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 Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843

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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyMon Mar 28, 2011 4:27 pm

I would be glad about some feedback to the translated version of "Prey World". The original is in German and I`m no native speaker. So I hope you can read it...

The novel is about a worldwide surveillance state in the near future. All national states were abolished, replaced by big administrative sectors (for example "Central Europe" etc.) and just one World Government controls the planet...

Link to the first chapter (and also the rest). But of course, you should only read the first chapter:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/51648389/Prey-World-I-Citizen-1-564398B-278843-by-Alexander-Merow-Novel

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Domenic Pappalardo
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Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyMon Mar 28, 2011 5:55 pm

Not speaking for others... I only read work posted on the forum. Why don't you post the first chapter, or part.
Domenic
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyTue Mar 29, 2011 2:45 am

Okay, I thought the first chapter was too long, but okay. Here it is...

Citizen 1-564398B-278843


Frank Kohlhaas, who was called citizen 1-564398B-278843 in his everyday life, because this was his official administrative code, dreamed already of the unpleasant smell in the hall of his floor, reminding of putrid eggs. In his mind, shortly before 5.00 o'clock in the morning – soon the dream should be terminated by the alarm – Frank was on a walk through a sunny valley, but also at this beautiful place that moldy smell was still there, so that Frank wondered, how such a beautiful valley could smell so little inviting.
When the alarm-clock rang, it became clear that the sunny valley was just fiction and the smell was real. The noise was shrill and Frank awaked swearing. Now he had to rise, put on his clothes, hastily have breakfast and walk to the production complex 42-B.
„Damn!” hissed the unshaved man as he moved his not excessively high-grown, but amazing strong body, from his cheaply produced bed.
„Hmmmhaaa!”, discharged Frank and shuffled through his still dark dwelling to the side room, where a dirty kitchen was waiting for him. The citizen tore up the refrigerator door and choked a cheese sandwich down which was the meager rest of yesterday`s supper.
The water digester was started with a loud swoosh and supplied the necessary hot water for a dissolvable coffee after a few minutes.
„Nnnhhaa!” the young man said, what was a statement which could be interpreted in many ways to this early hour and could refer to his life situation in general. At 5.27 o'clock Frank closed the battered door behind himself and walked listlessly over the dark corridor, in order to descend afterwards the still darker stairway. The source of the foul stench, that had tortured Frank`s nose for days, was somewhere here. Perhaps any other tenant, such a damn idiot, put down his garbage in the corridor.
„I don`t know...”, he muttered.
Each morning it was the same old story: „Rising, eating, walking, sloging away...“, as Mr. Kohlhaas always phrased. In the last years he had really learned to hate his life. He was now 25 years old, lived in a more than shabby flat at the edge of the former FRG capital Berlin and worked for modest wages as a temporary help in a steel plant. In former times he had wanted to study, but this issue was over. For reasons, Frank never talked about.
Actually he was not dumb, but, according to his own estimate, he couldn`t hack it yet. However - the job in the steel plant was better than nothing. It gave him the chance to earn some money and to survive.
A fact, that was not natural for millions of Germans in the year 2027. Anyhow, he groped along on this morning again step by step toward the plant, passing purged houses in the twilight and crowds of homeless people which layed in masses in the dark corners of the streets.
„What would be, if I simply don`t care about the consequences and go home again, put me into my bed and just sleep until tomorrow?”, he thought sometimes.
„What would be, if I just pack my bags and disappear from that rotted city, that scruffy country?”, he said occasionally to himself.
But where was it already different? He should enjoy, what he had - he got a job and didn`t go hungry. That was not nothing, thought the citizen.
After the worker had passed a very long and dark underpass and had not given a Globe to a drunk, begging derelict, the production complex became in Frank`s range of sight at 5.53 o'clock. Here the workers of the early shift were waiting, smoking, jawing...
When at 6.00 o'clock the factory gates finally opened, about 200 workers poured through them like a tough mash. Most of them were not in rush to begin with their work, but it had to be, there was no other way. “No alternative!”, as Frank always said.
After ten hours they went back home. One was dirty and tired, but happy that at least the work was over. Frank crept through the hall of his floor, that was still dim even by day, and unlocked the housing door.
On the Scanchip were no new messages and that was good, because that were usually only calculations: Electricity, water and the other things. Frank had placed the television one day ago in his bedroom. If he could not fall asleep, he turned it on. The program did not bind him all too much, but if anyone talked, at least one did not feel so alone in this dark block of flats.
Kohlhaas knew his neighbours only volatilely. Many left their dwellings only for working and some of them had become bad boozers in the last years. Sometimes someone bawled on his balcony or accosted people passing “his block” – but after a while everyone was sleeping.
Citizen 1-564398B-278843 watched television till 22.37 o`clock: News („War of the global armed forces against dangerous terrorists in Iran“), talk shows, easy entertainment on all fronts, warnings of the second dog flu and the necessity of the imminent obligation inoculation. Then he fell asleep, although the foul smell from outside seemed to have lodged himself meanwhile in his pillow….

Next day...

„Good morning, Frank!”, muttered Dirk Weber, one of the foremen. „Good morning, Dirk!”, murmured Frank back. It was 6.03 o'clock, the early shift could begin. A-341, that was the designation of the young man here as worker and temporary help in the steel plant, borrowed his helping hands for many operational steps till the clock indicated 10.30.
Now it was time for a short lunch and when Frank unwraped his only bun which was carpeted with a slice of salami, he did not suspect, that in the following minutes an unpleasant stroke of fate waited for him.
Since approximately half a year the production complex administration had arranged the singing of the “One-World-Song” due to a new international regulation before each correct lunch time in a correct production complex - for the increase of the work moral and for strengthening the international doctrine of „peace, freedom, prosperity and equality“, which was propagated since 2018 by the World Government. The official of the “Ministry for Production Supervision”, stationed in this enterprise, Mr. Gert Sasse, who was mostly in his office above the factory building, had come in this lunch time again conscientious down to the workers to sing the “One-World-Song” with them.
„Workers, now is lunch time! But we will sing first!”, he shouted through the hall and the steel workers formed themself to a bored row, in order to enjoy the short break after the singing:

“We are the children of One-World and we are all equal!
We love our One-World, the great realm of peace!
We don`t know any classes, we don`t know any races...”

Frank heard ever more rarely on the text in the last weeks, did not move his lips and looked to the cover of the dirty production hall. „Hurry up!”, he thought and scraped bored with his left foot over the dusty ground. Then the singing was over.
„Gosh! This stupid song is really getting on my nerves!”, the labourer said very quietly to himself.
„All right, men! That could be done halfway! Now is break!”, called the official of the “Ministry for Production Supervision” and A-341 looked forward to a hungry bite into his softened roll.
But while his teeth crushed eagerly the salty piece of salami in the front part of the bun, he was hit by an evil eye of Mr. Sasse.
The supervisor narrowed his eyes to slits and looked like an angry bulldog.
„A-341! Yes, you! Come to me! Hurry!”, he roared at the top of his lungs.
This got Frank`s adrenalin flowing. He didn`t need quarrel at work at all.
„Come on, A-341!”, blared Mr. Sasse, waving the worker nearer. Kohlhaas followed the request immediately.
„I am just a fool for you, isn`t it?”, hissed the man.
„Eh… no! Of course not, Sir… eh… Mr. Sasse!”, stammered Frank.
„I fail to see what you mean…”, he added stumbling.
„How I mean that, you idiot?”, screamed the official with a look, that gave the young man the biggest possible uneasiness. Several oppressive seconds long a malicious silence prevailed. Meanwhile the eyes of the superior threateningly became smaller and bushy, black eyebrows were pushed over them.
Next Frank saw a fist with fatty fingers fly to his face. It hurt and with a cracking his nasal bone reacted on the violent impact in the face. During some blood threads flowed from his nose, A-341 heard a growl: „How I mean that, you numbskull?”
„If I instruct that the „One-World-Song“ has to be sung, then you have to sing it too. This was an order!”, supplemented Mr. Sasse his powerful argument. His intonation varied now between satisfaction and rampantly growing meanness. Frank Kohlhaas had gone to the ground in the meantime. That punch had been really hard and Sasse gave him another kick in the ribs.
„Did you understand, idiot? You probably think that you have a special status here, isn`t it?”, he roared.
The other workers just peered around and dug their faces behind their rolls. Kohlhaas meanwhile felt like a kicked dog, humiliated in front of the rest of his colleagues - which came also very close to reality. Without considering his action, he jumped up and unbended before the official of the “Ministry for Production Supervision”.
“You can be glad, that you are my superior, otherwise I would break you every bone!”, he screamed with boiling fury. Gert Sasse was baffled. A-341 wiped the blood obstinately of his waiter lip.

About one hour later the worker still waited before the door of the production complex leader. Sasse was still in his office and Frank heard him swear and rant. That was really no good sign.

„A-341, come in!”, the voice of the highest boss of this work plant sounded over the brightly illuminated course.
The young man started moving and took a seat on the chair in the center of the office room. Short satisfying followed, then it began.
„I took a look on your Scanchip, A-341!”, reported Mr. Reimers, the production complex leader. „In the ten years of your activity here, you had come three times too late. Apart from that, this is not the first time, that you make a spectacle of yourself.
You are already occured to me, because of subversive statements at work which can be probably confirmed also by some of your colleagues. We have even remarked you with a blue code 67-Beta, if you did not know yet, A-341?
We will examine the video tapes of your working days in this complex in the next days with the new “Voice-Analysis-System” and I`m sure, that we will find some more subversive statements.
What you have done here today, is a scandal! Threatening an official of the highest authority of production supervision. Is there just air in your head, boy? If I don`t take drastic measures in such a case, then the authorities will make me a lot of problems.
I must dismiss you, A-341! Further I am obligated correctly, to react to such an unbelievable incident with a message to the responsible district administration. Disappear now from this production complex and never come back, A-341!“ Frank Kohlhaas, the just dismissed worker, was struck dumb with horror.
His vocal cords seemed to be rusted, his throat was tied, his courage put somewhere on ice. He went, just went out, pale as death and with a roaring head, without answering. Frank had just lost his job, his source for subsistence. And that was no fun in these days.

Like in trance, the young man went into the changing room of the production complex and opened absently the baggy sheet metal door of his spint. „Dismissal“ - this word sounded like the cut of a razor into the consciousness of each listener in that time. It was related to the word „liquidation”, because it equaled a destruction within the social range. Being dismissed meant to get no more Globes, as the international currency since the year 2018 was called. If Frank would not find a new employment as soon as possible, he could lose dwelling, food and finally also his life.
Any social security by the state had been completely abolished since the complete collapse of world economy in winter 2012/13. And it was more than difficult, to find work in a time, in which the industrial production in the old Central and Western Europe mostly had been outsourced to the Third World. So millions of Europeans tried to survive in this dark present by doing extremly bad paid jobs. They had nothing to lose, so the were glad about every breadline wage they could get. Those, who were not able to find a possibility to earn money in any way, ended as beggars and homeless people, just falling into a decline.

On the next day Frank woke up after a ensureful and jerky night not from the shrill sound of his alarm, but by the putrid smell from the stairway, which had not been liquidated by anyone – against the spirit of the age.
Only in the early morning hours he had been able to sleep for a while, always frightened, because of brooding and unpleasant thoughts that suffered him through the night.
As the first thought of the new grey day, the face of Mr. Sasse came into his head and the expression of citizen 1-564398B-278843 became a hateful grimace, when he envisioned killing the official with an iron rod.
„This hybrid! If my life goes down the drain because of this guy, then I will batter the skull of this bastard before that!”, hissed Frank with anger.
Then he creeped out of his bed and stared down on the dirty street in front of his apartement building.
„Damn! What shall I do now?”, he thought. „I must make money somehow, otherwise they close the account on my Scanchip, because I cannot pay the cursed calculations any longer.“
After a further hour of useless musing, he left his dwelling, tried not to inhale too deeply in the hall and walked the dark stairs down to the ground floor.
The elevator was defective since months and nobody seemed to waste a thought about repairing it. The only one, Frank could imagine as a potential employer in this hardship, was Stefan Meise, the junkdealer, an old schoolmate.
His scrapyard was about half an hour foot march distant from Frank`s apartment block. He hit the road of his quarter, scattered with garbage, and achieved his goal full of rusty cars and all kinds of iron debris some time later tiredly and frustrated.
Stefan Meise was however not difficult to find in this mountain of rust particles. He was very largely, thick, full-bearded and optically hardly differed from what he collected and sold.
„Hello Stefan! How are you?”, welcomed him Frank a bit halfheartedly.
„Oh, Frank Kohlhaas! What`s up, man?”, the thick junkedealer answered. “You haven`t been here for ages!”
“I thought, I just could visit you. Does the scrap iron trade still run, Stefan?”, asked Frank. „You have here… eh… a lot of rusty stuff...Where do you find so much junk?”
„Ha! I collect, what I can find. As all junkdealers do. Why do you ask me that, Frank? How can I help you, Kohlhaas?”, answered Meise.
„I was eliminated yesterday from my working premises”, said Frank. His roundish opposite looked surprised and stroke with his oily, broad fingers over his dirty black overall.
„That is a muck, Frank! And now?”, asked Stefan easily helpless.
„Now I look for something new. If necessary, also only as a temporary help. Perhaps you could need still another helping hand?”, the young man murmured.
For half a minute Meise googled at the unemployed person with his yellowish bulging eyes. Then he looked around and tried to give his unpleasant answer as carefully as possible.
„Working for me?”, he inquired. „Thus, Frank, the situation is…eh...the times are bad. We all know that, my friend. I run nearly everything alone here and only Ralf helps me from time to time. That is enough actually. I don`t need a temporary help actually.”
Frank Kohlhaas had never been a master in adjusting and who saw him now, could feel his disappointment.
„And only for two months?”, he demanded.
„I need none here and can also not afford a second man, Frank!”, the thick, filthy man answered and turned away. „I'm sorry, but I have to do some work now. No offense, but that is not possible.”
Back home, Frank discharged one of his worst curses and kicked against the kitchen table. He scanned his brain desperately for other possibilities of an employment and checked all production complexes around Berlin in his mind. But the problem was, that his boss had given him a negative entry in his Scanchip register after the conflict with Mr. Sasse which made a future attitude in another industrial company unearthly.
He had still 246 Globes for this month on his electronic account. Over 400 Globes was only the rent for his dwelling in this rotted apartment block. The time pushed with each day more and the dark shadow of despair grew with the applying hours. He occupied Frank`s mind like a malicious ulcer.
After the young man had watched an extremely stupid sitcom, he switched the television off and tried to sleep. But it was only just 23,00 o'clock and the exhaustion regrettably had not achieved the necessary degree yet, to turn off Frank`s brain and give him some peace of mind.
Several hours followed, when Frank was staring at the dark cover, cursing the production complex 42-B with all his superiors, supervisors and workers.
Then again the stink from the hall was noticeable to him and briefly the fog of despair in his head swelled so strongly, that the young man thought about killing himself.
He mused about operating the bad thoughts and concerns under his skullcap with a heavy-calibered shotgun which would spread his brain completely over the yellowed wallpaper behind his bedstead. Frank Kohlhaas still thought in the course of this night about many things.
About his so far useless life, the isolation, the monotonousness and the gaping abyss, waiting for him now. He came to no solution in this night and not a smallest glimmer of hope shone somewhere. Nothing. Outside it was dark, before the house Frank could recognize a few ripped garbage bags, that already lay there since several weeks. Then he was finally so tired, that he fell asleep with the head on the window sill.

Up to the end of the week, the search for a new job was unsuccessful – as he had expected. It seemed that there was no more work in the periphery of several kilometers at all. A demand at the local administration had furthermore promoted, that Frank meanwhile had a negative entry in his Scanchip register, because of „disturbance of peace at the workplace”.
„The idea with the shotgun is perhaps not so bad at all! But I will visit this damned Sasse before that!”, hissed Frank on Friday, when the short weekend for his former colleagues of the production complex 42-B begun.
On Saturday and Sunday he invested some of his last Globes into the cheap liquor of the kiosk at the corner. Alone in his small, dearless furnished dwelling, in the dark block of flats, in a time becoming darker. His fate and his pain was not noticed by anybody. Exactly the same as Frank Kohlhaas never noticed the pain of the others, who lifed their lives in their honeycombs behind the weathered, grey front of this multistoried building.
If he would drink himself to death or blew his head away, he would soon smell like the corridor on his floor and it would probably not even be noticeable to someone. The thought was so sick somehow, that he elecited Frank a tormented smile.
Hard alcohol has not the best reputation, but one thing was clear: He had already given millions of despaired human beings a good sleep. No concern could be so large, that she could not be drown in a wave of the good and above all cheap booze from the nearby kiosk. Frank really proved this old truth in a self attempt.
„Beep! Beep! Beep!”, it roared on Monday at 6.30 o'clock in the morning from the kitchen, where the drunk man had forgotten his Scanchip. „Beep! Beep! Beep!“

An electronic female voice always repeated...

„Good morning, citizen 1-564398B-278843! You have a message of priority level alpha on your Scanchip!“

„Good morning, citizen 1-564398B-278843! You have a message of priority level alpha on your Scanchip!“

„Good morning, citizen 1-564398B-278843! You have a message of priority level alpha on your Scanchip!“

„Hmmm…”, hummed Frank, still a bit dazed from the night before.
„Damn… what?”, he groused and rolled himself out of his bedlinen, smelling of liquor. „What the hell? Damn! Shut up, you blugger!”, he grunted and shuffled with a bad headache to the kitchen table.
It lasted a small eternity until Frank had remembered the pin code and found his way through the message-menu of the Scanchip.
“What is...?”
“Citation? What?”, whispered citizen 1-564398B-278843. He had to read it twice, in order to believe it. That had to be a bad joke.
„What the fuck is that?”, he could only say.

Official citation:

Citizen 1-564398B-278843,

You are cited officially for an automated trial on 14.08.2027 at 8.00 o'clock.

Accusations:

- Massive disturbation at the workplace
- Theoretical aggravated battery

Appear for the mentioned time in court cell 4/211 at your local law complex. In the case of nonappearance, you will be punished with the deletion of your Scanchip or arrest! (*§127b, „Citizen Obligations and theoretical Sanctions“)
Official document code: 257789000-0100567-2345441113-EGN-59900-4/211
Culprit number: 319444-556.77

We thank you for co-operation!

Frank`s atomised brain began to hurt and to rotate. „Citation? What do you want from me?“
He was totally confused and could remember no bad criminal offence in his past life.
„Just because I snarled at this damned Sasse?”, he thought. „This can`t be true! I finally did not touch him. I just lost control for some seconds. I don`t understand that. And what the hell do they mean with „theoretical aggravated battery“?”
And there was no doubt. Frank Kohlhaas, the helping out citizen with the official code 1-564398B-278843, had still never done something to somebody. Except at that time in the kindergarten, as he had given this stupid Kevin a little slap and his parents had to go to the authorithies. The local education officials briefly became anxiously and explanied, that Frank would have „subliminal aggressions“ and „precariously masculine behavior”. Then they suggested a therapy with tranquilizers.
But that was many years ago. The therapy could also be turned away, after the child had repetend its sins in front of a committee of psychologists and social pedagogous, and his parents insured, that they would announce Frank immediately, if he would be noticeable again in such a context.
But he never became noticeable again. Not even he missed a slap or a small love tap since his fifth year of life to any other fellow man in this world. No, he was not noticeable. And even not at all, as a human being with „subliminal aggressions“. Sometimes in his thoughts or dreams, he beat up a superior or an administrative coworker, but that was a secret and there was no reason to treat it.
Further, it was also the first time that the otherwise perfectly inconspicuous block of flats inhabitant Frank Kohlhaas, also came in contact with an „automated trial“. However, the citizen had heard about that once in the news, since it had been introduced approximately three years ago by the World Government. But the young man could not imagine what this strange process really was, but why should a decent person like Frank think about such things? He had never become culpable and had nothing to do with criminality.
So the accused had neither a pale glow of what waited for him now and so he wasn`t too much concerned about that citation.
It was supposed a pure formality, circumstances which let themselves clarify. He had not hurt anybody and therefore he also could not to be condemned. Frank had already lost his job because of the “disturbation of peace at the workplace“. What could otherwise still happen now?
The unemployed person pressed absently on „Voice Presentation“, so that the message was read out again slowly by the computer-animated woman voice. That was likewise a novelty. The administration had introduced the “Voice Presentation” some years ago, since many citizens meanwhile were illiterate, above all, the recent generation. So an important official message had also to be available in read out form.

The rest of this day wasn`t very spectacular and the 14.08.2027 was already tomorrow. „Then I will have at least one reason to rise”, said Frank to himself and grinned with suffering expression. Kohlhaas tried to call his father, to ask him for some money, but he didn`t reach anybody over the whole day. But there was some more liquor in the kitchen. Frank drank till it got dark and fell asleep sometime. He had almost forgotten to set his alarm-clock….
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Domenic Pappalardo
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Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyThu Mar 31, 2011 7:39 pm

I like the story. You have a problem with english Grammar. It might be better for the book if you wrote in German.
As to the style you write. I only read the first 1/4 of your story...you tell the story, rather than show. Is this your first book?

Domenic
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

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Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyFri Apr 01, 2011 7:47 am

Quote :
You have a problem with english Grammar.

Yes, I know. The last English grammar lesson is long ago. This is only a test, a real native speaker will edit the text in the next time. Of course, it is much easier for me to write the text in German and the translation was a "crazy idea", but it was very funny.

Quote :
Is this your first book?

Yes, this is the first. It is about three years old. I`m writing part 5 right now and I`m always glad to learn new things.
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Domenic Pappalardo
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Domenic Pappalardo

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptyFri Apr 01, 2011 5:59 pm

Alex,
Stay with this forum. You have a good talent for writing. There are many good writers here who will help you.
I like your story. It just needs a little clean up.

Domenic
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
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Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySat Apr 02, 2011 2:19 am

Quote :
I like your story. It just needs a little clean up.

Thanks! I don`t deny that. I will give the text to my aunt, she is from Maine, USA. I`m anxious to hear what she will say to the text...
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Ebook on smashwords.com   Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Apr 17, 2011 5:02 am

The first part of Prey World is now on smashwords.com for free download:

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/53945
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Abe F. March
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Abe F. March

Number of posts : 10716
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Age : 80
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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Apr 17, 2011 5:31 am

A brief scan of the story and I agree that it needs cleanup. I find the story a bit incredible in that it doesn't ring true of a German city. German cities are clean - often squeaky clean. My first impression is that it isn't credible. What caused the city to deteriorate? Would a world government cause people to become slobs? I must be missing something.
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Alexandermerow
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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Apr 17, 2011 6:07 am

Quote :
German cities are clean - often squeaky clean

No, this is long ago. Of course some cities are cleaner than others, but many cities in the Ruhrgebiet (Dortmund, Hagen etc.) or some parts of Berlin (Neukölln, Wedding etc.) are not clean at all.

Quote :
Would a world government cause people to become slobs?

It is important to read the whole book to answer this question. The World Government in the book causes that, because it has a "parasite" character.
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Abe F. March
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Location : Germany

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Apr 17, 2011 6:19 am

Generalization is not a good idea. If you are talking about a particular region, then that should be expressed. I live in Germany. In my area/region there are no dirty streets as you describe. I can't speak for Berlin today, however when I last visited Berlin, there was some filth in the Park left by non-native party makers. If that is typical today, why it is typical, and what caused the deterioration would help with credibility.
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Apr 17, 2011 9:17 am

Quote :
In my area/region there are no dirty streets as you describe.

I don`t say in Prey World that all streets are dirty. The book plays in the year 2028 and all the circumstances that made the world how it is in the book, are described. There was a worldwide economic crisis etc.
In "1984", London is a dirty, rotten city too and Orwell describes the background vividly how it came to this situation. You should read the whole book to evaluate, if the described background is coherent.
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Alexandermerow
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Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: New version   Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  EmptySun Aug 14, 2011 2:29 pm

There is an edited version of Prey World I. I think, it is much easier to read now. Have fun!

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/53945

http://www.archive.org/details/PreyWorld-Citizen1-564398b-278843
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PostSubject: Re: Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843    Prey World - Citizen 1-564398B-278843  Empty

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