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 SYN- Query

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mjgoodnow
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mjgoodnow


Number of posts : 212
Registration date : 2009-02-17
Age : 48
Location : Midwest, USA

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PostSubject: SYN- Query   SYN- Query EmptySat Nov 07, 2009 9:25 am

A young Jesuit Priest Father Damien Richards is an ex army ranger who enters the priesthood after feeling guilty for all those he killed on his missions. But after dealing with an university’s closure he is called to Vatican City, were me meets his bishop. The bishop tells him that he is to come to the United States and settle into a small town in California and be able to conduct church services and meals for the town. He does so…

Within a week Father Damien meets an autistic boy named Lane Robinson and his mother, Jocelyn Robinson who live on the outskirts of town. His father’s whereabouts are unknown. He takes heed to the boy who seems to suffer from night terrors and strange spacing out episodes when he is called to the house many times to help fix the boy and put him back to bed.

One dreadful night Jocelyn calls Father Damien and to the Father’s ears tells him her son had been kidnapped. Now, after a bad track record at the university Father Damien must try to help even more since his priesthood could be on the line, or much more.

Father Damien and the police open an investigation. They scour through the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the basement all over. Call in people from all over town to find Lane. And, there is nothing….

Father Damien finally finds a clue which is a small smelted piece of jewelry on the floor unnoticed by the bed. He quickly grabs it and pockets it. The next day he tries to find a match of people who sell jewelry and there it was, a shop on the corner of 12th street.

There he finds many pieces and many decorations. But one in particular stood out. A pentagram necklace that matches the piece he had.

Father Damien quickly finds police and many other people in town that do not believe him and his terror. He tells his mother who is in shock and disbelief at such a story. But the truth does prevail as a package came the next morning and blew the trailer up.

Father Lane begins to in many scenes prepare for war. Bandana’s, knives, pistols, and a rifle all along his body with his black clothes and eye makeup on. He gives a prayer and heads out the door.

As the battles begin in an old family campground not used anymore, Father Damien realizes he is not only fighting a cult, but a Satanic cult, and also time. The Satanist want to use the autistic boy as a sacrifice on Halloween. They believed he was born to destroy them, the history was there….just never was told by Jocelyn.

Father Damien finally after many killings, explosions and fires comes face to face with the leader who is holding his captive and about to slit his throat when the leader drops the boy and attacks him. Father Damien is out of weapons and they both are doing hand to hand combat. But without the leaders knowledge, Lane finds a stake in the ground and walks over to them both as there pummeling each other on the ground, and Lane kills the leader with a final blow through the heart with the large stake.

A star shines brightly on after the killing and a blue mist around Father Lane.

Jocelyn finally shows up with her car and kisses the priest and her son…

Wedding bells could be heard later on as the book ends…and the sounds of TV letting us know that a “wildfire broke out at a family camp ground”.
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Shelagh
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Shelagh


Number of posts : 12662
Registration date : 2008-01-11
Location : UK

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PostSubject: Re: SYN- Query   SYN- Query EmptySat Nov 07, 2009 9:48 am

This is a good account and synopsis of your novel. It needs to be tighter, more dynamic and leave the editor thinking: "I really must read this story!"
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PostSubject: Re: SYN- Query   SYN- Query EmptySat Dec 26, 2009 11:39 am

Most readers will look at the back cover. There they will read what the book is about in three or four lines...I understand most publishers will only read the first three lines of your letter.

Like Sheligh said...keep it tight.

Domenic
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Abe F. March
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Abe F. March


Number of posts : 10768
Registration date : 2008-01-26
Age : 85
Location : Germany

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PostSubject: Re: SYN- Query   SYN- Query EmptySat Dec 26, 2009 10:51 pm

I agree with Shelagh.
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