My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think?

Subject: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:19 am

I wasn't really sure exactly where to put this, so I figured here would be the best place, since it's not a full written chapter, but just a poem.

Decided to try a bit of poety, since that seems to be more my style of writing instead of a whole book. Neutral

But anyway, hope you like it! Feel free to give me some friendly constructive critisim and tips to make my poetry better, but as is my title of the thread, this IS my first poem I've ever done. ~~I don't really have a title for it yet. Maybe you guys could give me some ideas for one?~~ Very Happy

(Naturally, at least with me, my very first poem is about the vampire. Well, vampires and us humans.)

Now I know what to title my poem! It shall be called...

OF DARKNESS AND SIN

Of blood and darkness do these creatures feed...
Of strength and power do these creatures breed...
Lust and beauty do these pale creatures need...
To walk among the humans, among the day under the sun once more and plant their seed...
The desire to be human, to age and to die, are what these poor trapped and immortal souls never will get to be...
From the dark beds in which they rise, doomed to lead their eternal, cursed lives, one must look into their eyes, to see if they poses a soul indeed and in need...
But yet 'tis said they poses no heart, but then one must wonder how they can also feel and to bleed...
To become a vampire would likely be a great, terrifying deed...
To poses the strength and the power of the supernatural, the simply unheard of, but could you cope with the price you would pay for your eventual misdeeds...?
For we humans are much, much to often mislead, hardly ever to pay the price, the true price, for our greed...
But yet if one were to become this blood sucking fiend, you'd likely soon regret all that you have lost and once had, knowing that you certainly should have listened, should have taken heed...
For now you are stuck to be this eternal creature of darkness forever so it seems...
To be the very thing that you have deemed...

And there it is! Hope you like my poem! Razz

My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? 973110

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:30 am

Do I ever! And I am not generally into vampire lore (present company excepted).

Great use of internal rhyme, a naturally flowing meter, repetition used for effect - in just the right places.

Very effective - and good to hear from you again.

Annie

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:39 am

Thankyou. I'm glad you like it. Very Happy

Wasn't sure how good or not-so-good it would be for coming up with the poem at the top of my head. (Lol.)

And thanks again. I know I haven't been on much at all lately, but my mind was kind of dead with writer's block, as I'm sure you probably know how that goes sometimes...

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 12:37 pm

I'm glad Ann understands poetry enough to comment. I don't. However, I congratulate you for the courage to step outside your comfort zone and to seek validation. Great!

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 12:52 pm

Ah well. Vampires aren't everyone's cup of tea. Thanks for being honest though! Appriciate the comments I've gotten so far! My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? 572534

My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? 572534

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Wed Mar 13, 2013 5:04 pm

It's a very good first poem. I hope it kick starts your writing again. One typo needs correcting: possess (To poses the strength and the power ... ).

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:06 am

Thanks!

Darn! Had the word spelled right the first time...Ah well...

Number of posts : 3 Registration date : 2013-04-22 Location : Chicago

I'm new as of today and trying to publish a novel googled a few publishing companies that charge allot are there any actually free ones out there???

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:28 pm

Welcome to the forum!

However...The kind of advice you are looking for would be better off posted in the Agent section of this forum if you are looking for a publisher. Not in my thread of my first poem.

But there is free ones. Though those aren't the best to use. The one I got my book published with was Published America, something like that. Although, they want you to do your own advertising and even editing. You could also try Tate Publishing too. Those are the two I know of. Try typing in something like 'free book publishing companies' in your Google search and see what you come up with.

Number of posts : 3 Registration date : 2013-04-22 Location : Chicago

Thank you, sorry for inquiring in UR poem, I have one novel finished, not much of an editor or anything so I'm reading other works trying to make it actually salable. Question for ya, in my novel can I use actual street names and deal places like Navy Pier in Chicago?

Subject: Re: My First Poem Ever! Whatdya think? Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:21 pm

Depth,

I think you are missing vampireherat's point. This site has many different forums and threads. While we sometimes get a bit off topic, we try to stick to them, at least somewhat.

Why don't you take a little time to explore. I'm sure you will find several places where your question would be more than appropriate. You would have a much better chance of getting answers to your questions.

» Poem: When Will You Come?
» Poem: God Within
» Poem: Come Forth!
» Poem: For Just One Day
» Poem: Come, See This Man