Published Authors

A place for budding and experienced authors to share ideas about publishing and marketing books
 
HomeHome  GalleryGallery  FAQFAQ  RegisterRegister  Log in  Featured MembersFeatured Members  ArticlesArticles  

Share | 
 

 Dealing With Aging Parents

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:00 pm

It certainly is not easy to deal with the bosses and turn the tables on them. 
Dave's Mom is now 94 and has blustered far too long.  
She would not hear of any place to go but her own despite falling numerous times and breaking many bones.
Enough  is enough and she has done far too much
More later.


Last edited by alice on Mon Dec 15, 2014 6:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:28 pm

I hope things improve for you.

It's something I was never prepared to face.  My dad was ill and passed at 59 - so I never saw him age and he was no trouble to anyone - told the ambulance not to go too fast or run the siren as he didn't want to disturb the neighbors. 

My stepmom chose to go to the assisted living and nursing home where her mom went when she was elderly.  My stepmom was 95 and fell so often they had to put her mattress on the floor - and it was a last fall that caused the complications that ended her life.  By then she had dementia and didn't know a lot but family visited her often.

My girlfriend's parents remained in their home into their 90's but required her constant care for the last five years of their life - which she willingly provided at great cost to her own retirement choices but she said she felt "blessed" that she could return to her parents some of the love and care that they had provided in her life.  They died shortly after each other - her mother after a fall in a nursing home where she had gone to recuperate from some medical procedures.

Falling seems to be the end for those who live a long life.  Maybe it's an illness of its own - the last hurrah's before stepping across to the unknown.

My mom is 95 and sharp, just a little slower each year, and a dear.  I don't know what I'll do when she can't care for herself.  I am just not the nurse type.  I hope she has enough financials to get what she needs.  She lives independently in her same house of 51 years except she winters with me.

She said her mom passed by putting her head on the table one morning and never lifting it again, quietly slipping away to that unknown place with no illness or fanfare or need for special care.  She lived with a daughter but was independent.

A close friend's mom fell in her late 90's and my friend moved in with her.  Her mom is not pleasant to her and it is very difficult.  My friend is having a rough time of it.  Her mom's mental is slipping and that makes it even more difficult.  

I know a nursing home is not on my desired list - I wish for long life in good health and when the time comes, a quick transition - or death - whatever it is.  But then, that's what we all want if we are in good health.  Unfortunately, life happens while we plan for something else.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
joefrank
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8167
Registration date : 2008-11-04
Age : 68
Location : Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:40 pm

11/11

                          DK

                                What kind of food do you eat ? Are you a vegetarian , a Vegean ?
   Meat eater ? I'll explain when I hear back from you..

                                                   Cheers..Joe
Back to top Go down
http://joseph-frank-baraba-artistwebsites.om
alj
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 9633
Registration date : 2008-12-05
Age : 74
Location : San Antonio

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Nov 10, 2014 5:51 pm

Not sure how to respond, Alice. These days I feel more like the aging parent that my children are being forced to deal with.

Looking back, I believe that moving Mom in to my house was a mistake. The control issues were impossible to deal with fairly.

We moved her, with her approval, to a retirement center that she chose for herself from several that my brother and I took her around to explore.

She wasn't that happy there, either, but she had professionals around her who know how to handle the situations - and her.

I do know now that when the time comes, something like that set-up would be my preference.
Back to top Go down
http://www.annjoiner.com
joefrank
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8167
Registration date : 2008-11-04
Age : 68
Location : Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Nov 10, 2014 6:19 pm

11/11

                           I'd rather be put to sleep.....My choice...

                                        Cheers...Joe..
Back to top Go down
http://joseph-frank-baraba-artistwebsites.om
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 5:37 am

Joe, I was vegan for many years and then added back sustainable fish.  In recent years I was discovered to be chronically and severely anemic.  My physician changed my diet drastically and I gained weight with the newly required foods and quantity.  My blood is still severely low and the physicians are at a loss to find the cause.  However, I stay out of the danger zone with iron pills, eating red meat and eating lots of iron rich vegetables.  Now I fight overweight.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:29 pm

She re broke a wrist and then damaged her neck.
She agrees to a place--FINALLY!
We found a gorgeous place for her.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
alj
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 9633
Registration date : 2008-12-05
Age : 74
Location : San Antonio

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:35 pm

That's good news, Alice.
Back to top Go down
http://www.annjoiner.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 12:38 pm

Hope she likes it.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:08 pm

No matter what, it's not home.  However, I recently interviewed people who moved into a retirement village and love it because everything is in one place.

I hope she loves it too.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
Betty Fasig
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 4321
Registration date : 2008-06-12
Age : 74
Location : Duette, Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:52 pm

Alice, it is not the place but the family that comes and is with her like in her old house.  A house is just that.  The people who come around like they used to do in her old abode make it normal.  I know that form my deep heart.  Your families love will carry it through   She needs assistant living.  What a brave lady she is. 

Love, Betty
Back to top Go down
http://woofferwood.webs.com/
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sat Dec 06, 2014 8:31 pm

No danger, gripe, gripe gripe.  We wish she would get used to it.
Dave IS 71 and I am 67.  We feel like she will outlive us and gripe all the way.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
Abe F. March
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 10259
Registration date : 2008-01-26
Age : 78
Location : Germany

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sat Dec 06, 2014 11:16 pm

Interesting thread.  My daughter works at a home for the aged and has stores to tell.  Regardless of the care they receive, it is still not home.
A neighbor's wife recently passed.  Knowing that the end was near, her request was to die at home in her own bed.  Her wish was granted.
For whose benefit does one seek care for the elderly? 
It is recognized that often specialized care is required and one lacks that capability. Then there are those who just don't want to be bothered.  That, in my view, is the worst scenario.  The work the parent did to raise the child is not a consideration.  They think only of the inconvenience.  People may be old, but they still have a memory.  They also know when someone wants to help or is doing it begrudgingly.
Back to top Go down
alj
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 9633
Registration date : 2008-12-05
Age : 74
Location : San Antonio

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sun Dec 07, 2014 4:34 am

Just as young children often do not know what is best for them, many aging parents have lost the mental capacity to make decisions regarding their health care.  They often cannot be left alone.  Their safety is at stake.  Their adult children, in most cases today, both work outside the home, and it is usually their home, rather than the parent's home, that is being considered here.

We are living in a different world today than our parents and grandparents lived in.  In most cases, it is about the children having to make choices based on what is best for the parent, rather than not wanting to be bothered, or helping begrudgingly.

My brother and I were fortunate when my mother reached that stage.  She was aware enough to know, and asked us to help her find a place.  She had been living with me for several years.  My sister-in-law had been making a point of stopping by while I was at work, and I had shifted to the night high school so that the hours would be easier for everyone.  We looked into the possibilities and started taking her around to visit the retirement centers in our area, until she found one she liked, and we moved her there.  Eventually, her condition deteriorated, and we had to move her again, to a nursing home, but she had a couple of good years at the center.

A few months ago, when I was concerned that my RA might not be controllable, my daughters and I went on a similar quest, and found several such centers here in our area.

I personally like the idea of living with others my own age, who understand what aging is like, and to make new acquaintances with common interests.  One of those centers even had a writer's club. Now that my condition is under control, it isn't necessary, but it is comforting to know that some viable options are out there.
Back to top Go down
http://www.annjoiner.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sun Dec 07, 2014 12:51 pm

Good attitude, Ann.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sun Dec 07, 2014 6:50 pm

We have had it.  Been ridden about as far as we will ride.   She is on a pity party.  Let her enjoy. 
We will stay away for awhile.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sun Dec 07, 2014 7:32 pm

I had a friend who wanted to start an elder commune that included bartered services. It would have included multi levels of living arrangements in cottage clusters.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 10:07 am

A daycare for toddlers would be more fun.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:02 am

I feel better.  We were worried that because she was such A GRUMP, they would kick her out.
GOOD NEWS.  They ARE USED TO GRUMPS.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
alj
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 9633
Registration date : 2008-12-05
Age : 74
Location : San Antonio

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:10 am


And they are trained to know how to deal with them - objectively.

There is a thing I learned the hard way. We cannot make other people happy. They will choose to be or not, but give them the idea that you want them to be and you think it is your responsibility, and they will play it for all it is worth.

Just me.
Back to top Go down
http://www.annjoiner.com
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 12:57 pm

True, indeed.  At any age.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 2:13 pm

Ann and DK, 

When you are right. you are so right.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
dkchristi
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 8592
Registration date : 2008-12-29
Location : Florida

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:53 pm

I remember in the days of relationships with men afflicted with alcohol dependency.  I thought if I could just make them happy, they would not drink.  Fortunately there is an organization called Al Anon for families and friends.  It's a hard lesson to learn that a person sees life through their own filter.  If their filter sifts out the good, then their life is full of pain and heartache.  Illness messes up filters.  Sometimes medication helps and sometimes it doesn't.  The best thing for a happy day is to arise with the sun and be glad it's there, warming the earth and making things grow.  Then be grateful for the brand new day to write on.  What we write is our choice even if our circumstances are not.  It's also the choice for those other people for whom we wish happiness also.
Back to top Go down
http://www.dkchristi.webs.com
alice
Five Star Member
Five Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 15308
Registration date : 2008-10-22
Age : 70
Location : Redmond, WA

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:52 am

It is difficult.  She  won't adjust.  The doctor said it takes about 2 weeks to settle in. 
The poor caregivers.  She won't sleep a wink all night, won't let them wash her clothes for fear of them wearing out.  I don't know what she expects.
Back to top Go down
http://www.freewebs.com/acrooker/
K.S. Crooks
One Star Member
One Star Member
avatar

Number of posts : 21
Registration date : 2014-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   Sun Dec 14, 2014 5:13 pm

One thing to do if you have parents that need to move into a retirement home or assisted living is to keep their house and rent it. This provides income to help their new living costs and it makes the parents feel that they can still go back if things don't work out. Much of the resistance aging parents have with moving into a retirement home is the lack of control. They fear being told when and what to eat, when to go to back to their rooms, etc. Essentially they fear being treated like children.
They also often think that if things start going well in the new place they their family will come by less often. Assure them that they will still have their freedom and visits. Play up all the new people with whom they will be able to show off their family. Hope this helps.
Back to top Go down
http://www.kscrooks.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Dealing With Aging Parents   

Back to top Go down
 
Dealing With Aging Parents
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Published Authors :: General :: Chatter Box-
Jump to: