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 Silver Bullets

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vampireheartauthor
Four Star Member
Four Star Member
vampireheartauthor

Number of posts : 356
Registration date : 2010-05-18
Age : 27
Location : USA

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PostSubject: Silver Bullets   Silver Bullets EmptyWed Jun 16, 2010 1:30 pm

Prologue

His arm bled furiously from the silver bullet that was lodged firmly in the bone. He stood there in the alley way, panting and sweating as blood streamed steadily down his right arm and dripped from the tips of his fingers. He knew that he would be found eventually, but he hoped that he could gather at least some strength to fight before he died. The silver bullet acted like a poison to his blood. His human blood particles were slowly dissolving the silver bullet, while his other, werewolf blood particles were healing the wound; slowly but surely. If he could just change his form he would be saved from death unless he was struck in the heart or the neck by the silver bullet.

The moon was probably less than a third of the way full. Even if he could manage to transform, the process would be slow. The brighter and fuller the moon was, the quicker he could transform. He could transform even faster if he were underneath a moonbeam, but unfortunately, he did not have time to find one. If it were only a red moon, he could have changed instantly whenever he wanted to.

He stumbled forward as the alley way spun around him like a top. He slid to the cold ground and let out a huff of breath. He could see his breath in the cold winter air.

“Well, well…What have we here?” Came a sudden voice at the head of the alley way. A cold but amused chuckle filled the air. “Someone’s lost dog it looks like.”

The sound of a cylinder being clicked open could be heard in the crisp night air. Two bullets were loaded into the cylinder, and then the cylinder was clicked closed. The sound seemed unnaturally loud in the stillness of the night’s air.

He swallowed hard and his heart began to beat even faster than ever as the man before him stalked forward, his silver gun in hand. The man stopped and looked down at him. He kneeled down so that they were looking at each other eye-to-eye. The silver revolver seemed to glint brilliantly even though the moon was currently covered by dark clouds.

“Why don’t you just kill me and get it done with.” He demanded through clenched teeth.

Another cold bought of laughter filled the air. “Well that wouldn’t be any fun, now would it?”

He grunted and shifted into a more comfortable position. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the cool bricks of the alley. Normally his body temperature would have been around one hundred and two degrees, but because of the silver bullet acting like a poison, his health, and temperature was dropping steadily.

The man who had been hunting him stood suddenly, and cocked the trigger of his silver pistol. He swallowed nervously and his hands clenched reflectively, his body expecting the pain that he knew was coming. The man aimed his gun, but not at his heart or his neck, but at his leg. “I only need to kill you with one bullet to the heart or neck, I know. But with what you are, it’s in your nature to make the people you hunt suffer. So, it’s only fair that you suffer as well with them.” There was a pause as he cocked the gun. “Don’t you think so?”

He would have answered but he did not get a chance to as the man pulled the trigger. An explosion sounded and echoed throughout the alley. His face clenched with pain as the second bullet lodged itself into his leg bone, preventing him from moving, no matter how badly he may have wanted to run, there simply was no running now, only excepting his fate. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from screaming, knowing that, that was what the man wanted.

“If only you were human, eh?” Asked the man as he knelt down again. He titled his head slightly to the side. He cocked the gun a second time and pressed the barrel of the gun against his chest, his gloved finger on the trigger. He closed his eyes just as he pulled the trigger and the second explosion sounded as the bullet cut its way through his heart, killing him instantly.

I know this is the prologue but I'll add the first chapter once I get that written. Silver Bullets Icon_smile
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Domenic Pappalardo
Five Star Member
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Domenic Pappalardo

Number of posts : 2557
Registration date : 2009-04-27

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PostSubject: Re: Silver Bullets   Silver Bullets EmptyWed Jun 16, 2010 8:19 pm

I like the writing. I would suggest removing words not needed:

Example;

His arm bled furiously. The silver bullet lodged firmly in the bone. He stood there in the alley way...blood dripped from his fingers. He would be found eventually. He fought to gather strength...to fight before he died. The silver bullet acted like poison to his blood.

If kept short, it moves faster, and holds the reader.

Just my style of writing. I don't know if it fits your feeling for your story.
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vampireheartauthor
Four Star Member
Four Star Member
vampireheartauthor

Number of posts : 356
Registration date : 2010-05-18
Age : 27
Location : USA

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PostSubject: Re: Silver Bullets   Silver Bullets EmptyWed Jun 16, 2010 9:36 pm

It's a good suggestion, but without the discription it's a little dull...With how it's originally written, it also gives the reader (well, it does me anyway) a better vision in their mind as to what's happening and to how this person (or werewolf if you wish to call him that), feels. Also, the way you've written it made the sentances a bit choppy and undescriptive. It doesn't really flow together to make what's going on understandable.

Example; His arm bled furiously. The silver bullet lodged firmly in the bone. When it should be...His arm bled furiously from the silver bullet that was lodged firmly in the bone. When you say it how you've written it, it kind of makes you wonder why his arm is bleeding... Silver Bullets Icon_smile
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Alexandermerow
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One Star Member
Alexandermerow

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2011-03-28
Age : 41
Location : Berlin

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PostSubject: Re: Silver Bullets   Silver Bullets EmptyMon Mar 28, 2011 4:14 pm

Sorry, that was the wrong thread...
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http://www.alexander-merow.de.tl
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PostSubject: Re: Silver Bullets   Silver Bullets Empty

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