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 THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT - ANOTHER VERSION

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E. Don Harpe
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PostSubject: THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT - ANOTHER VERSION   Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:20 am

THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT.

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long trying to find the best way to avoid paying taxes on the wealth he has accumulated by keeping the grasshopper from earning a decent living wage. Even though the ant receives a lot of money from the government to repair his equipment and hire new employees, instead he grants himself a huge raise and several large bonuses. He is planning on vacationing all winter in the Bahamas and because he has just decided not to give any of his grasshopper employees raises this fall, he has just moved into a beautiful new condo in the new gated ant hill community just over the meadow.

Meanwhile, the grasshopper goes to the prom as a chaperone for his children and while there breaks a couple of his legs. Not having any insurance, he misses several weeks’ work and his boss the ant fires him because of it. In the next few months of the summer, the ant lays off over 5,000 grasshopper workers and sends another 5,000 grasshopper jobs to India, leaving them with no income and no benefits to fall back on. The ant gleefully gives himself another raise with the money he is saving from not having the grasshoppers working, and the money the government is giving him to replace them, which of course he doesn’t plan to do

All summer long the grasshopper watches the ant handing out money to the Republican Red Ant’s presidential campaign, knowing that if the Red Ant is elected the ant can expect some very large favors from the office of the President. Come winter, the ant has indeed been able to see the Red Ant elected and has gotten several large tax breaks already, but of course he doesn’t rehire any of the grasshoppers he laid off and fired last summer. The grasshopper, shivering in the winter cold because he has no heat in his house, calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while the very workers who made the products that made the ant rich are now out of work, cold and starving.

FOX NEWS and CNN show up to provide coverage of the shivering grasshopper in the weeds, and the ant in his comfortable home in the gated anthill community with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Big Bird appears on the Late Show with Jay Leno and everybody cries as he fiddles “Hopper of Constant Sorrow.” in honor of the grasshoppers plight.

Mitt Romney holds a press conference in Madison Square Garden, which he is pretty sure is a national park, and tells all of the American insects that the ant is correct in what he has done, because it has been proven that the grasshopper has a stockpile of ant poison, a weapon of mass destruction, and the means to deliver it to the gated ant hill which the ant has now moved into.


Joe Biden exclaims in an interview with John Stewart that the ant has gotten rich by stealing from this grasshopper and others like him, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share of taxes and also requests that the government begin an immediate investigation into the way the ant spent all of the tax money the government has already given his company. The second guest of the night, Rush Limbaugh, denies all that Biden has said and Stewart breaks out a .357 and shoots Rush on live TV, thereby giving him the best ratings of the year

Finally, the Washington DC chapter of Hopper’s R Us writes and ratifies the "Equality For All Insects Act,” and asks all ants register with the government before ever owning a large company again. The ant is fined for illegally firing the grasshopper and failing to maintain adequate insurance, and is called in front of a congressional hearing for laying off grasshoppers while taking a government subsidy and swearing he would not cut back any employees if the government bailed his company out of the hole it was in. The ant was required to retroactively pay his fair share of taxes and to give the government back the money his company received in the subsidy. Not only that, but his new home was confiscated by the government, and his income tax was audited for the past 15 years.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshoppers in a class action suit against all of the ant employers living in the gated ant hill, and the case is tried before the Supreme Court who all vote in favor of the grasshopper. Not only does the ant lose, but with the economy still reeling from the policies of the Bush years, they order the ants to go and live in the country where they have sent most of their jobs, and determine that none of them can ever be American Ants again.

The story ends with the grasshopper back at work in the factory, whistling a happy tune as he fiddles “Goodbye Earl Ant” with his back legs. He is well paid now as it is the grasshoppers who are running the factory, and the gated ant hill community has been torn down. The chief ant is sentenced to 165 years in a federal prison for tax evasion, defrauding the government, keeping three sets of books, illegally destroying records and having sex with a pretty young aphid intern and lying to his wife about it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Vote for the truth, and the Democrats will win because they are truly for the majority of the American working people. (And insects!)

E. Don Harpe - 2012
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Abe F. March
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PostSubject: Re: THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT - ANOTHER VERSION   Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:43 am

Love it, Don. Now to make it happen.
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alice
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PostSubject: Re: THE GRASSHOPPER AND THE ANT - ANOTHER VERSION   Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:51 am

Absolutely fabulously true. Put it on Facebook.
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