Published Authors

A place for budding and experienced authors to share ideas about publishing and marketing books
HomeHome  GalleryGallery  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  Featured MembersFeatured Members  ArticlesArticles  


 Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)

Go down 


Number of posts : 9
Registration date : 2008-06-16
Age : 53
Location : Norfolk

Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) Empty
PostSubject: Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)   Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) EmptyMon Jun 29, 2009 12:51 am

Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks


Reluctantly and nervously I stepped inside the bunker as the gangs heckling stung my ears. Their hands pushed and shoved at my back, as I glanced around, urging me to descend the wrought iron staircase. They saw the terror in my eyes and drank it in, but by now their deferential manner and their mocking tones and words were barely penetrating my reverie as my mind had closed in around me.

The smell of the repellent bunker was acrid and musty with damp and I felt a waft of fetid air . I could hear water trickling down the walls, smell the damp moss on the stairwell and hear the scuttle of what sounded like millions of unseen insects on the floors and surfaces. Every nerve in my body screamed for me to just turn and run but I knew that it was far too late for that now.
My heart was now pounding so hard that I thought it may leave my chest completely, whilst my palms were already growing slick from perspiration.
When I had reached the earthen floor at the bottom of the staircase I saw that it was covered in dead withered leaves and threadbare old blankets, which I noted, much to my aghast, were swarming with colonies of ants and assorted bugs. A huge dead beetle lay in the centre of one of the blankets, like some bizarre new age sculpture. I felt as though I had just stepped onto the set of a Hammer Horror movie and prayed that at any moment a director would yell 'cut' !
Fear reached down within my stomach and squeezed tightly as, over the fanfare of laughter from above, I heard the sound of the metal cover being slid back into place. I stood static, trembling as I thought that I saw something move from deep within the shadows and felt the blackness encroach upon me, freezing my joints and dimming my vision. I felt claustrophobic as the engulfing darkness descended upon me like a veil and sheer panic overwhelmed me instantly. I felt a shortness of breath and my nose and eyes were already experiencing discomfort from the cascading clouds of dust. I felt a draft as I moved and I felt cobwebs brush against my face. Blinking rapidly whilst struggling against the darkness my hands moved quickly to wipe them away. My skin crawled just to touch them and this only added to my distress as I could not abide spiders and the thought of them even touching me led my blood to immediately turn to ice. The hair on my arms and at the base of my neck stood to attention. My previous show of fake bravado had now left me completely as years of pent up and agonized frustration erupted to the surface like a volcano of emotion.
Smothered in black, my distress was all too evident as I began to shake uncontrollably. Utterly terrified I screamed, howling at the top of my lungs to be set free as fear permeated from my every pore and turned my pulse to static. I waited for my eyes to readjust to the darkness . I felt as though the walls were closing in around me, suffocating me, as if absorbing my very soul.
Panicking I reached out for the stair rails, only to feel an unpleasant slippery liquid substance upon them.
Grimacing with disgust at the slime and the dirt I screamed out again. Flinching and repulsed , I quickly wiped my hand across the front of my faded denim jeans, as my mind worked furiously in an attempt to combat the fear and revulsion I felt. Carefully I began my ascent again, rising slowly, cautiously placing one training shoed foot in front of the other before I committed my full weight upon it as I feared losing my footing and balance on the dark, damp and slippery staircase. I glanced down at my watch but it was too dark to see its face. I could see nothing, just pitch blackness and fear shrouded me again. I stood shaking, bit my lip and tasted blood as fear cursed through my veins. Seized by the sense of urgency I began hammering on the metal door, screaming at the top of my lungs to be set free.
My cries were so loud that my eardrums threatened to split.
My scream was full of agony and desolation and continued for as long and as loud as my lungs and voice could sustain it . The sound of my anguish and despair reverberated off the walls of the wretched bunker, echoing my desperation. Amplified sounds of my own unbearable terror.

Surely they would not abandon me here, leaving me to meet my maker?
I pressed my ear to the metal seal but could hear nothing, aside from my heartbeat pumping wildly in my ears. Either the gang had gone or were successfully stifling their laughter. I tried to spy a keyhole but found none. I assumed that the keyhole cover had either slid back across the lock therefore masking it or they had blocked it up to cut out my only light source and intensify my distress.
Probably the latter.
Grim faced I pounded my fist on to the door again until my knuckles bled, but I received no aid and the formidable barricade to my safety remained unmoved. I winced at the pain my foolish actions had caused me and I felt tortured by the vagrant currents of air coming through the locked and barricaded door. As things stood I had no way of gaining my freedom from within this dark chasm. I was trapped and now felt as if I had been dropped into the bowels of hell.
The fact that this recent past would inevitably become a terrible future only served to increase my sense of sheer helplessness.
Inside my head I heard me scream again, with anger and fear, although I think this time no sound had actually left my lips. I chewed the skin around my thumb nails, eventually drawing blood, which I drank hungrily. There was something comforting about the warm nectar that flowed from my digit as my mind raced plotting an escape from this landscape of despair. The frail blue flame of hope deep inside was waning as what seemed like hours passed. The oppressive atmosphere pressing down upon me, the damp and darkness suffocating me, my head spinning as I seemed to flit in and out of consciousness. I felt completely disorientated and claustrophobic, feeling as if I had been buried alive .
The thought was like ice in my stomach as the blood froze in my veins. By the minute my mood was ever darkening. The sudden silence was deafening and a shiver ran through me as the temperature had noticeably dropped. The dank chill and musty odour had now enveloped me totally . I just could not stop shivering. I loathed being cold so I began to frenetically rub my hands up and down my arms to try and generate some warmth.
My heart jumped as I was gripped by panic and lip quivering fear. Anxiety was stretching at my every fibre as I sensed that they were still out there beyond the locked and barricaded door,laughing at my expense no doubt, chortling at my abasement and humiliation…
I felt totally degraded whilst my mind was plagued with doubt and insecurity.
Why were they keeping me waiting?
Surely the hour must be up by now?
Cold and fear had engulfed me again. A combined embrace that threatened to drive me insane. Down below I heard the scuttle of unseen vermin which filled me with dread and loathing. I stared down into the darkness, in the direction of the scrabbling sounds but I could see nothing. I feared that it may be rats and I was filled with repugnance and fear. I could almost sense their countless beady black eyes boring into me. The sound appeared to be closing in on me as I stood frozen in fear upon the staircase. I prayed that it was just an acoustical trick of the bunker. Revulsion tightened my throat and a crawling sensation spread across my skin. I could feel the onset of a terrible headache as my temple pulsated and my eyes stung. The air was dusty and acrid and I could feel it searing at my lungs.
These passing minutes seemed to be lasting a lifetime.
I felt my heartbeat quicken as icy fear held me in a vice like grip. I tried to urge myself to breath deeply and to relax as I could feel myself beginning to hyper ventilate. I felt as though I was being swallowed by the bunkers impenetrable darkness.
I was feeling tired and fraught and becoming prey to my own imagination.
Tears combining fear and frustration were suddenly flowing down my cheeks as I knew that I had no option but to wait in the dark. I could taste every bitter salty tear. I just wanted it all to stop.
For a long frozen moment time stood still. I could not move and did not dare breath as terror ripped through my bowels. I found myself sweating profusely but yet I was still shivering from the combination of cold and trepidation.
How I loathed the endless pockets of damp and darkness.
It was pure torture.
The gang had played on my torment and brought me to my knees. I was still rigid with fear as my temple throbbed like a drum and my heart began to pound so hard that for an instant the world turned black. The darkness that had now engulfed me was all too complete. My now frantic screams rang and echoed through the bunker.
Again I thought that I could die here, in this acrid, dark, damp abominable hell of a place.
No, my parents , if sober, would be worried, they would call the police, they would ring the school.
I would be found, I was sure…
I sat waiting in this abandoned subterranean bunker, immersed in darkness, the deafening silence only broken by the sound of my own pounding heartbeat and the scurrying atrocities below.
Huddled on the stairs, in an almost foetal position, with my arms clamped tightly around my body for warmth, I sat whimpering as agony and fright seeped from my every pore . The growing knot of despair tangled deep within me as a crawling sensation ran down my spine. I subconsciously began to regress and started rocking to and fro, as if I were a baby in a crib.
I began to cradle myself in the belief that I was alone in a world bathed in darkness.
Feeling desperate, I began humming and singing to myself in a vain attempt to while away the time and to try to belatedly inflate my flagging spirits. I sat huddled, but awake, desperately trying to fight off the unease that prevented me from closing my eyes. I had to believe that I would soon be free again and that my hunger, tiredness and raging thirst would then be appeased.
Everything was going to be alright...

At some point I must have passed out as I awoke from my limbo of darkness to find the bunker door standing ajar and the sound of shrill squawks of laughter and gleeful asides assaulting my senses. Rays of sunlight bounced off the blackened walls.

The howls of the gangs laughter was almost as loud as the screaming inside my head. I glanced down at my hands and saw that my palms were slippery from sweat and grease. My nails were shattered and caked in dirt and blood, whilst my back ached and twinged.

I noted that it was now daylight, and the realization that I had now been trapped here all night dawned upon me. I slumped with relief. My senses were being overloaded with a mixture of joy, relief, fear and foreboding. Joy and relief for my obvious release but fear and foreboding for the inevitable brutal punishment that awaited me at home for being out all night. I was trying to get my senses and feelings into some sort of context as, joints aching, I exited the shelter. I paused to try and compose myself as I ascended the bunkers short flight of stairs, as I felt my legs slightly buckle from under me and found that my vision was slightly blurred. It felt as though I were walking on a sheet of thin ice. I wearily rubbed the back of my aching neck. I had the shuffling gait of a geriatric as I was, for the moment, debilitated by the stiffness of having spent a long fraught night curled up on the hard staircase (my lofty position of sanctuary from the terrifying scrabbling creatures below).
My joints and muscles cried out in anguish. My shoulder felt badly jarred and my neck as though it had suffered whiplash. I felt dizzy and confused, obviously brought on by my tiredness and pangs of hunger which stopped me from thinking clearly.
There was screaming inside my head and my soul, which felt fractured to the bone. Even though I was now released I felt as if I were still being driven mad with fear.

The barrage of laughter, mocking and teasing increased as I stepped out into the light, averting my eyes. The dazzling abrupt definition of sight hurt my eyes. I squinted and raised my hand in an attempt to shield my eyes from the sun as they desperately tried to re-adjust themselves. I looked and felt as though I had just been vomited from hell itself.
I quickened my pace as the realization that it had all been a game to them and that I was never going to be one of their gang hit me like a sledgehammer. I knew now that I had been through this entire nightmare for nothing …

Available online (£3-£7) via:

ISBN-10: 1843862549
ISBN-13: 978-1843862543
Back to top Go down‎
Five Star Member
Five Star Member

Number of posts : 8594
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)   Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) EmptyMon Jul 27, 2009 3:31 pm

Definitely not my reading genre. I tried...
Back to top Go down
Five Star Member
Five Star Member

Number of posts : 1216
Registration date : 2008-01-15

Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)   Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) EmptyMon Jul 27, 2009 7:17 pm

I am with DK on this one about the genre. However, I think that if you made shorter sentences it would help. Too many long sentences make it difficult for the reader to comprehend and get through. Long sentences are fine if you interchange them with shorter ones.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content

Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)   Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel) Empty

Back to top Go down
Redemption by Wayne Sharrocks (Debut Novel)
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Published Authors :: Authors and Books :: First Chapters-
Jump to: