He fixed me good enough--I am very thankful to Him.

Many good points, yet why should anyone have the right to tell another person when it's time to check out? Too much value is placed on life, too little on living. They are not the same thing.

Abe you did your bit to reach out with your nod. The man could have taken the next step if he wanted but didn't. Maybe he was happy that way in some strange way. After all we all like time to ourselves from time to time. He just got stuck thinking it was secure and before he knew it his age had caught up on him. Your nod was his way out if he had wished it.