Gullible's Travels Revisited

A Stodghill Says So blog:

We had lunch out today and it brought to mind a story I recently read for the sixth or seventh time, Gullible's Travels by Ring Lardner. Lunch was at a place down the road called Eddy's. I am sorry to say it was not named for Jack Eddy, the protagonist of a series I've been writing for 20 years.
If you have not read Gullible's Travels I suggest you immediately find a copy. A man and his wife hoping to do a little social climbing travel from South Bend to Palm Beach and their adventures are hilarious. In one incident, Gullible watches a man order dinner and have every selection overruled by his spouse. That's what brought Lardner's story to mind while ordering my lunch today. With a few editorial liberties taken, it went like this:
"I'll have the fish sandwich special. "
"That comes with three choices of soup."
"Forget the soup."
"The sandwich has lettuce and tomato and -"
"No lettuce and tomato."
"And a slice of onion."
"Hold the onion."
"Also a wedge of dill pickle."
"No dill pickle."
"You get French fries with that."
"Forget the French fries."
"Do you want ketchup with the fries?"
"I don't want the fries. All I want is the damn fish sandwich."
"I forgot to mention the container of tartar sauce."
"Just bring me a glass of water. I've lost my appetite."

Lardner was one heck of a writer. I grew up with his books and also Gene Fowler's in the house. Don't hear these names much any more. Don't hear Runyon's much either.

Malcolm

Unfortunate, but true.

Funny Dick - but all too true.
I realize that sales persons are trained to make that add-on sale, and that coupled with all the choices, can be exasperating.
While waiting to catch my plane, I realized that by the time I got on board and food was served, I would be starved. I decided that I needed something to bridge the gap. Didn't want a full meal - just a sandwich. I selected one restaurant, sat down, and inspected the menu. Waitress came and asked what I wanted to drink. In the old days, water would be placed in front of you automatically, but that is a thing of the past. I decided on a beer.
"Will that be the large mug or the small?"
"I'll have the small."
"If you order the large, you get refill for half-price."
"I'll just have the small, thank you." (didn't want too much alcohol before getting on the plane since drinks would be flowing while crossing the Atlantic).
While the waitress went for my drink, I studied the menu and decided on a chicken sandwich - the smallest item on the menu, and when the drink was placed, I said, "The chicken sandwich, please."
"Would you like fries with that?
"No, just the sandwich."
"Would you like a side-order of salad?
"No, just the sandwich."
"For just $1.50 extra, you can get...."
"Miss! Just the sandwich! Please!"

I eat small portions and eating out can be a problem, although cooking is not my favorite either. The most successful small portion meal besides the salad bar is spaghetti. They will usually willingly serve me the "children's" or "lunch" portion. I think others must ask for this also.

Some people split meals. Ordering the cheapest meal on the menu doesn't seem to guarantee small size either.

It seems in these days of recession, restaurants would make concessions to keep people coming. Some seem much friendlier and willing to make do so. I like to see those choices between small and "half" sizes (which really aren't half size meals.)

Carol

IHOP is not ever busy while the Outback and Carrabas right next door have lines around them and park in the IHOP lot. Mother (90) likes IHOP. They have a senior menu with senior portions. They will split or substitute anything without batting an eye. They have wait staff who are accustomed to smaller tips (smaller price meals) and still dish out great service.

We have Saturday morning breakfast there. Mother orders 1/2 order regular menu strawberry pancakes (two large pancakes with strawberries). I order the senior omelette that comes with two pancakes (two large ones) for which I ask for a nice box right away to take home for mother. Our entire bill probably equals drinks at Outback.

We worry about the nearly empty IHOP because we like it. I guess other people prefer more expensive restaurants where the role of the server is to increase the meal bill, not satisfy the customer.

DK,

I'm with you. I love the "short stack" of pancakes, one egg breakfasts, senior meals.

Since I am traveling, I'm eating out often and I have been surprised at how crowded some restaurants are.

Carol

I have often wondered if people have forgotten how to cook when I see expensive establishments crowded. I think IHOP has just about fallen by the wayside out here. Denny's usually has a pretty good crowd, and their prices aren't too bad compared to others. But I can make the same stuff here at home much cheaper. Of course, there is always the matter of clean up, and there is no tip!

What, your husband doesn't give you a tip? Shocking.

Eddy's, the place mentioned earlier, serves huge portions so it is always crowded with two different groups: senior citizens and grssly obese people. Sometimes the groups overlap, and I do mean overlap.

Here when you want a half portion, they sometimes charge you for the order. That just seeems really weird to me. You can have a $15 meal halved, and it'll cost $8.50.
Most restaurants are dealing in ridicualous sized portions, so my favourite thing to do (because I do not like that they charge the extra dollar), is to get the order, cut it in half and bring the liftovers home.
I love IHOP. When I am down in the States, I have to go just once for strawberry pancakes. Otherwise, though, I actually like to visit the "non-chain" kind of places (like Eddy's, it sounds like Dick), and support the local businesses.