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 Puns

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slb
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Number of posts : 857
Registration date : 2010-11-04
Age : 50
Location : Oskaloosa, Iowa

PostSubject: Puns   Wed Jan 30, 2013 8:52 pm

From my English and Spanish teacher who loved puns come these quickies:


I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.


When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the
wurst.


A soldier who survived mustard gas
and pepper spray is now a seasoned

veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to
brake fluid. He says he can stop any

time.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.


I stayed up all night to see where
the sun went. Than it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me
from the vegetarian club, but I'd never

met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about
anti-gravity. I can't put it down.


I did a theatrical performance
about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-
O.


A dyslexic man walks into a
bra.


PMS jokes aren't funny,
period.


Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.


Class trip to the Coca-Cola
factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


Energizer bunny arrested. Charged
with battery.


I didn't like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.


How do you make holy water? Boil
the hell out of it!


Did you hear about the cross eyed
teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her
pupils?


When you get a bladder infection,
urine trouble.


What does a clock do when it's
hungry? It goes back four
seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was
getting bigger. Then it hit me!


Broken pencils are
pointless.


What do you call a dinosaur with a
extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


England has no kidney bank, but it
does have a Liverpool .


I used to be a banker, but then I
lost interest.


I dropped out of communism class
because of lousy Marx.


All the toilets in New York 's
police stations have been stolen. Police

have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I
kneaded dough.


Haunted French pancakes give me the
crepes.


Velcro - what a rip
off!


Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.


Venison for dinner? Oh
deer!


Earthquake in Washington obviously
government's fault.


I used to think I was indecisive,
but now I'm not so sure.


Be kind to your dentist. He has
fillings, too.
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dkchristi
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PostSubject: Re: Puns   Thu Jan 31, 2013 6:43 am

How fun! Just shows the English language has more to offer than a story or two. :-)
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A. Hellstorm

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Registration date : 2013-03-23
Location : Järfälla, Sweden

PostSubject: Re: Puns   Mon Mar 25, 2013 3:40 pm

So I asked the tree:
"Wood you do me a favor?"
"Oakay, I'm rooting for you!"

"Follow the notes," the conductor said, "I need you to play acchordingly!"

A hired gunman can only ever pull the trigger once; after that he's fired.
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Abe F. March
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Age : 78
Location : Germany

PostSubject: Re: Puns   Mon Mar 25, 2013 11:42 pm

Good ones.
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Shelagh
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PostSubject: Re: Puns   Tue Mar 26, 2013 3:01 am

"I stayed up all night to see where
the sun went. Than it dawned on me."

Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Puns   Thu Apr 04, 2013 1:19 pm

The musical starring male cross-dressers got a bad review in the paper:

"What a drag!"
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