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 Comedy

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lin
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:22 am

I'd vote for her in a heartbeat. Even though she's the all-time champion bleeding-heart liberal.

Her concern is the world and it's inhabitants above all else.


For those unfamiliar with Mafalda, the best-loved Spanish comic strip of all time, she "lived" her "life" in Argentina during the sixties. Which gave her plenty of opportunity to get depressed about the way of the world. But her soaring sense of optimism somehow overrode it all.

In the last strip, which appeared in Buenos Aires papers and all over the world, Mafalda was killed.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:38 am

How fights start (Passing this along)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, What's on TV?
I said, Dust.

And then the fight started

==============================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150

in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started

==============================

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.


And then the fight started....

==============================

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started ...

==============================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'


'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'


'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Tue Jan 27, 2009 7:58 am

Loved them,

Thanks, Abe
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zadaconnaway
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Tue Jan 27, 2009 8:58 am

Wonderful fight beginnings, Abe. Had to laugh.
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Dick Stodghill
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Tue Jan 27, 2009 3:29 pm

Wish Abe would quit telling jokes about me.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:29 am

Practical gifts

For Christmas, an elderly couple decided only to buy each other practical gifts, so the wife bought her husband a Coffin.
He thanked her and stored it in the attic. Next Christmas, the husband asked his wife what she planned to buy him for this Christmas.
She said, “You haven’t used the last present I got you.”
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A Ahad
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Sun Feb 22, 2009 3:03 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Nice joke Abe!
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zadaconnaway
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Sun Feb 22, 2009 3:36 am

I like that one, Abe. But then, I would see the humor in it.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:03 am

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in
price - the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the
best, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks
her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea.. It's so sheer
that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling
naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose...

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.
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Helen Wisocki
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:32 am

Ha! You missed your calling, Abe. You should've been a stand-up comic. This is a great thread for a lot of laughs!
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zadaconnaway
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Mar 11, 2009 11:00 pm

Yes, Abe, keep going. I needed the cheer!
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Mar 13, 2009 11:06 pm

Nice one.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:00 am

Undies

Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them.
Mum said : " YOU should say NO - they only want to look at your undies".

Susie said: " I know they do, that's why I hide them in my backpack"!!
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Don Stephens
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:14 am

cyclops


Last edited by D. J. (Don) Stephens on Fri Mar 05, 2010 6:42 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:34 am

Good one Don.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:21 am

AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED
FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER
TO USE A TIMER.
A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.
IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD FOR
ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE
STAIRS
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zadaconnaway
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:54 am

Thanks Abe! I like the duct tape and WD-40 one the best. They are items that I keep on hand and use often.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:57 am

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy,
Albert, we won't be long -- Easy,
boy."
Another outburst and she hears Gramps calmly say, "its okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps again in a controlled voice says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
"You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay... Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But actually, I'm Albert -- the little shits name is
Steve."
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Helen Wisocki
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Thu Jul 09, 2009 11:24 am

Like it, Abe! Good laugh!
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Dick Stodghill
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Thu Jul 09, 2009 11:28 am

Loved 'em all.
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zadaconnaway
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:34 am

There are some good ones here, and that last one was good as well, Abe. Nothing like a little humor in the morning to start my day right.
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:50 am

Glad you all liked it. When something amuses me, I like to share it.
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Don Stephens
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:50 pm

Twisted Evil


Last edited by D. J. (Don) Stephens on Fri Mar 05, 2010 6:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dick Stodghill
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:05 pm

That'll teach her!
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: Comedy   Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Good one Don.
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