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 Need your eyes.

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Domenic Pappalardo
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Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

Need your eyes. Empty
PostSubject: Need your eyes.   Need your eyes. EmptyWed Mar 23, 2011 9:50 pm

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Last edited by Domenic Pappalardo on Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:44 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Shelagh
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Shelagh

Number of posts : 12621
Registration date : 2008-01-11
Location : UK

Need your eyes. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Need your eyes.   Need your eyes. EmptyThu Mar 24, 2011 3:03 am

It's fine, Domenic, but it needs editing; there are several typos and grammatical errors and the last "said the Govenor" could be removed without causing confusion:

The Governor pounded the radio with a tight fist. “He’s going to do it. The son of a bitch is going to make God out to be some kind of pervert. I want that son of a bitch in jail. Have every radio station in Mississippi turned off. God damn it, I want this damn thing stopped.”
“You can’t do that,” warned Senator Barletto. “Obama would blanket the state with Federal troops.”
“To hell with that little nigger. That power hungry little son of a bitch is probably behind this damn fiasco. I want something done, and I want it done now.”
“I’d advise caution,” warned Senator Barletto.
“We could side track the trial…give people something else to focus on.” advised the Attorney General. “That‘s how they do it in Washington. Ain‘t that right Senator?”
“Good Idea,” said the Governor. “What you got in mind?”
“We could arrange for a serial killer to escape from prison,” smiled the Attorney General.
Page 132
The Governor frowned. ”That’s sick. Do you think it would work?”
“Are you nuts?” warned Senator Barletto. “Let a serial killer loose on innocent people?”
“We’d just make it look like he escaped. Of course we’d keep him secure somewhere else,” said the Attorney General. “Every time someone in the state gets killed, we tell the news he struck again.”
“I like that,” said the Governor. “Them damn news people would go crazy with that.”
“And when the mad killer is captured, our Attorney General will be a hero,” sneered Senator Barletto.
“I don’t like that,” said the Governor, poking his finger into the Attorney General's chest. “You planning on running against me come election time?”
“No,” said the Attorney General. “I like my position just fine.”
"Get it started then, and I want to know every damn thing about that god damn Chicago attorney. Get me some dirt.”

_________________
Need your eyes. 81KU-cLOw3L._SX110_ Need your eyes. 41C9GeFDNWL._SX110_ Need your eyes. 41%2BmGkZJdOL._SX110_ Need your eyes. 51eDGllZXhL._SX115_ Need your eyes. 41y7VHKoszL._SX115_ Need your eyes. 51Zs4N4T4eL._SX115_
Amazon Author Central: Shelagh Watkins
I shall never be old. It doesn't suit me -- ©️Shelagh Watkins
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http://shelaghwatkins.co.uk
Domenic Pappalardo
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

Need your eyes. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Need your eyes.   Need your eyes. EmptyThu Mar 24, 2011 5:59 am

cc


Last edited by Domenic Pappalardo on Thu Oct 27, 2011 12:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Shelagh
Admin
Admin
Shelagh

Number of posts : 12621
Registration date : 2008-01-11
Location : UK

Need your eyes. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Need your eyes.   Need your eyes. EmptyThu Mar 24, 2011 7:43 am

Yes it did! It sounded like Primary Colors with attitude. Well done!

_________________
Need your eyes. 81KU-cLOw3L._SX110_ Need your eyes. 41C9GeFDNWL._SX110_ Need your eyes. 41%2BmGkZJdOL._SX110_ Need your eyes. 51eDGllZXhL._SX115_ Need your eyes. 41y7VHKoszL._SX115_ Need your eyes. 51Zs4N4T4eL._SX115_
Amazon Author Central: Shelagh Watkins
I shall never be old. It doesn't suit me -- ©️Shelagh Watkins
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http://shelaghwatkins.co.uk
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Need your eyes. Empty
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